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Original poster

for being upset nobody complimented my child while other kids were complimented?

292 replies

HelloHilda · 30/09/2023 22:09

Basically, I went to a wedding today with my husband and took our daughter too. She's 7 and sat at the table with us at the reception. There were a few other cousins/relatives her age around the table with their parents (people from my husband's side of the family), and then my husband's sister came over and started talking and being friendly. She lives abroad, so hasn't seen everyone in years.

Anyway, she started complimenting the other children, telling them they have lovely dresses, lovely hairstyles, that they look beautiful. Telling the parents stuff like the kids are gorgeous, have lovely faces, are a credit to the family, etc... She was asking all sorts of questions, like where they bought the outfits, how school's going, stuff like that.

She didn't say one word to my daughter, who she is related to. In the middle of praising these other kids, she literally looked at my daughter and had an unimpressed look on her face, like my child isn't as pretty as the others, then continued talking to the other kids. She noticed me giving her a dirty look/suspicious look, and then put on a fake grin and told me my daughter had a nice bracelet.

I admit my daughter isn't that good looking, but she's not ugly and wears nice clothes and has nice natural blonde hair. It's not nice to exclude her like this. You might think I'm overreacting, but I know for a fact this woman is superficial and critical of appearances because she lived with me and my husband for a while about 10 years ago, and she literally couldn't watch a movie without saying something nasty as the actors' appearances, if she found them ugly or aging. She'd say the same thing about child actors.

She obviously thinks my child is ugly.

OP posts:
Arewethebadguys · 30/09/2023 22:13

I mean, is it a full moon? Why do you give af? Genuinely. You don't even like her. Ignore. She's clearly a piece of work. I hope you and your daughter had a lovely time at the wedding

SymbolicSymbals · 30/09/2023 22:14

Given what you’ve said about her in the last paragraph, why do you give a single fuck about what she thinks? I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

CakeInAJar · 30/09/2023 22:14

I admit my daughter isn't that good looking, but she's not ugly

Wow.

I expect this is everything to do with how you perceive your poor child and nothing to do with the relative

CakeInAJar · 30/09/2023 22:15

I just assume like me everyone thinks their children are breathtakingly beautiful (mien actually are and I doubt anyone thinks they’re ugly)

Original poster
HelloHilda · 30/09/2023 22:16

CakeInAJar · 30/09/2023 22:14

I admit my daughter isn't that good looking, but she's not ugly

Wow.

I expect this is everything to do with how you perceive your poor child and nothing to do with the relative

I know it sounds cold, but I'm not one of those biased parents who sees beauty that isn't there. I'll obviously never say any of this to my daughter out loud.

However, there's obviously a reason my SIL only excluded her and not the other kids.

OP posts:
Iknowthis1 · 30/09/2023 22:17

Just roll your eyes and move on.

StephanieSuperpowers · 30/09/2023 22:18

I don't think you should be worrying too much about your SIL. She isn't responsible for creating your child's self esteem. That's your job.

DiddyHeck · 30/09/2023 22:18

Even if she does think your child is ugly, what does it matter? You can't police people's thoughts on that and demand they think she's pretty.

But if your SIL is as shallow as you say, why does her opinion matter to you?

Notagreatyear · 30/09/2023 22:20

Your SIL was being a bitch just ignore her.

DiddyHeck · 30/09/2023 22:20

HelloHilda · 30/09/2023 22:16

I know it sounds cold, but I'm not one of those biased parents who sees beauty that isn't there. I'll obviously never say any of this to my daughter out loud.

However, there's obviously a reason my SIL only excluded her and not the other kids.

Show quote history

However, there's obviously a reason my SIL only excluded her and not the other kids.

And you're going for ugly rather than she was simply trying to make conversation with people she hasn't seen for years?

PrimalOwl10 · 30/09/2023 22:21

I can't believe you said your own child isn't nice looking. Maybe she gets on with the other parents and doesn't particularly like you and doesn't want to speak to you.

PosterBoy · 30/09/2023 22:21

People's minds work in such different ways.

Here is a prime example.

I would have interpreted this in about a dozen different ways that didn't involve me thinking my sil thought my kid was ugly. That thought is something your own mind made up to explain an event. That's on you.

Alternatively (and it really doesn't matter which version is 'true' because that's not a thing - this is people not facts)

  • she is one of those weirdos who won't compliment family
  • she wanted to wind you up (oh, that worked)
  • it goes without saying your kid is great, so the others need a bit of a boost in her stunning company
  • she wants to look unbiased in front of others
  • she's a bitch
LifeExperience · 30/09/2023 22:23

You're being ridiculous. She was greeting a bunch of people she hadn't seen in a long time, and you're upset because she didn't greet your daughter to your standards? Have a word with yourself, and stop talking about your daughter's looks.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 30/09/2023 22:24

She is a nasty cow.

I would feel sorry for her. She must have such a miserable life.

She will get her comeuppance.

Forgotmylogindetails · 30/09/2023 22:24

It’s weird you written that you don’t think your child is good looking.

i Find it more weird you write that about your own child than what some relative from over seas thinks.

sorry just my opinion.

Original poster
HelloHilda · 30/09/2023 22:25

LifeExperience · 30/09/2023 22:23

You're being ridiculous. She was greeting a bunch of people she hadn't seen in a long time, and you're upset because she didn't greet your daughter to your standards? Have a word with yourself, and stop talking about your daughter's looks.

She hasn't seen me either in ages, or my husband (her brother) who was sitting right next to me. We never had any falling outs.

OP posts:
Original poster
HelloHilda · 30/09/2023 22:26

Forgotmylogindetails · 30/09/2023 22:24

It’s weird you written that you don’t think your child is good looking.

i Find it more weird you write that about your own child than what some relative from over seas thinks.

sorry just my opinion.

So you're saying if your child wasn't good looking, you wouldn't notice? Like, you see your child as forever flawless just because you're the mother?

Sorry, but I can't be that blind or deluded.

OP posts:
squareyedannie · 30/09/2023 22:27

It sounds as if you're the one who's overly concerned with looks.

spanishviola · 30/09/2023 22:27

What she thinks is irrelevant but it isn’t very nice your daughter not to receive praise and compliments when all the other children do. She sounds awful.

Forgotmylogindetails · 30/09/2023 22:28

@HelloHilda

its just odd the first thought is “oh it’s because my child isn’t as good looking as the others “

maybe the woman doesn’t like you, maybe she finds your child annoying , maybe she was bored of talking to kids.

But you focus on looks.

maybe it’s you with the issues.

Ffsnotaconference · 30/09/2023 22:30

What do you mean your daughter isn’t good looking but has blonde hair?

Both you and your sister in law seem to have really fucked up views of children and the value of their appearance.

That’s why this bothers you so much. Because you are very similar to your sister in law. You both think peoples appearances are extremely important. I would guess she knows what you think of your daughters looks and did it to wind you up.

StephanieSuperpowers · 30/09/2023 22:30

spanishviola · 30/09/2023 22:27

What she thinks is irrelevant but it isn’t very nice your daughter not to receive praise and compliments when all the other children do. She sounds awful.

There's also a chance that she was just talking and didn't notice what she was saying. She may not have been keeping a scorecard.

crew2022 · 30/09/2023 22:30

StephanieSuperpowers · 30/09/2023 22:18

I don't think you should be worrying too much about your SIL. She isn't responsible for creating your child's self esteem. That's your job.

This

squidnames · 30/09/2023 22:31

Why did you need to mention blonde hair? Is dark hair less attractive? What if child has braids/Afro? Why the need to mention blonde hair?

Original poster
HelloHilda · 30/09/2023 22:33

squidnames · 30/09/2023 22:31

Why did you need to mention blonde hair? Is dark hair less attractive? What if child has braids/Afro? Why the need to mention blonde hair?

There is no problem with dark hair, but I like blonde hair, and if it's natural, I think it can be very pretty, especially in the sunlight.

People are always bleaching and dyeing their hair to get the type of blonde hair my daughter naturally has. That's what I mean. It's her best feature. It's a golden, sandy colour, like a golden retriever.

OP posts:
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