Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids Football sideline spat

230 replies

Lionessmummy · 01/10/2023 19:27

OK- this is my first post so please be gentle.

My 8 year old DS is passionate about football. It's not just a hobby It's a passion. I fully support him and take him to training, extra practice, matches etc... It's very much become our bond which we both love.

I would also like to add that academically my DS doesn't excel, he sits and watches all the other kids at school get certificates for maths, spellings, star of the week which he accepts no problem because his goal is to get player of the match on a Sunday.

This weekend I had a little spat on the sideline with another parent because I was encouraging my DS and he thought I was acting more like a coach rather than a parent? I was telling my son to keep on his toes, keep his chin up, keep moving into space etc.. all which my son loves and appreciates. He said I was bang out of order and should let the coaches do the talking. He said they are all playing for fun and should be enjoying the game (which I don't dispute) but my son wants to win, wants to compete and wants to achieve. Is my son wrong in wanting to win?

AIBU to think who the f**k do you think you are?

I absolutely love my football weekends with my son but this has really made me not want to be part of this team.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 01/10/2023 19:52

All those kids want to win. There will be many other children in that team just as passionate about the game. Imagine if all the parents were coaching on the side?

Let him play, at this rate you'll be shouting at the ref or the coaches for decisions you think are unfair- it's a slippery slope.

You and your son are not special.

Mum1976Mum · 01/10/2023 19:53

I’m afraid you’d be known as ‘twat mum’ at our football matches 😂😂

FrippEnos · 01/10/2023 19:54

If you enjoy it and your DS doesn't mind just do what you like.
If others have a problem with it its on them.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 01/10/2023 19:56

I work in a private school, if any parent on the sidelines was shouting like that they’d be handed their arse on a plate. It’s just not the done thing and very poor etiquette.
Zip it!

StephanieSuperpowers · 01/10/2023 19:58

I think you're probably minimising your contributions and if someone else was moved to comment, it may have been more disruptive than you're acknowledging to yourself.

3WildOnes · 01/10/2023 19:58

Sorry but I also agree with the other guy. I wouldn't have said anything to you but I would have rolled my eyes.
We used to have a few parents like this but it is becoming rarer. I think the silent sidelines matches and the FA guidance has helped curb this behaviour.

EaudeJavel · 01/10/2023 19:59

The reason why other parents are quite passionate about it, it's because unfortunately OP, people like you are ruining it for everybody else. Your "talking" impacts everyone else.

Please do join your own team, and play yourself if you have so much to prove or show. Teams need enthusiastic players, so go for it.

RandomUsernameHere · 01/10/2023 19:59

YABU. You would not be allowed to behave like that at DS's football club

edwinbear · 01/10/2023 19:59

Unless you’re an actual football coach, YABU. If you behaved like that at either rugby (DS) or netball (DD) you’d be asked to stop attending fixtures. Leave the coaching to the coach.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/10/2023 19:59

this has really made me not want to be part of this team

Good. Because you aren't part of the team, you're an 8 year old boy's nutty mother who thinks she's birthed the kid who's going to be holding the Jules Rimet aloft in twenty years. You're just transport, washing and snack provider for your child's hobby.

Coolblur · 01/10/2023 20:00

My son's league has rules to try to stop this sort of thing. The referees and coaches will tell the parents during the game to stop if they don't adhere. It undermines the coaches, distracts the players, embarrasses the child and makes the parent look like a fool.
You can support your son without becoming a pseudo coach. Most of the rest of us manage to, but there's always a few.
You don't care more than the rest of us, believe me!

Redlarge · 01/10/2023 20:00

bellamountain · 01/10/2023 19:45

I find football teams in more traditional working class areas, the parents are allowed to shout and coach. There's a lot more competitiveness (good and bad). The (new) middle class game is very different. Parents are told where to stand and, in no uncertain terms, are to make absolutely no comments, unless it's to clap and cheer. It's definitely my perspective and I truly believe it's the coaches job to coach. There's nothing worse than angry / annoying parents who know nothing, adding zero value to the game and confusing the kids. However, it's very very frustrating as a parent to watch a game where the coach is offering nothing.

Yeah i find in the working class Areas people dont know how to behave or follow rules. Its a direct correlation to their income and housing.

Original poster
Lionessmummy · 01/10/2023 20:02

OK - just to be clear, there is never anything negative said by anyone on the sidelines by me or any other parents, and in my defence I'm not the only parent cheering and encouring on the sideline in my sons team. In fact, some of the dads are a lot more vocal than me!

My son has told me that he likes the encouragement, especially when he is feeling like he is underperforming and not doing well.

I appreciate all your feedback, and will take it on board. I will also speak to my son about me staying silent on the sideline and how he would feelnabout that. Thank you all

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 01/10/2023 20:02

DivingForLove · 01/10/2023 19:32

You are every coach’s worst nightmare. You need to stay quiet and stop coaching - or become a coach. Parents like you are the reason my kids don’t play football.

This. Parents like you are also the reason that playground football in school is a nightmare - it's not the bloody world cup, it's a kickabout!

Redlarge · 01/10/2023 20:03

Lionessmummy · 01/10/2023 20:02

OK - just to be clear, there is never anything negative said by anyone on the sidelines by me or any other parents, and in my defence I'm not the only parent cheering and encouring on the sideline in my sons team. In fact, some of the dads are a lot more vocal than me!

My son has told me that he likes the encouragement, especially when he is feeling like he is underperforming and not doing well.

I appreciate all your feedback, and will take it on board. I will also speak to my son about me staying silent on the sideline and how he would feelnabout that. Thank you all

Just chat to him after. Like a little encouraging support. Thats enough and you can stay involved.

LittleBrenda · 01/10/2023 20:03

* I* fully support him and take him to training, extra practice, matches etc... It's very much become our bond which we both love.

Do you think that all of the hundreds of other parents don't fully support their children or take them to practices? It's not just you that takes their dc to hobbies that they love to improve their lives. It's a completely normal thing to do.

fozzybear23 · 01/10/2023 20:05

The comments here are so over the top. My ds has been playing football for years and it's very common for parents to shout encouragement and advice. Not constantly mind, but it's very, very normal. Those acting like you behaved badly clearly don't go to kids football or they go to very strict boring clubs.

Clubs local to us have trialled so called 'silent weekends' where nobody is allowed to say anything and everyone agreed how weird and unnatural it is. No atmosphere whatsoever. It's human nature to support your dc so I dont think you did anything wrong unless it was literally throughout the whole game which I suppose would have been annoying.

Nocturna · 01/10/2023 20:05

You can still give encouragement, but not instructions. There is a big difference, hopefully you find a happy middle ground

fortnumsfinest · 01/10/2023 20:06

You do sound annoying op.
There's a huge difference cheering your son on to coaching, and that's what it sounds like you were doing.
My DS got scouted from his grassroots team when he wasn't much older than your son. The evening he signed the head of the academy said if they hear any parents coaching from the sidelines their son gets taken off.
I'm guessing even at your sons level they have volunteer coaches who's job it is to coach your son, you should just be enjoying watching him having fun

BadBadDecisions · 01/10/2023 20:06

What help exactly does shouting 'stay on your toes' for example, give your son?

One mum next to me today kept shouting 'open your chest' at her son.

I mean, WTF does that even mean?

Just wheesht and clap when your son does something good. You're a parent not a coach. People like you ruin it for the rest of us, make us all roll our eyes behind your back, and make the kids all cringe like hell for the child being yelled at.

dayofcheese · 01/10/2023 20:07

It's not encouragement though is it.

Encouragement is "wooo! Nice one!" What you're doing is "over there! Get the ball. In the space" or whatever.

And this may be your child's passion but you absolutely need to be realistic and make sure they keep up with their school work.

Mehmeh22 · 01/10/2023 20:07

Thing is, your son will tell you what you want to hear. You've posted on here expecting people to agree with you but the vast majority don't lol

Universalsnail · 01/10/2023 20:08

It is not wrong for him wanting to win.

I have to admit though my son goes to football and there are parents that so what you do and it does my head in 😂 and I think make the atmosphere pretty shitty. My daughter wanted to try football once. She didn't want to go again because she couldn't catch up with the kid whose Dad was shouting stuff like this from the sidelines. I mean I don't think football was her jam but the man was insufferable tbh.

Sorry that's not what you want to hear.

dayofcheese · 01/10/2023 20:08

BadBadDecisions · 01/10/2023 20:06

What help exactly does shouting 'stay on your toes' for example, give your son?

One mum next to me today kept shouting 'open your chest' at her son.

I mean, WTF does that even mean?

Just wheesht and clap when your son does something good. You're a parent not a coach. People like you ruin it for the rest of us, make us all roll our eyes behind your back, and make the kids all cringe like hell for the child being yelled at.

It means turn all hulk and rip your chest open.