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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not giving DS advance on pocket money

222 replies

bizzybeing · 01/10/2023 08:53

DS (10) gets £5 per month pocket money. There's nothing he needs to buy with it, just fun stuff he wants. I try not to tell him what he can and can't spend it on but once it's gone, it's gone.

Yesterday DS saw a book he really wants on a really good offer but he was £1 short. I agreed that I would buy the book so he didn't miss the offer but that he would have to wait to have it until he's saved up the full amount. DH thinks I should let him have it now.

It'll be 2 weeks until he gets his next pocket money and can buy it off me.

So AIBU?
Yes - give him the book now, he can pay the extra £1 later
No - he needs to learn to budget for things he wants

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 01/10/2023 23:27

I think the thing is that the amount of money you’re giving him is not compatible with the skill you want to teach him (delayed gratification).

What he values are books. Books cost pretty much £7 minimum nearly everywhere. So to buy 1 book, he’s got to budget 2 months. He can’t buy anything at all in month one (as you’ve just proved). It’s a real disincentive, rather than giving him the satisfaction of success.

If you don’t want him to waste his money, help him succeed in saving by giving him enough to be able to save up.

sr92 · 01/10/2023 23:55

Fairydustandsparklylights · 01/10/2023 09:03

£5 a month and the child wants a book and you won’t give a pound or even deduct it from next month? He can’t even try to earn it? That is so unbelievably mean and unkind. It’s situations like this that your child will remember forever. I’m sure there are many more similar stories of you being on a power trip under the guise of teaching him. Then you’ll moan they never visit or ring when they’re older.

Exactly THIS

RandomButtons · 02/10/2023 00:35

£5 a month is too little- he can buy a book every other month? Crikey!

SemperIdem · 02/10/2023 00:37

I’m quite strict generally speaking, but I’d let him have the book now.

RandomButtons · 02/10/2023 00:38

bizzybeing · 01/10/2023 21:26

I was thinking the same. Are other children not expected to wait for things they want at all? Or is it just because the thing he wants is a book?

Show quote history

My kids save for Lego sets that cost £80+ They’ve shown remarkable determination and discipline not spending on other junk. They’ve waited a year before for certain sets.

If he can’t readily buy a £7 book you aren’t giving him enough.

Hankunamatata · 02/10/2023 00:42

Books I buy for dc (if they would voluntary read one).

TurqoiseJasper · 02/10/2023 13:24

RandomButtons · 02/10/2023 00:35

£5 a month is too little- he can buy a book every other month? Crikey!

I honestly can't bear to think of the frustration that poor boy is going through, I do understand the concept of budgeting and money management, but for goodness sake it's a bloody book!

Also £5 a month is a ridiculous amount for a 10-year-old, even if it is just for tat.

happsy · 02/10/2023 13:31

Tinkerbyebye · 01/10/2023 09:35

YABVVU

its £1, it’s book not some crap

tbh I would have just bought it for him. Stop being so bloody mean

This. I can't believe how petty op is just to make a point. It's a book, just buy it for him. I also think that's very little pocket money.

StuffedToys · 02/10/2023 13:33

incognito50me · 01/10/2023 08:57

Learning to budget is a process. My DD is 15 and I still give her pocket money weekly. Occasionally she will want to buy a piece of clothing for herself or a gift for a friend or boyfriend where the amount exceeds her weekly allowance. I give her an advance and then decrease the allowance (sometimes for several weeks in a row) until she's paid me off. Soon I will introduce a (low) interest to the repayments on advances.
It has been working well for us.

In your case, your DS is still quite young. Also - and this is a value judgment - a book is a worthy thing to get right away. It is an interest I would encourage. I would definitely give him an advance on this occasion.

I cannot imagine charging my teenager interest and making a profit from their request for an advance.

happsy · 02/10/2023 13:34

What is a reasonable amount of pocket money btw?
I know it can vary but what are others doing?
My 7yo get 1 pound a day - this includes a whole lot of stuff- chores, being independent, homework, etc.

Ohthatsabitshit · 02/10/2023 13:34

I think there are some underlying themes on this thread

  1. £5 is not enough for a 10 year old. For mine it would have been fine as they get things paid for anyway so it’s literally just to fritter.
  2. Books are a different category of purchase so should be provided. OP has said he is bought other books and has access to libraries
  3. OP must provide easy access to books or he will grow to hate reading and they wish their child wanted to read like OPsson….I think she’s got that one covered
  4. waiting a couple of weeks is cruel…..I think it’s ok to wait for things.
FussyPud · 02/10/2023 13:35

Books just go in the household shopping here. I’d not be expecting my young children to fund their own books.

TurqoiseJasper · 02/10/2023 13:40

StuffedToys · 02/10/2023 13:33

I cannot imagine charging my teenager interest and making a profit from their request for an advance.

Show quote history

Charging interest to your own children on their pocket money?
I think that's absolutely shocking, in my book that's totally unreasonable.

SisSuffragette · 02/10/2023 13:40

I'd have just bought the book he wanted and not taken it from his pocket money at all
YABU

Original poster
bizzybeing · 02/10/2023 13:43

Ohthatsabitshit · 02/10/2023 13:34

I think there are some underlying themes on this thread

  1. £5 is not enough for a 10 year old. For mine it would have been fine as they get things paid for anyway so it’s literally just to fritter.
  2. Books are a different category of purchase so should be provided. OP has said he is bought other books and has access to libraries
  3. OP must provide easy access to books or he will grow to hate reading and they wish their child wanted to read like OPsson….I think she’s got that one covered
  4. waiting a couple of weeks is cruel…..I think it’s ok to wait for things.

That's about sums it up!

I really don't think waiting a bit will do him any harm at all (and is a long long way from cruel). The idea of letting him earn the extra money sounded like a good idea so I offered him the option to help his little brother with his homework to earn some extra money. His response "no thanks, I'd rather wait".

OP posts:
Original poster
bizzybeing · 02/10/2023 13:45

FussyPud · 02/10/2023 13:35

Books just go in the household shopping here. I’d not be expecting my young children to fund their own books.

But surely there's a limit? DS would have me spending hundreds on books every time we went to the bookshop.

OP posts:
Londonscallingme · 02/10/2023 13:48

I'd have probably let him have it now but I don't think it matters to be honest, I think waiting is fine too and perhaps you are right to be consistent so he knows where he is.

NightSku0 · 02/10/2023 13:51

I couldn’t imagine ever being so tight that I wouldn’t just give my kid an extra £1 to buy a book.

Maybe if you gave him a decent amount of money he wouldn’t need to beg you for a extra pound.

FusionChefGeoff · 02/10/2023 13:54

We had this recently (with a gaming pass so not quite as worthy!) but decided to take a hard line on if you can't afford it you can't have it.

Yes it costs more that's life. Just another reason why it's sensible to build a buffer and not spend every penny you have.

We sat down and looked at how much he had, what was coming in (pocket money) and what was going out (he pays for mobile and magazine subscription) and worked out he could still afford it next month. And he also vowed to set up a pot to save so that when it runs out he can buy the longer term but better value one.

He also cleaned the bathroom to earn extra money!!

FusionChefGeoff · 02/10/2023 13:56

For us it was the principle. Doesn't matter what it is or how much it is.

We didn't want to introduce the idea of credit at all.

We don't have any debt apart from mortgage as we just don't get anything on finance - 2nd if we can't afford new - and I want to try to encourage the same from my kids.

ThreeCandles · 02/10/2023 14:05

So what is considered reasonable monthly pocket money for a 10 year old? I'm reading with interest as I give about £8 which isn't much . Thinking I should top it up. This is purely for spends and not anything necessary.

Maybe I'm being too mean and not teaching about budgeting properly.

And for a 13 year old? Again for spending only.

Money isn't overly tight but we can't go crazy.

Berninaa · 02/10/2023 14:13

This is an example of what a looked after child could expect. ETA lots of other examples out there.

Link

Pocket Money and Savings for Looked After Children

https://walsallchildcare.proceduresonline.com/p_pock_mon_lac.html

NightSku0 · 02/10/2023 14:15

ThreeCandles · 02/10/2023 14:05

So what is considered reasonable monthly pocket money for a 10 year old? I'm reading with interest as I give about £8 which isn't much . Thinking I should top it up. This is purely for spends and not anything necessary.

Maybe I'm being too mean and not teaching about budgeting properly.

And for a 13 year old? Again for spending only.

Money isn't overly tight but we can't go crazy.

At 11 (she’s now 12) she started getting £40 a month.
plus we pay for her phone contract (another £15 a month)

Its for spends only.

I still buy her stuff too.

NightSku0 · 02/10/2023 14:18

FusionChefGeoff · 02/10/2023 13:56

For us it was the principle. Doesn't matter what it is or how much it is.

We didn't want to introduce the idea of credit at all.

We don't have any debt apart from mortgage as we just don't get anything on finance - 2nd if we can't afford new - and I want to try to encourage the same from my kids.

I don’t have any debt apart from a mortgage either.

Id still give my child a quid to get a book.

Bwessed · 02/10/2023 14:19

My son gets £10 week.

That's incredibly tight of you to do that over just £1