How much to give my friend for her wedding?

[Dancemumma]

My friend of 20 years is getting married very soon. She’s asked for money as they already have everything they need at home. The whole wedding is paid for my their parents, It’s a huge wedding and they’re on track to receive £5000-£10,000 in wedding gifts.

Would £100 from me and my family be okay? I can’t really afford it but feel it could damage the friendship if I don’t.

All day invite £100, evening only £50

If it’s a sit down meal, Id give £200, £100 is acceptable. None of your business what they receive & it’s rude of you to even think about calculating what they might receive.

We got gifts ranging from a bottle of prosecco up to £600! The bottle of prosecco came from my friend of around 15 years. I know that's all she can afford, and we enjoyed it with lunch the next day! Don't go short to give a present. They will enjoy whatever you choose to give

£100 is MORE than enough.

I'd give £50. I gave £100 to a nephew, friends I'd normally do £50. None of us are hard up.

When we got married we had a book of ideas for gifts of a range of values. I think the cheapest was a £2 kitchen implement. Nothing at all would’ve been fine too with a sincere good wish. Give what you want & can afford, no true friend would want you to do more.

Give them £50 that’s more than enough. Personally I asked people not to bring gifts or cash because we had everything we needed. We asked those who felt the need to give something, to give to charity instead.

For similar events everyone seemed to agree £50 is the ideal amount, less of course would be appreciated. X

£50 is decent and £100 is excessive! To be honest £0 and a lovely card is enough and if it's not then they're not your friends. Maybe it's because I come from low income background and never did the big wedding thing. I think it's a bit tacky presuming you'll get x amount from guests.

Urgh, cash wedding requests are the MOST crass + grabby. The only way it’s remotely acceptable is a ‘we’re lucky enough to have everything we need, but if you’d life to contribute to a honeymoon fund..’ or similar. And even then I don’t like it!

If you’re tight for cash then DEFINITELY dont make it tighter by giving more than you could easily afford to give.

a lovely card + maybe a thoughtful token. If she’s an old friend do you know what she’s having as the first dance? You could have the lyrics printed on some tea towels? Or spend £30 and get a bread board with wedding date on it

https://www.notonthehighstreet.com/therusticdish/product/personalised-couples-cheese-chopping-board?cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=17950527492&cq_term=&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&cq_plt=gp&DGMKT=FID__TID__PID_764151_CRI_&gbraid=0AAAAADPgpfVN2LUNrLAGW3_E_SRN9fHyi&gclid=CjwKCAjwseSoBhBXEiwA9iZtxsiOTIDFMbFqFgErGVWijV1A_8zhp3m7dLcquQSi3eZR1Ae0lkEP-RoCbX4QAvD_BwE

I gave 50 at my friends wedding a few months back. I just couldn’t bring myself to give more as I think asking for money is tacky! Don’t attack, just a personal opinion!

I would think about the reception and the cost of your meal/fizz etc. But anyway, probably £60 is more than enough. Personally I hate the idea of giving people money for their weddings - I'd much prefer a personal gift - a lovely, book, a plant/s, some gorgeous candles etc.

The mount depends on how close you are with your friend and how comfortable you are financially. Giving money as a wedding gift is not uncommon where Im from. In fact I had two weddings in two countires as DH and I come from different countries, yet we lived in another country. All the guests have offered us money as gift because they knew we wouldnt be able to take gifts back to where we lived. We were so greatful. The money we received from DHs family and friends paid for our honey moon. The money we received from my family and friends became part of our house deposit.

We used to give £20, out last wedding was in June and we gave £40. I’m not sure I could ever give £100. It seems such a lot. More so if it was a stretch!

If you can't really afford it then don't give that much.

If they have everything they need, then they don't need money either. I do wish people in this situation wouldn't ask for anything. Sharing the day with the people important to them should be enough.

I give £100 (or spend roughly that on gifts) for very close friends, or relatives. However I can afford to do that. I would spend less if it was too much to comfortably afford.

I am speechless that they’ve not only asked for money despite not paying for their wedding and having everything they need, but that she’s also discussing what she’s already received. So, so greedy and bad mannered. Work out what you can afford, give her that and if she still wants more money from you then she’s a CF, not a good friend.

I recently was very fortunate to attend a wedding in Bali, daughter of a close friend. The bride and groom made it very clear that they didn’t want gifts as they appreciated the effort and money guests had put in to attend the wedding. Unless you can afford more, I think £50 is quite enough.

When my daughter got married she had her own house and all the trimmings so she asked for a bottle of wine with a message. They got about 50 odd bottles of wine ranging from nice to very nice and had a years worth of enjoyment reading the messages whilst popping a bottle open. I thought that was a lovely idea!

If your friendship would be damaged over a less than £100 wedding gift, then it’s not a real or good friendship

I haven't been to many weddings, but the majority I've been to where I've given generously, have ended in divorce within five years.

Another friend who had a wedding list with mainly expensive kitchen gadgets, emigrated with her husband to Australia a year later. She told me that as it was so expensive to ship their belongings, they'd sold everything apart from clothes and sentimental items at a car boot, and were going to start from scratch when they got there!

I got married in 2005. One person put £5 in a card. I still remember how touched we were to receive it, knowing how hard up she was. In fact, another couple gave us £200 on the same day, for which we were very grateful. That couple are very well off. That evening, my husband said "I'll never forget that Maggie gave us that £5. I know she can't afford a gift like that"
If your friends are decent people, they will appreciate your situation. In your position I'd give £50.

We recently gave £50 as a wedding gift, given the amount we spent to attend, new outfits and overnight accommodation etc, we felt that was more than enough.

Yes, not many can afford a trip to Bali.

@Nononsensemumsy do people really prioritise a new outfit for a wedding over the wedding gift. The only times I've ever bought a new frock/outfit just for a wedding have been for the wedding of DH's former girlfriend and as the mother-of-the groom.