To think you can't behave however you want because of MH issues?

[insertanswerhere]

DH is struggling atm with MH issues. He's usually such a lovely, lively person but at the moment our life stresses are causing him to be irritable, moody...basically hard to be around. He'll get mad at me about anything, raise his voice at me and the kids, make the home environment not a nice place to be. I know it's because he's feeling like he can't cope at the minute so I'm not saying anything and trying to take on as much as I can myself so that he doesn't have to. But does he have the right to be unkind to everyone because he's struggling? Do I just have to put up with it so that I'm being supportive? How can I say, without making things worse, that he can't go on behaving in this way? (He's currently getting help for his issues but it's early days).

Not passive agressive at all.

My point is people aren't listening. To anything.

What most are saying is: 'If my mentally ill spouse's behaviour is affecting me or my child negatively, I don't care what's wrong with them, they can leave.'

That IS literally what people are saying.

So I've just changed tack and agreed with them because I can't be arsed trying to reason with people who insist on being so ignorant. That's all.

If it's all the same to you I won't because I'm kinda done with all the hysterical responses from people on this thread.

The OP said her DP gets 'irritable'. However, posters on here have taken irritable and run with it, suggesting he's a full-on abusive psychopath, who needs to be moved as far away as possible from his children.

I've made my view clear: those who are mentally unwell need support. I don't need to explain my standpoint any more People clearly disagree. That's fine.
I'm just SO very thankful that I don't have those kinds of people in my life.

"We’re reading on this thread posters imply someone will kill themselves if they can’t use their family as an emotional punchbag or that they are being unkind if they decide that the mental health of them and their children is also important."

Blimey! Talk about twist what's been said. Unfortunately, both of these things ARE true. You just don't want to hear them.

YES - There is a very real chance that someone in the grip of depression might see THAT as the only way out if they don't feel able to talk about their illness to their families. Which is what people on here are suggesting when they say those with MH issues should effectively 'hide' their symptoms.

YES too to the fact that those saying they would turf their mentally ill spouse out because of how their 'irritability' makes them feel IS unkind. It might be what those people feel they need to do - but it IS still unkind. People just need to own it.

BOTH of these things are true. The fact you don't want to hear it doesn't make it any less so.

Do you not understand that creating an environment where people are walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting someone and making them angry is abuse?

None of the responses have been hysterical. People are outlining what behaviours are and aren’t acceptable. Shouting at a three year old for doing normal three year old things isn’t acceptable.

They need support but if their behaviour goes out of the realm of the acceptable then they may need to step back and remove themselves and return when they’re better.

You seem intent on the mentally ill being incapable of taking any responsibility for how they impact others. Instead your angle seems to be that those around them should just grin and bear it because, after all, they’re not the ones who is unwell, right?

@Jumpingthruhoops If a person kills themselves, that is a choice that they and they alone have made. It is not the fault of the family or friends for refusing to be their emotional punching bags.

It’s highly manipulative to suggest that unless people are willing to put up with being treated like shit that the person will kill themselves. Manipulative and abusive.

No one is talking about someone simply talking about their struggles. We’re talking about someone who may be creating an emotional unstable and abusive environment for their family including their children.

It’s not unkind to put the needs of a child above the needs of an adult. Quite the opposite.

in my opinion mental health issues is a REASON but it is not an excuse. there is a difference. it explains why they behave that way, but it doesn't excuse it. you don't have to put up with unnacceptable behaviour that makes you feel terrible. move away from the situation, leave them to it and if they calm down you can have a conversation with them about it. i have mh issues of my own and live with someone who is also physically ill and i still dont let bad, hurtful behaviour slide.

The OP said her partner is irritable. Everyone else has come up with these wild theories that he's abusive. You've again insisted on using the term 'emotional punching bag' - dramatic much!?

It's not manipulative to suggest someone may take drastic action if they feel forced to hide their symptoms from their symptoms. I'm just stating facts. Facts that you clearly don't want to hear.

Seems you're just going to keep challenging everything I say because the truth makes you uncomfortable. That very much is your problem. Not mine.

💯 People can’t be held responsible for someone killing themselves just because they have protected their own mental health and /or the mental health of children.
I wish someone had told teenage me that when an adult family member tried to put the responsibility for keeping them alive on me.

YES - There is a very real chance that someone in the grip of depression might see THAT as the only way out if they don't feel able to talk about their illness to their families. Which is what people on here are suggesting when they say those with MH issues should effectively 'hide' their symptoms.

@Jumpingthruhoops People can talk about their illness, the problem is if they are snapping at partners and especially children over minor things.

They should also be receiving therapy or talking to a helpline because there’s only so much family or friends can listen.

YES too to the fact that those saying they would turf their mentally ill spouse out because of how their 'irritability' makes them feel IS unkind. It might be what those people feel they need to do - but it IS still unkind. People just need to own it

This so called irritability is actually creating an atmosphere where people are walking on eggshells it’s abusive. The spouse can either manage how they act (we don’t always need to act on how we feel)or take a temporary break from the household. The choice is theirs.

It is unkind to children to expect them to put up with that kind of environment. They didn’t ask to be brought into the world and they have nowhere to go. They should be your priority. It is also unkind to yourself if you start developing poor emotional health as a result of tolerating frequent snapping, grumbling and outbursts.

Children over adults. Period.

YES - There is a very real chance that someone in the grip of depression might see THAT as the only way out if they don't feel able to talk about their illness to their families. Which is what people on here are suggesting when they say those with MH issues should effectively 'hide' their symptoms.

So you are blaming the kids if their parent takes their own life? Seriously? If the children + spouse could have just let them know they would take whatever they needed to take as emotional punchbags then they would have got better. I find that really manipulative.

it doesn’t make me uncomfortable because it’s not the truth. It’s simply your opinion.

You also have the opinion that people should remain in emotionally abusive relationships if the excuse is MH.

So I don’t think much of your opinion or alleged truth.

If you don’t know that creating an environment where people are on edge and walking on eggshells can be classed as emotional abuse, you do now.

It absolutely is manipulative, holding the threat of suicide over someone’s head unless they behave in a way that you want. Manipulative and abusive.

@Jumpingthruhoops perhaps read what I actually said and respond to that?You made a statement that implied criticism of all MH staff by putting professional in quotes. I responded based on my personal and extensive experience - not of one persons mental health, but hundreds of peoples. And there is a very common theme, whether you want to admit it or not, of people using MH difficulties to excuse bad behaviour. Not everyone of course, but it is not unusual. This thread is about the difficult situation OP posted about, so I will keep further comments directed at that.

That's obviously NOT what I'm saying, and I think you know that. A three-year old is not to 'blame'. Obviously.

I really don't understand what people are condemning me for. I'm not saying it would be anyone else's fault. Just that more than one thing can be a reality at the same time.

And the reality here is that, yes, families of those with very poor mental health can absolutely do whatever they need to do to protect the emotional wellbeing of themselves and their child, which may mean turfing their mentally ill spouse out onto the street.
All I'm saying is that that action may have, in reality, a very unintended consequence. Which it might.
I'm sorry but I really can't sugarcoat it for those of you who are uncomfortable with the truth.

OK. Keep telling yourself that. 👍🏻

So, as a mental professional, you have just read my entire post about my frankly diabolical experience of mental health services in the UK... and THAT'S your response!?

I rest my case.

@Jumpingthruhoops I am not sure what you expected or wanted or why my response leads to you resting your case. I am not responsible for what happened to you so I am not going to comment on it or agree that all MH staff should be referred to as 'professionals' implying their expertise is not valid or helpful. I was commenting on an aspect of my experience which is perfectly valid in the context of this thread. You seem to be looking for arguments on here, so I will not engage with you further.

I totally relate to this.

@Jumpingthruhoops why should @Atethehalloweenchocs have to do anything to pacify you re health professionals? You seem to feel that you've had a poor experience and i feel therefore you think everyone should adapt their behaviours to ensure that a person who feels/presents as mentally unwell has their every need and want met, even if this is to the detriment of everyone else, even their young children and if a parent puts their child before their partner, we'll that's 'unkind'. Can't ever agree with this!

Well put @MyGooseisTotallyLoose. I hope the OP got some help from this thread before it got highjacked.

I know chocs and feel a need to apologise to op as its absolutely diverted from the ops initial post to a hugely different moral and highly diverse issue!

Why? Because they are a health professional. If someone came onto a thread condemning my profession, I would do all I could to reassure them that their experience of my industry wasn't the norm. The fact they made zero effort to do this, suggests to me that it is.

You're right, this thread has been hijacked. But not by me.

It was hijacked by those who were absolutely unwilling to consider OP's issue from the standpoint of the person who's mentally unwell. The same people who got all hysterical when I suggested that the neglect of that person could have a very unintended consequence.

I frankly cannot believe I'm having a debate on understanding those with poor mental health, with a mental health 'professional'.
And, yes, those inverted commas were deliberate.
Don't @ me again.

Oh behave and I can't be bothered @ ing
such a self important individual.
It seems you've had MH difficulties so this is a sensitive topic for you, however as has been repeatedly said this doesn't mean you can do as you will with impunity
Again no ones said they won't consider the person reporting mh needs, only that because they do,.doesn't mean whatever they do is ok!

People struggling with MH issues need boundaries, it can help to navigate the chaos. He still is responsible for his actions and supporting him to see that these are his actions and he is an adult and has got some agency then it can help. Does he have a diagnosis, medication or treatment. It's not enough for him to be struggling he needs to seek help and recognise you deserve that too. The right treatment and understanding MH condition can be the way forward into health again.

@Jumpingthruhoops Its not @Atethehalloweenchocs responsibility to disprove your experience with an industry that she happens to work in.

She is here, posting as an individual, not as a representative of her industry. Even if she did make an attempt to do what you claim to want her to do- you won’t listen. You’ll just do what you’ve done to every single other person on this thread who has had the misfortune of interacting with you.

We get it. You class people with MH issues as above everyone else and therefore everyone else’s needs should come a distant second. Even if they’re actual children who have zero say.

You’ve classed everyone who has dared to suggest a potentially emotionally abusive situation as hysterical but heaven forbid we don’t take your word as the gospel truth.