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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not giving DS advance on pocket money

222 replies

bizzybeing · 01/10/2023 08:53

DS (10) gets £5 per month pocket money. There's nothing he needs to buy with it, just fun stuff he wants. I try not to tell him what he can and can't spend it on but once it's gone, it's gone.

Yesterday DS saw a book he really wants on a really good offer but he was £1 short. I agreed that I would buy the book so he didn't miss the offer but that he would have to wait to have it until he's saved up the full amount. DH thinks I should let him have it now.

It'll be 2 weeks until he gets his next pocket money and can buy it off me.

So AIBU?
Yes - give him the book now, he can pay the extra £1 later
No - he needs to learn to budget for things he wants

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 01/10/2023 08:54

Yes YABU, its 1 pound and he is spending his money on a book! You can deduct the pound from his pocketmoney the next week

NowItsSpring · 01/10/2023 08:56

Is there something he could do to earn the extra pound?

incognito50me · 01/10/2023 08:57

Learning to budget is a process. My DD is 15 and I still give her pocket money weekly. Occasionally she will want to buy a piece of clothing for herself or a gift for a friend or boyfriend where the amount exceeds her weekly allowance. I give her an advance and then decrease the allowance (sometimes for several weeks in a row) until she's paid me off. Soon I will introduce a (low) interest to the repayments on advances.
It has been working well for us.

In your case, your DS is still quite young. Also - and this is a value judgment - a book is a worthy thing to get right away. It is an interest I would encourage. I would definitely give him an advance on this occasion.

Mayhemmumma · 01/10/2023 08:57

Oh no give him the book!

WrongSwanson · 01/10/2023 08:57

Yabu.

But then I never made them pay for books out of pocket money as the educational benefits are so great.

Primproperpenny · 01/10/2023 08:59

£5 a month? That is a lot less than most DC get if you look at other threads on here. I’d have given him the £1 if he wanted to buy a book and been glad he likes readings. Or bought it on Amazon for £4 so he could have had it and had money over. If you’re that much of a stickler, you could have asked him to do a little job to ‘earn’ the extra £1. But really? All this over a quid?! You sound incredibly tight.

NeedToChangeName · 01/10/2023 08:59

To encourage reading, we've always been generous buying books, so I might have just bought it as a spontaneous gift

And,£5 per month isn't much pocket money, so I might increase that

But, in principle, I agree with you that pocket money is a great way for children to learn to budget , so I respect yiyr approach

BibbleandSqwauk · 01/10/2023 08:59

I don't do this for sweets, FIFA points etc but I would for a book. In fact I'd just give them the extra £1. I appreciate you may be on a tight budget but £5 is v v small given the cost of everything these days. If that's what you've decided on it's fine but I think a little flexibility is needed, less so if he was getting £10 or £20 a month.

Ozziedream · 01/10/2023 09:00

YABU, including because I would never dream of making DC buy books for the reason stated above.

And obviously I don’t know your financial circumstances but unless they are really dire (in which case I am sorry) £1.25 pocket money a week is pretty tight for a 10 year old.

2reefsin30knots · 01/10/2023 09:00

£5 a month is a really tiny amount for a 10yo.

margotrose · 01/10/2023 09:01

I can't believe you're making him save his money for a book Blush just buy it for him!

Dotcheck · 01/10/2023 09:01

Which is more important to you here- that he budgets it’ll or that he develops an interest in reading?

It us so important that he develops a sense of curiosity- do you really want to squash that? You’re cutting off your nose to spite your face here.

allhellcantstopusnow · 01/10/2023 09:01

I'd have just bought him the book with my own money, because it is a book and a ten year old boy who is actively reading on his own should be encouraged to do that as much as possible.

I'm not going to die on the hill of £1. You're in for a shock when he's a teenager, believe me.

Bibbetybobbity · 01/10/2023 09:02

I think your mistake was lumping a book in with plastic tat/sweets etc. The latter I can understand standing firm on, but not a book. And that’s a tiny amount of pocket money, unless you’re really struggling I would have a rethink.

Exasperatednow · 01/10/2023 09:02

I used to buy my kids books. In fact, I've just bought the 17 year old one.

coverp · 01/10/2023 09:02

You are refusing to let your 10yo read his new book until he has saved up an extra pound to buy it off you? Way to encourage a love of reading.

gotomomo · 01/10/2023 09:02

I'd give him a chore to do to earn the money

BettyBoomer · 01/10/2023 09:03

Budgeting is a valuable lesson but can be learnt at any other number of other opportunities. But encouraging reading is really important.

It’s a book. It’s a £1. YABVU

Fairydustandsparklylights · 01/10/2023 09:03

£5 a month and the child wants a book and you won’t give a pound or even deduct it from next month? He can’t even try to earn it? That is so unbelievably mean and unkind. It’s situations like this that your child will remember forever. I’m sure there are many more similar stories of you being on a power trip under the guise of teaching him. Then you’ll moan they never visit or ring when they’re older.

CrochetedOwl · 01/10/2023 09:04

I think dc at that age should get weekly pocket money rather than monthly. They see their savings building more often and can budget for what they want accordingly.

TrailingLoellia · 01/10/2023 09:05

£5 a month is too low for a 10yr old. At this age pocket money shouldn’t be for sweets, it should be enough for them to realistically budget and save up for larger purchases.

I also think YABVU to make him buy a book with his own money when his pocket money is extremely low because it is only for sweets. You should have bought it for him.

If you want him to learn how to budget to buy things like books, games, toys and so on, you need to be giving sort of £5 a week.

Sirzy · 01/10/2023 09:06

If you gave a significant amount of pocket money then i would agree but £5 a month isn’t much at all so I think the odd extra treat is normal.

Doingmybest12 · 01/10/2023 09:06

YABU and mean. Encourage his reading , either give him let him owe the pound. I might offer to go 50/50 for a book.

Berninaa · 01/10/2023 09:07

YABU, it is £1 and for a book (FYI the recommended amount for a looked after child of his age is £4 a week).

If it is all you can afford £5 a month is perfect, if it isn’t all you can afford you should up it to allow him to develop a bit of independence when making choices.

cheddercherry · 01/10/2023 09:10

I just think the amount per month seems very low for his age, it seems less like budgeting and more like endless frustration. It’s hard enough finding things for £5 less so that kids actually want that will last, and no activities round us are less than £5 like bowling, laser quest or the cinema etc.

So I’d probably have just given him the book.