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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

1000 replies

IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel · 29/09/2023 10:32

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

OP posts:
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Melstarrynight · 29/09/2023 10:34

I think if you can afford it I would buy them back myself and quickly. Yes the friendship is dead.

Floppyelf · 29/09/2023 10:35

Get the shoes back. End this ridiculous friendship. Some people are lifelong parasites and she is one of them. Be comfortable in your own presence. Enjoy your time in the world.

Teentaxidriver · 29/09/2023 10:35

Your ex-friend is a massive CF. DO NOT BACKTRACK.

Motnight · 29/09/2023 10:35

Get her to buy the shoes back and give them to you.

cocksstrideintheevening · 29/09/2023 10:35

Buy the shoes back if you can and have nothing to do with her ever again.

DisforDarkChocolate · 29/09/2023 10:35

Feck no should you buy them back!

She needs to pay, either way, she has ruined the friendship.

W0tnow · 29/09/2023 10:35

She can buy them back. I wouldn’t budge, and I’d be very angry.

HundredMilesAnHour · 29/09/2023 10:35

Get your shoes back asap. It sounds like you've been a good friend but she most definitely is a huge CF.

lilyblue5 · 29/09/2023 10:36

I don’t think you should have to do this but - would you trust her to pay you back the money if you bought them back yourself? (On a monthly basis or something?)

Your message makes it clear you were just lending them.
Shes a CF for sure. Has she really fallen on such hard times that maybe she wasn’t thinking straight?

tinkerbellvspredator · 29/09/2023 10:36

Tell her to buy them back now. Then block her. If she doesn't then you'll just have to buy them yourself.

ASCCM · 29/09/2023 10:36

Buy the shoes back yourself and send her a payment plan.

she is an utter bitch. I can barely believe what she did!

Niinja · 29/09/2023 10:37

How much will it cost to get them back?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 29/09/2023 10:37

She shouldn't have sold something that didn't belong to her. She should buy the shoes back, or give you the money to buy them back. It's her fuck up and not up to you to resolve. She knew exactly what she was doing.

fevertotell · 29/09/2023 10:38

ASCCM · 29/09/2023 10:36

Buy the shoes back yourself and send her a payment plan.

she is an utter bitch. I can barely believe what she did!

THIS. What a CF she is.

Steev · 29/09/2023 10:39

Get your shoes back asap before they're sold and never speak to her again.

Yesnomaybeok · 29/09/2023 10:40

She won't get them back and you'll miss out. Go and get them now so you don't regret losing the shoes. She's an absolute CF and I don't believe for one second that she sold them to get food.

SausageAndEggSandwich · 29/09/2023 10:40

Tell her you'll go to the police and report theft if she doesn't return the shoes to you today

ShooLala · 29/09/2023 10:40

Absolute piss-taking CF.

CreationNat1on · 29/09/2023 10:41

She stole your shoes and now she is trying to guilt trip you. Her adult children can get jobs. Your shoes do not have to feed her kids.

Get your shoes back and cut ties.

dimsumfatsum · 29/09/2023 10:41

What a cheeky cow. Don't listen to any ifs/buts. Get those shoes back. Insist to the shop that they don't sell them to anyone else as they were stolen.

CoffeeCantata · 29/09/2023 10:41

She is completely in the wrong.

You can't have what you can't afford. The idea that you'd just give her these shoes! I find it very hard to believe that anyone would genuinely think that. And, even if they did, it would be sensible to make absolutely sure that was the case before selling them. And you went to the trouble of going over to hers with them and all the other things.

Whether she's short of money is beside the point - some people have more and some less money than all of us - that's life. You went to trouble in a very generous way to help her and she took advantage.

Don't feel guilty! I'm afraid I can hear the old saying 'No good turn goes unpunished' playing in my head.

IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel · 29/09/2023 10:43

I can barely believe what she has done either.
She has had a tough time, but she has history of wallowing and not helping herself and I've stupidly always helped her.

The pawn shop won't hold them for me (rightly so) whilst I figure this out. I'm tempted to buy them back myself but I really don't think she will stick to a payment plan.

I'm going to ask her to buy them and put my address down as delivery and for her to send me confirmation. I just didn't know if I was being a dick for asking her that, as she has been through a hard time the past year and openly admits herself to hitting rock bottom. I thinks she probably thought I wouldn't ask for them back again and took her chances.

Once this is sorted I'll never speak to her again, I am livid.

OP posts:
NigelHarmansNewWife · 29/09/2023 10:43

Wow, she takes the CF biscuit. And what would she have done about her mortgage and buying food had she not had your shoes?

She's lying - she's got into some other debt or is just trying it on out of a sense of entitlement because she perceives you as much better off than she is - because surely she would have asked you for help if she really was in such dire straits?

randomchap · 29/09/2023 10:44

You could take the nuclear option. Go to the police and report them as stolen.

Then go to the pawn shop and demand your property back. They have no legal right to them, they were not your so called friends to pawn

IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel · 29/09/2023 10:44

CoffeeCantata · 29/09/2023 10:41

She is completely in the wrong.

You can't have what you can't afford. The idea that you'd just give her these shoes! I find it very hard to believe that anyone would genuinely think that. And, even if they did, it would be sensible to make absolutely sure that was the case before selling them. And you went to the trouble of going over to hers with them and all the other things.

Whether she's short of money is beside the point - some people have more and some less money than all of us - that's life. You went to trouble in a very generous way to help her and she took advantage.

Don't feel guilty! I'm afraid I can hear the old saying 'No good turn goes unpunished' playing in my head.

That's exactly what my husband said.
You can't help some people!

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