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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not giving DS advance on pocket money

222 replies

bizzybeing · 01/10/2023 08:53

DS (10) gets £5 per month pocket money. There's nothing he needs to buy with it, just fun stuff he wants. I try not to tell him what he can and can't spend it on but once it's gone, it's gone.

Yesterday DS saw a book he really wants on a really good offer but he was £1 short. I agreed that I would buy the book so he didn't miss the offer but that he would have to wait to have it until he's saved up the full amount. DH thinks I should let him have it now.

It'll be 2 weeks until he gets his next pocket money and can buy it off me.

So AIBU?
Yes - give him the book now, he can pay the extra £1 later
No - he needs to learn to budget for things he wants

OP posts:
nicknamehelp · 01/10/2023 15:12

Could he do a job to earn the £1?

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 15:35

It isn’t cruel to have to wait a couple of weeks for a book.

ivfbabymomma1 · 01/10/2023 15:44

I personally don't ask my son to buy books with his own money as I want to encourage him reading.

RedHelenB · 01/10/2023 15:49

I always bought my kids books they wanted, it didn't come out if their pocket money

generalexpert · 01/10/2023 15:52

£5 is way too tight. You're not teaching them anything by giving them such a small amount.

Also, you should buy them the books they want (within reason) as you want to encourage learning.

Flopsythebunny · 01/10/2023 16:25

Give him the book.
If it was a toy I would make them wait, but we are supposed to encourage children to read

rookiemere · 01/10/2023 16:28

Oh my goodness, I'd have been so delighted if DS10 had wanted to read a book I would have paid the whole amount.
Maybe now is the time to introduce additional ways for him to earn money through chores. £5 per month is so little.

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 16:51

It’s so illogical that OP is being criticised for not fostering a love of reading when her child is spending all his pocket money and some of next months on books.

CurlewKate · 01/10/2023 17:02

£5 a month is far too little. If you can afford more, give him more.

Sirzy · 01/10/2023 17:05

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 16:51

It’s so illogical that OP is being criticised for not fostering a love of reading when her child is spending all his pocket money and some of next months on books.

But she is putting barriers up by having such a low amount of money which really doesn’t even pay for one book per month and that’s if he doesn’t want to buy anything else.

if you are happy paying a very small amount of pocket money then you have to be willing to cover the cost of normal things like books.

to refuse access to a book for the sake of £1 pocket money is childish.

margotrose · 01/10/2023 17:06

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 16:51

It’s so illogical that OP is being criticised for not fostering a love of reading when her child is spending all his pocket money and some of next months on books.

Not illogical at all. She's his parent - she should be the one buying him books. Just like she buys him food, clothes, toiletries and other necessities.

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 17:52

But you have no idea what other access to books he has? I buy my children food clothes and toiletries but not whatever and whenever they like or Dd would be knee deep in face packs and doughnuts.

margotrose · 01/10/2023 17:57

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 17:52

But you have no idea what other access to books he has? I buy my children food clothes and toiletries but not whatever and whenever they like or Dd would be knee deep in face packs and doughnuts.

I consider books an essential - no different to feeding your child or clothing them.

Face masks and donuts aren't essential items.

Sirzy · 01/10/2023 18:04

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 17:52

But you have no idea what other access to books he has? I buy my children food clothes and toiletries but not whatever and whenever they like or Dd would be knee deep in face packs and doughnuts.

But this is about £1 for a book not face packs and doughnuts.

for the sake of £1 would you really deny your child access to a book they want?

YeahIsaidit · 01/10/2023 18:21

YABU. You sound mean. The kid only needs a pound for a book and you won't give him it. A fiver a month for a 10 year old is nothing really either, especially if he has to do chores to earn it

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 19:44

Sirzy · 01/10/2023 18:04

But this is about £1 for a book not face packs and doughnuts.

for the sake of £1 would you really deny your child access to a book they want?

Show quote history

I’d help him by buying it and keeping it till he had the money. Nobody needs a book today, I often don’t buy things myself that I want till I have the money. In fact almost always.

CrazyHamsterLady · 01/10/2023 19:48

That’s so mean! Just let him have the book FGS.

Original poster
bizzybeing · 01/10/2023 20:01

I probably should have given some more context. I know £5 a month is not much pocket money but it is only for really for tat and we'll increase it when he starts secondary next year. At the moment we pay for outings and he has a magazine subscription and his grandparents supply him with more sweets than he can eat.

I agree with others that books should be considered an essential, like clothes or good, and we do regularly buy all the DC books as extras. However, DS1 is an avid reader. His Amazon wishlist has 26 books on it and he would totally bankrupt me if I bought him every book he wanted when he wanted it. He also has access to our local library and the school library and his own extensive book collection so is hardly short of things to read.

We decided not to just buy this particular book for him when he saw it because I knew that today we were at an event where one of his other favourite authors was talking about a new book. He also didn't have that book and we knew he would want a copy of that there and then to get it signed. I gladly bought that for him and waited an hour to get it signed.

So for those worried that waiting two weeks will kill his love of reading, I don't think there's too much to worry about!

OP posts:
HerMammy · 01/10/2023 21:03

It'll be 2 weeks until he gets his next pocket money and can buy it off me.
Seriously? this is pathetic, he's your child, give him the book.

Sirzy · 01/10/2023 21:05

Sorry for the sake of £1 even with your attempt at justifying it you’re being unreasonable. It’s £1

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 21:18

I really don’t understand why it’s a problem to let him wait. It’s extraordinary to me that some of you think this is such a big deal. Do your children never wait for anything? Where’s the joy in saving up to get the thing you want? It’s like you don’t understand the point of pocket money at all.

Original poster
bizzybeing · 01/10/2023 21:26

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 21:18

I really don’t understand why it’s a problem to let him wait. It’s extraordinary to me that some of you think this is such a big deal. Do your children never wait for anything? Where’s the joy in saving up to get the thing you want? It’s like you don’t understand the point of pocket money at all.

I was thinking the same. Are other children not expected to wait for things they want at all? Or is it just because the thing he wants is a book?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 01/10/2023 21:35

bizzybeing · 01/10/2023 21:26

I was thinking the same. Are other children not expected to wait for things they want at all? Or is it just because the thing he wants is a book?

Show quote history

Or it’s because it’s £1. And to be so petty over £1 seems rediculous

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 22:26

£1 is 20% of his monthly pocket money. I’m pretty sure ten times that wouldn’t be a big amount of money for OP. It’s not about the amount, it’s not about what’s purchased, it’s a good arrangement to help ds get what he wants.

PandaExpress · 01/10/2023 23:18

@bizzybeing It's the combination of it being a book and just £1. Also that you said 'sell him the book' All this for the sake of £1. My DD is an avid reader too, she gets at least one new book a week, plus has subscriptions for the Phoenix, Beano and The week junior. I get that it all adds up. It's just £1 though, I couldn't withhold a book over £1. You can teach budgeting and also teach not to be tight with money. That's my opinion. YABU