Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

More than fair? Total wet blanket territory if you ask me! She has stolen from the OP, fenced stolen goods and the OP will likely never see a penny from the CF if she buys them back and ask the ex-friend to enter into a payment plan with her.

What a fucking arsehole. I really hope you manage to get your shoes back -good luck with the pawn shop. The threat of reporting stolen goods is a great idea. The friendship is obviously totally over, I wouldn't hold out much hope of her actually buying them back or completing a payment plan with you. If she had the balls to pawn your shoes she certainly won't feel worried about your feelings or paying you back.

Complete CF. I would buy then from the pawn shop and not contact the “friend” again.

Love this idea. I'd be making her sweat and stress to hell and back!

Complete CF. I would buy then from the pawn shop and not contact the “friend” again.

Fuck that!

Friendship is over- call the store and say they’re stolen goods and you’re going to need them back. They can pursue your « friend » for any losses they incur.

What is a CF?

Don’t know why post twice, sorry.

Cheeky Fucker

Aside from the fact that you were mad to lend something so sentimental that could have easily been damaged through being worn, she is completely in the wrong here and needs to pay to get the shoes back.

This is a ludicrous plan OP. She won’t buy the shoes back for you. If you want them you need to get down there today and buy them back rather than threatening to report the shop which, potentially justified, won’t incline them to help you.

What have I just read?? This isn't friendship!
How bloody cheeky of her. Her financial affairs are not your problem. I'd rather a friend ask me for a loan of cash rather than sell my belongings. The complete lack of respect is absolutely cheeky fuckery.

Massive CF. The way some people treat others who are kind and generous to them never ceases to amaze me. I've experienced something very similar and it ruined the friendship completely. Report them stolen . Good luck OP it's very hurtful

The shoes have sentimental value and at the moment they are presumably listed on a website so someone could buy them at any minute. In all honesty, I don’t think she’ll buy them and I don’t think she’ll give you the money to buy them. In your shoes (pardon the pun) my priority would be to get the shoes back so I’d buy them, give her a payment plan just in case she develops a conscience, and then block her, and yes I would tell my circle of friends so she couldn’t do it to anyone else.

Massive CF!. Low self esteem and poor, sounds like a fly one to me.

And tell her you’re going to report them stolen and claim on your insurance.

You're right to phone the shop and tell them they're stolen goods but good luck to them getting cash out of CF friend so you'll pay for them, they send them to you or you collect and you won't report that they're handling stolen goods.

Tell cheeky fuck to get absolutely fucked and block her. Her children will go hungry because of her life choices. Bitch.

Come on...how else has she been a twat before this?

This. She is bang out of order.

I would buy the shoes back if they meant that much to me and I would never speak to her again.

Yes you've lost the money in buying the shoes back but you won't have her being an emotional and financial drain again. It's a small price to pay for dumping her.

Her excuses not being able to pay are disgusting bullshit.

I do have to say though that if the shoes meant that much to you, why would you allies someone else's feet inside them? That's gross.

What is she had tripped and snapped a heel?

Never a lender or a borrower be. It usually ends in tears as you've now found out.

What a manipulative bitch.

Don't let on the friendship is over yet. Get the shoes back or the money from her and then dump her so quickly her head will spin.

I find it hard to believe she won't be able to pay mortgage feed kids (?) etc if she buys them back, surely if this was the case she would just say I have zero funds. She's trying to guilt trip you. She can bloody well take out a credit card or something if she hasn't got the money, they were never hers to sell. Try and get her to buy them back first, as the friendship is dead anyway, if not you ll have to buy them.

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel life is too short to waste on ex-cf friends.

Get your shoes back - you don't need to pay, the shop has stolen goods. Involve the police if you need to.

Your message is clear you were loaning them to her.

Tell her what you're doing, that you don't have money to buy them back either so she's leaving you with no option.

Don't correspond with her further unless this prompts her to but the shoes back and return then.

Formally end the friendship once you have your shoes back and move on. Her behaviour remains with her.

Sending a hug, I'd be devastated if a DF did this to me x

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It sounds like you have been very kind and giving over the years. What she has done re the shoes is off the scale atrocious really really bad. It says everything about the person she is that she did this to a loving supportive friend.
Block and move on she's not worth an ounce of your headspace x