for being upset nobody complimented my child while other kids were complimented?

[HelloHilda]

Basically, I went to a wedding today with my husband and took our daughter too. She's 7 and sat at the table with us at the reception. There were a few other cousins/relatives her age around the table with their parents (people from my husband's side of the family), and then my husband's sister came over and started talking and being friendly. She lives abroad, so hasn't seen everyone in years.

Anyway, she started complimenting the other children, telling them they have lovely dresses, lovely hairstyles, that they look beautiful. Telling the parents stuff like the kids are gorgeous, have lovely faces, are a credit to the family, etc... She was asking all sorts of questions, like where they bought the outfits, how school's going, stuff like that.

She didn't say one word to my daughter, who she is related to. In the middle of praising these other kids, she literally looked at my daughter and had an unimpressed look on her face, like my child isn't as pretty as the others, then continued talking to the other kids. She noticed me giving her a dirty look/suspicious look, and then put on a fake grin and told me my daughter had a nice bracelet.

I admit my daughter isn't that good looking, but she's not ugly and wears nice clothes and has nice natural blonde hair. It's not nice to exclude her like this. You might think I'm overreacting, but I know for a fact this woman is superficial and critical of appearances because she lived with me and my husband for a while about 10 years ago, and she literally couldn't watch a movie without saying something nasty as the actors' appearances, if she found them ugly or aging. She'd say the same thing about child actors.

She obviously thinks my child is ugly.

Honestly, Op, I don’t see why you’re surprised or aggrieved that s superficial, looks-obsessed woman who doesn’t like you didn’t compliment your child.

It was unkind of your sil to not say anything about your dd & to give you the impression that she’s not worth complimenting.
I haven’t met a girl aged 7, who isn’t beautiful. I think you need at your dd face and look at the beauty there.
I hope you showered your dd with compliments-not just about physical features and clothes, but on her good personality qualities.

Your thread title says that Nobody complimented your child. Do you have a negative outlook in general?

The dirty looks, self pity and inability to ignore your SILs actions sound very glass-half-full too.

Surely you want your daughter to have an attractive personality, so try to cheer yourself up and be a positive role model.

It is always amazing when someone will see describe the negatives about someone and then seem surprised or offended by that very same negative behavior.

OP , this is a woman that neither you nor your daughter are likely to see again for years, do you really care what she thinks? Probably none of the children involved, your daughter included, paid any attention to what she said.

You daughter is much more likely to be impacted by your opinion of her than so that of some aunt that she sees once every 10 years.

The reason isn't obvious at all. You are projecting your own judgment of your daughter on to this woman. I'd worry more about your own attitude to your own wee girl.

It is a super moon and a full moon!

Grew up with a younger sibling (naturally blonde), her hair was always grown long as could be, hairdressers could only cut it at a minimum, ...I was more the brown coloured one, my style could be anything 😀if I'm remembering this after nearly 50 years, it shows how parents decisions/choices do affect your children for years to come, how it affects their confidence..

Are you me?

It's totally normal for a parent to be objective enough to realise that their kid while beautiful to them is no beauty.

It's totally normal for a white person to feel natural blonde hair is particularly beautiful compared to mousy or brown hair. Ditto red hair or jet black hair. If it weren't, there wouldn't be an entire sector focused specifically on achieving blonde hair.

Some of you need to unclench your anuses and untwist your knickers

But maybe she was about to say something to your daughter, but noticed you looking at her in an unfriendly way and was distracted or thought it wouldn't be welcome?

If this is genuine you need some proper help to work through this, you have some serious issues going on if you genuinely believe this

But it is Mn you will have other people with issues playing along with you so if you feel better believe them

I find blonde hair very unattractive usually, but my DC has blonde hair and so I find it beautiful on my DC!

Why do you have to insert Afros into a post which has nothing to do with them?

Yep, not going to "unclench".

Some on here are making out that they're so enlightened for "accepting" that their kids aren't "conventionally attractive" rather than being "deluded".

Chasing some chimera of conventional attractiveness is no way to live. Stop looking at your kids and loved ones like a list of attributes: eg blonde + slim = attractive/golden retriever.

No doubt you look in the mirror in the same way (hence the enormous beauty industry).

Like a pp said, open your eyes and see how lovely they are.

I just think the delusion is all on the other side, I really do.

OP you are shallow. You came across quite sneery about people who dye their hair. You're pretty awful about your own daughter. And about SIL. SiL knows you don't like her and she was ignoring you all because of your attitude.

If you aren't careful you'll just project on to your DD that you think so little of her. You won't have to say it outloud she'll work it out. One day she might be asking you, tearfully, if she's pretty and will you go "No, I'm not going to lie to you, you aren't. But you have nice hair." Or will you try and boost her confidence in that moment and then try and help her see beyond looks?

Please show me where I called OP a racist?

I love to look at my child, I adore her but I can objectively see that she is plain, she just is. She has a million great things about her, a few not so great but in terms of pure aesthetics, she is not what is generally considered attractive. That's ok, she's fabulous otherwise.

As a gran I ask - why is your child not beautiful? Who decided that?

I have looked after many many children in my life of all ethnicities and I can tell you that all kids are beautiful, even the challenging ones little shits

You said yourself your child is not pretty , clearly this woman is not a kind person as you said so yourself so why be upset over her rudeness . Just move on

You might not tell her you don’t think she’s pretty but do you tell her she is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?
Im no work of art but even now in my late 30’s my mum tells me I’m stunningly beautiful and it makes me so happy to think she thinks that, even if she’s fibbing.

My children are in fact thee most fantastically scrumptious things I’ve ever laid eyes on and I let them know this constantly. I see the little smirks when I tell them.

You’re the best person to give her this boost of self esteem. Anyway, anything your sil did or didn’t do seems to be all your own conscience.

OMG the amount of grief the OP is getting!!!

I am sure her daughter is beautiful to her. Perhaps she isn't conventionally what is considered to be beautiful, and what is wrong with that? Plenty of children/people aren't!!

And we all know people with particularly beautifully coloured hair? I have a DD who is naturally blonde and her hair is gorgeous, very striking (wee shit keeps dyeing it different colours, talk about ungrateful!!)

Hopefully at 7, she didn't notice that her aunt left her out. Had she ever even met her before? Presumably not in the OP's DD's memory, if she has been away for years. I'd have spoken up and said something at the time, but I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. I have a horrible sister and a horrible SIL and their opinions couldn't matter any less to me.

Haven’t read the whole thread but I do feel sorry for your daughter if this is how you’re talking about her at age 7. Hair like a golden retriever? It’s her best feature? Seriously??

You say that you’ll never tell her this, that you don’t think she’s beautiful. What are you going to say if she ever receives mean comments from bullies at school (as a lot of kids do)? Are you going to ‘say it as you see it’ then? Tell her she’s not beautiful? Jesus.

Was it "nobody" as per your title, or just your SIL?

Not the same person you want to report to social services is it?

@theleafandnotthetree
Jesus... That's an assessment. Are you yourself plain or does she not match up to you looks wise?