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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not giving DS advance on pocket money

222 replies

bizzybeing · 01/10/2023 08:53

DS (10) gets £5 per month pocket money. There's nothing he needs to buy with it, just fun stuff he wants. I try not to tell him what he can and can't spend it on but once it's gone, it's gone.

Yesterday DS saw a book he really wants on a really good offer but he was £1 short. I agreed that I would buy the book so he didn't miss the offer but that he would have to wait to have it until he's saved up the full amount. DH thinks I should let him have it now.

It'll be 2 weeks until he gets his next pocket money and can buy it off me.

So AIBU?
Yes - give him the book now, he can pay the extra £1 later
No - he needs to learn to budget for things he wants

OP posts:
MadCatandBirdLady · 01/10/2023 13:55

Wow charging interest !

Mammyloveswine · 01/10/2023 13:58

I give my two £10 a month! Occasionally if they see something for £11-12 I'll just get them it tbh!

CacenCaws · 01/10/2023 14:04

YABU and tight

May09Bump · 01/10/2023 14:08

I haven't read the whole thread - but your anything like me, activities, sports clubs, etc are all being paid for too- so amount of pocket money is very personal to your family circumstance. If your treating pocket money / budgeting as a life lesson - then I would give him an advance and charge him interest.

Also, could suggest Library might have it for free - paperback or online.

PandaExpress · 01/10/2023 14:11

Runnersandtoms · 01/10/2023 13:52

Everyone's saying £5 a month is not much, my kids are older (13 and 15) and get £6 and £8 a month. But they have literally nothing they need to spend on. If they want to go to cinema etc I'd give them money for that, I buy them necessary clothes, books, anything they need for their hobbies eg hockey shoes, and pay for their activities. If I gave three kids £10 a month each that's £360 a year down the drain. I'd rather put that towards a holiday!

That's the point though, OP isn't buying DS the book...and won't even give him a pound towards it, no strings attached!

PandaExpress · 01/10/2023 14:15

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 13:24

No idea if I’m “tight” or not but I don’t really see the point in giving pocket money and then just topping it up when they want something more expensive. Why bother with the pocket money then? I don’t spend an enormous amount myself though so perhaps you’re right.

Because the 'more expensive' item is a book. It's not a toy or sweets. That's what makes the difference. And OP has purchased the book, but won't give him it out of principle. You don't withhold a book from a child who wants to read.

ConsuelaHammock · 01/10/2023 14:18

I wouldn’t call a book a frivolous item so would have paid for it and given it to him immediately. You are lucky your child wants to read. Foster that love by providing all the books they want.

margotrose · 01/10/2023 14:18

May09Bump · 01/10/2023 14:08

I haven't read the whole thread - but your anything like me, activities, sports clubs, etc are all being paid for too- so amount of pocket money is very personal to your family circumstance. If your treating pocket money / budgeting as a life lesson - then I would give him an advance and charge him interest.

Also, could suggest Library might have it for free - paperback or online.

He's 10 and it's a book.

Bloody hell.

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 14:21

PandaExpress · 01/10/2023 14:15

Because the 'more expensive' item is a book. It's not a toy or sweets. That's what makes the difference. And OP has purchased the book, but won't give him it out of principle. You don't withhold a book from a child who wants to read.

Show quote history

Books are not staples, and they are available in public and school libraries or borrowed from friends. @bizzybeing has obviously fostered a love of reading in her child so to suggest saving up for it will turn him off books is just unlikely. For all you know @bizzybeing has bought him several books this month already. My eldest got a first in English and all but one of my children love books.

May09Bump · 01/10/2023 14:26

margotrose · 01/10/2023 14:18

He's 10 and it's a book.

Bloody hell.

Show quote history

Depends on what kind of family you are - my 8 year old daughter has just been filling up the adblue and oil in our cars - life lesson and quite enjoyed it. She has tons of books from her brother and chooses a few for Christmas, easter, birthdays, etc. Along with going to the Library in school and local community one. So if we choose to use pocket money as budgeting / life lesson what's the harm?

Also, if my parents had taught me more about money management, I would have been a lot more sensible with money in university and early adult life. Talking to teenagers about it can be like hitting your head against a wall.

MrsRandom123 · 01/10/2023 14:41

i think yabu as it’s a book & £1 & you could deduct it from next months pocket money.

I get teaching and saving and not buying what he can’t afford but it’s not necessarily a waste of money and maybe he could do something to “earn” it.

you would have been as well just saying no to the book as he can’t have it now anyway

PandaExpress · 01/10/2023 14:43

@Ohthatsabitshit I disagree. To me, books are staples. OPs has the book in her possession and wants DS to 'buy it' from her in two weeks. Come on now, surely most us give books away to friends without a second thought. It comes to something when you're selling a book to your own child!

shakeitoffsis · 01/10/2023 14:43

Bloody hell jts £1

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 14:48

To me books are treats. Buying myself a book is like giving myself a present. No different than wanting a game or accessories.

ohdamnitjanet · 01/10/2023 14:50

I’d have fainted if my ds wanted a book and quite happily bought him a library full.
Surely you mean £5 a week? Surely?

margotrose · 01/10/2023 14:52

So if we choose to use pocket money as budgeting / life lesson what's the harm?

You can use it to budget and treat your child to a book they want at the same time.

margotrose · 01/10/2023 14:53

Also, if my parents had taught me more about money management, I would have been a lot more sensible with money in university and early adult life. Talking to teenagers about it can be like hitting your head against a wall.

My parents did teach me about money management - but they also bought me books at weekends if I wanted one. It's entirely possible to do both.

HellNoBedBug · 01/10/2023 14:55

Holy fuck.

its a book and he wants to read? Shouldn’t that be something you are encouraging and buying as your role as a parent?

Soubriquet · 01/10/2023 14:57

Yeah mine don’t get any pocket money at the moment but they have a Roblox subscription instead. If they decide they want pocket money, then they would have to choose

viques · 01/10/2023 14:58

I think £5 a month is too little to be honest. You need to give him an amount that has enough leeway for saving as well as spending. So if you upped the amount to say £20 a month if you can afford it, or £15 if that is more realistic, you could say that you expect £10 ( or £5) to be put into a savings account . That way he is learning the value of saving towards things that he wants, and about about deferred pleasure when it comes to buying things. £5 a month is not really enough for him to learn the value of money. I am not surprised if he fritters most of it away on fun rubbish because there is not much more you can do with £1.25 a week, it barely buys a bar of chocolate.

PandaExpress · 01/10/2023 15:02

@Ohthatsabitshit A treat to you maybe, but you're an adult. Books aren't just treats for children, they are completely necessary for their growth and education. As parents, we have to provide plenty of books to children. The OP has the book! She's selling it to her own child! Would you have sold a book to yours? For the sake of £1?

viques · 01/10/2023 15:03

Runnersandtoms · 01/10/2023 13:52

Everyone's saying £5 a month is not much, my kids are older (13 and 15) and get £6 and £8 a month. But they have literally nothing they need to spend on. If they want to go to cinema etc I'd give them money for that, I buy them necessary clothes, books, anything they need for their hobbies eg hockey shoes, and pay for their activities. If I gave three kids £10 a month each that's £360 a year down the drain. I'd rather put that towards a holiday!

But if you gave them more money and told them that certain things had to be paid for out of it (eg cinema trips, a fancy comic, or a burger in town with their friends on Saturday morning) then you wouldn’t actually be spending more money and they would be learning that there isn’t a magic money tree that hands out fivers whenever you ask for them.

Luxell934 · 01/10/2023 15:07

I don’t think it’s fair to judge how much pocket money he is getting, there’s a cost of living crisis and we all know lots of children do live in poverty. Some don’t get enough to eat properly let along argue about how much pocket money they should get to spend on sweets.

Anyway, personally if he wanted a book I would have taken him to the library. Hundreds of thousands of books for free! Usually they have the newest releases too.

JanglingJack · 01/10/2023 15:07

Omg, there's teaching the value of money and there's being downright cruel.

Teach him about credit. He can have it now but will have to pay £1.25 back.

Just give him the book.

Ohthatsabitshit · 01/10/2023 15:09

PandaExpress · 01/10/2023 15:02

@Ohthatsabitshit A treat to you maybe, but you're an adult. Books aren't just treats for children, they are completely necessary for their growth and education. As parents, we have to provide plenty of books to children. The OP has the book! She's selling it to her own child! Would you have sold a book to yours? For the sake of £1?

As I said upthread I think this sounds fair. I’d see it as helping him buy the thing he wants by paying for it and letting him buy it when he has the money. As I said we are a very book loving family. It really wouldn’t be a different for me than wanting a new paintbrush or peice of music.