Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

She is being a CF and the friendship is over.

I'd buy them back yourself then tell her she can pay you back £50 a week and if she doesn't pay you'll take her to court for the money you had to pay to get them back.

Sorry but I doubt she'll buy them back or pay you back if you do.
You could go down the route and tell her to pawn something of hers and reimburse you but she lives In a different area and you'd have to frog March her in and chances are she'd just not answer the door to you, blocking your calls etc

My mum loaned someone money to buy and oven so she could feed her child never paid her back.
Some people are just not worth the energy or time.
If you have any mutual friends I would update them as well.

This is the thing, I have helped her when she's asked.
I've done online shopping for her, I've given her cash, I've done my fair bit for her.

I'm going to message her now and ask for her to order them and send me confirmation. It's an online pawn shop which sells handbags and designer shoes etc. I'll threaten her with the police too which I will consider actually doing. She's a bit block heavy though so if I go in too hard she will probably block me and I'll have to buy them back myself. At least one way or another I will get them back.

I'd buy them back myself rather than wait for the CF 'friend' to do so. By the sound of it she'll never pay you back.

I’d tell the shop that if they don’t hold them for you then you’ll report them for selling stolen goods!

I didn't think of updating mutual friends.. I've kept this under wraps since I found out but she's part of a friendship circle, I should probably tell our friends in case this has happened before or she will do it to another one of us in the group.

I’d tell the shop that if they don’t hold them for you then you’ll report them for selling stolen goods!

Good point!

I wouldn’t be surprised if you find out she’s done similar to others when you tell them.

I spoke to them yesterday and they were really helpful in locating them, I know the shoes are definitely mine and not someone else's that have been pawned.

I'll call them again with this info, thank you. I didn't actually use the words 'stolen goods' I just said she sold shoes that weren't hers.

I'm going to call them now!

I took a very sharp intake of breath at this one. I would INSIST she paid you back, if she keeps bleating on about bills/food I wouldn't even acknowledge it, don't say sorry to hear that or anything, just tell her when you expect the money. A carefully worded letter on headed paper would be my next step. She has effectively stolen hundred of pounds from you. More than CF she is a C&#ty Fuck.

She’s basically a thief - buy them back yourself to be safe if she might not to do it and then you can block her

Tell her she has two options.

1/ she buys them back and returns then to you before Monday

2/ you go to the police and report her as having stolen your property and sold them on. You've done most of the work for them as you know where they are, what she's done, all the details of the person who sold them etc so it's pretty cut and dry.

Whether or not you'd actually go through and report her is another matter, tell her those are the options and she has until a specific time on Monday to hsve them back in your possession or you will head straight to the nearest police ststion with your evidence due to the fact its so pressing so that they're not sold in the mean time. (also with a crime number/police involved the shop won't be able to sell them in the mean time too whilst it's looked into.)

I would also tell mutual friends who you trust that this is what she's done because it will be twisted by her that you've 'forced her into poverty'.

She's no friend so don't be swayed by her stories about how it would put her in hardship. It would anyway if she hadn't had the money from the shoes that aren't hers to sell. She wouldn't have had it, she still shouldn't have it because she shouldn't have sold the shoes.

^ this is a good idea and more than fair.

This is absolutely appalling behaviour! She 100% needs to buy them back and give them back to you. I wouldn't believe a word she says about not being able to afford the mortgage etc, sounds like a load of old cobblers to me, just excuses!

The friendship is over.
I would buy them back myself.
If she refunds you, great but I wouldn't hold my breath.
Chalk it up to experience, neither a borrower nor a lender be.

How much are the shop selling them for? Will they give them to you for what she was paid rather then including their markup on if you explain they were stolen?

If you can afford it I'd go and get them back either way, chalk it up to experience then cut her off.

I wouldn't leave her to get them back if they mean a lot to you, but you could ask her for the money back she was paid. How far you want to take that is entirely up to you.

😯 Well, she's a shocker.

Hope you get them back. Definitely leave her to her plimsolls in the future.

Doesn't sound like she has any plans on buying them back. I'd buy them back myself and end the friendship

Tell the pawn shop they are nicked

How horrible, after all you did to help her as well!
Tell her what she has done is theft and fraud, and that you are giving her one chance to put it right and buy the shoes back, and if she doesn't, you are going straight to the police. And follow through.
She sounds like the type who thinks the world owes her something. This could be a wake up call for her (though I sadly doubt it).
Hope you get them back asap x

They are literally handling stolen goods. Tell the store you will have to involve the police as you can prove they are yours and prove theyve been stolen. Tell her that aswel.

I'd tell her she needs to buy them back. Then buy them back myself. When she tells you they're gone, say "well then you need to pay me for them".

What a cow! This friendship is dead any any financial problems she has are her own doing, not yours. If she doesn’t get the shoes back I would report her for theft.

Shes a lying manipulative thief.

If a friend gave me her expensive designer stuff Id be expressing way more gratitude than if it was a loan! And I certainly wouldnt accept it and then sell it a couple months later without even asking first. Theres absolutely way she really thought the shoes were hers to sell.

In your place, Id buy the shoes back as Id be scared to loose them. Then Id tell her to repay me the money immediately. Tell her clearly that youre now skint because youve had to pay for your OWN shoes to be returned, and in what way should her financial problems now be yours? Keep at her until shes repaid you, if she moans about how skint she is then be blunt: "yes, now I'm skint too - so thanks for that!"

Once you have your money back Id break off all contact with her.

Wow she has a massive pair of brass balls doesn’t she