Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

That's beyond being a CF
She's a thief who has massively ripped off and stolen from a friend who has been nothing but good to her.
I hope you get them back.
I'd not hold back on telling the friendship circle either if she doesn't buy them back for you herself.

Yes they're handling stolen goods. Hope you get them back.
She's shit in her nest now!

I can't believe what I read, what a cheeky woman

It's possible that won't fly as OP doesn't have proof of purchase (they were a gift).

I'd buy the shoes back myself and send a payment plan to the CF friend albeit with no expectation she'd repay anything. And, mentally, I'd offset the expense of buying them back against future monies 'saved' by me not helping her out with money, or anything else, in the future.

I would make mutual friends aware of the situation in a non-emotional, matter of fact way, just in case they were to try to start stirring them up against me or came up with a sob story.

I'd be telling her if she hasn't sent you confirmation that they've been bought back with your delivery address by the end of the day, then you'll be reporting it to the police as theft and with the messages proving it was a loan, there would be enough evidence for them to look at it- she'd be in even more of a situation then!

She won't pay if you buy them back and give her a repayment plan option.

My sister has done this repeatedly to my parents to fund her drug habit. Stolen valuable items and pawned them.

It only stopped when my parents reported the latest theft to the police and got the items back as they were stolen goods.

This is not on you. Her guilt trip is total deflection. She's made a bad decision. Friendship is over regardless at this point.

Buy them back now before someone grabs them, then put the frighteners on her and say you'll get a court order if she doesn't pay you the money back by the end of this week. Fucking unbelievable.

As others have said, I think you should report this to the police, this is theft. Also inform the shop that they are handling stolen goods and that the police are involved. The entitlement of this woman is unbelievable, she's a criminal and should be treated as such.

That is outrageously poor behaviour on her part!

Not a chance she’ll buy them back, I’d go and get them yourself. Cut her off and tell all your mutual friends what she has done.

I don't have proof of ownership as my lovely brother gave them to me as a wedding present. I gave them to her in the box with the dust bags / heels etc in. The only proof I've got is pictures of me wearing them on my wedding day!

I've called the store again, it's miles away. I'm so fucking angry I could cry.
I think at this point I need to order them myself don't I 😔
They are limited edition shoes, which cost my brother a bomb. That's why they mean so much to me and I thought I could trust a practically life long friend to wear them to an indoor event.

I now need to figure out if I can afford to buy them back, it's going to cost me hundreds to get them back. I just hate the fact she's sitting on money which has been given to her by selling MY property. I doubt the shop would've given her much for them anyway.. I'm so fucking angry.

Anyway I've called the shop, they told me when they were 'sold' and it was a matter of WEEKS after I lent them to her. The bloke who i spoke to was really helpful this time. I asked about a time frame or if she had a loan against them and she hasn't, she literally sold them for cash.

I'll get them back today. Is there anyway if I buy them back, of me enforcing a payment plan with her if I threaten her with police or small claims? I'm thinking of buying them back, and sending her a headed letter with a payment plan.
Not holding my breath though, I doubt I'll get a penny out of her.

I'll be telling our mutual friends in our circle too, that's for sure.

1. Address the urgency option first. Tell the pawn shop they are a stolen item, and talk to them about returning the shoes to you. Ensure you agree with them that they CANNOT sell them in the mean time, until this matter is resolved.
2. Find any documentation you can which proves the shoes are yours. (Involve brother if necessary.) Forward this to the pawn shop (this may include emails which prove you lent the shoes to CF)
3. Tell CF you will report the matter to the police unless she returns the shoes to you. Stay strong against her attempts to manipulate
4. Outcome - either you have the shoes back or you go to the police.

Buy them back, put them on, use them to kick her into touch

I don't think she's going to give you any money OP - Whether that's because she genuinely doesn't have any money to do that, or whether it's because she is a mountain of a CF, and they aren't mutually exclusive. For that reason what's really the point of imagining she is going to participate in a payment plan - she's already sold your shoes for money, and is trying every trick in the book to not pay you back. I'd just want nothing more to do with her, and pronto. She knows what she did.

Ultimately if you want your shoes back you'll either have to buy them yourself or report her to the police, have the item added to the stolen goods database and pass the crime number and details to the pawn shop re: handling of stolen goods and go down that route, which will potentially be lengthy.

Whoever bought them for op should have proof as probably used a CC?

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids ...

Standard response from users I'm afraid; chuck the "poor deprived" kids into it in the hope of playing on your sympathy

The "friendship" is over , so while you may well finish up having to buy them back yourself you might as well try pushing her to do it - and at least you won't be doing her any more favours in future

Oh wow!!!

I can’t see her sticking to a payment plan - but as they have sentimental value I would buy them back and insist she pays you £x per week

Reminds me of the time I lent a LV handbag to a ‘friend’ - she refused to give it back saying I’d given it to her. And then she caused a massive scene insisting I collected it from her workplace only (as opposed to her returning it to me or just handing it over on her doorstep) Never spoken to her since!!!!

PS The pawn shop does have a responsibility, when buying items, to check that they are the property of the person selling to them. They obviously did not do this so you have a case against them. You have at least emails/messages agreeing to lend them to CF..... Because they have failed in their responsibility you have a strong case for refunding to them what they paid to CF and not a penny more.....

Your other option is that you buy them back and sue her for the loss. Small claims court. They will assess her financial hardship and if she gets a judgment against her, it can be enforced against her assets (house).

I'd go hard lines on this. Absolutely LIVID

The pawn shop confirmed that they took a photocopy of her ID and a proof of address, and she had to sign something too.

She's literally committed fraud.

I need to let our mutual friends know. There's a handful of us in a group chat. I bloody hate group chats but im so tempted write a very emotionless factual message (Thanks PP) informing them of what she has done.

Well she had the money weeks ago so she's had weeks to figure out how to pay her bills, hasn't she. I would definitely get the police involved. She's a thief.

What she's done is outrageous but the shoes are so special to you, your priority must be to get them back, then try to get her to pay up later

No good deed goes unpunished. Buy them back, give her a deadline to return the money, then take her to small claims court if she doesn't pay up. It's really cheap and easy to do. She won't stand a chance there.

I agree. In this case my personal priority would be getting my possessions back and then getting the money back from her. Through asking nicely, small claims court, the police whatever it took really. I'd ask the pawn shop for as much evidence as they could give me.

The most urgent thing to do is buy them back. She won’t pay you for them, but think of it as money saved in the future that you would have used helping her out.