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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

1000 replies

IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel · 29/09/2023 10:32

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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smallshinybutton · 01/10/2023 16:20

Fallenangelofthenorth · 01/10/2023 15:57

It's an open forum though. I guess the people in style and beauty are happy to share these images? They're not indecent or anything I don't think. Just people wearing new outfits, yes?

Yes that's true. Just seems odd to me to have a forum slagging off the clothing choice of people on another forum.

OneLittleFinger · 01/10/2023 16:39

Out of interest, how old is she? It's just that she's beginning to sound like someone I knew at school, who liked the dramatic stories but failed to get parity in the details between different groups of people. She'd be about 50 now though, and, unfortunately, I'm sure people like that aren't as rare as one might hope.

CustardySergeant · 01/10/2023 16:53

OneLittleFinger The OP said yesterday at 11.15 "CF is a good 15 years older than me. I'm in my late 20s". It could be the same person, but there are no doubt loads of CFs about unfortunately.

Twazique · 01/10/2023 16:54

I think you and all your friends should take her to the small claims court. All at the same time.

GrannyHelen1 · 01/10/2023 17:04

Wow! Glad the freindship is over - nobody needs this much manipulation and blatant theft in their lives. If she genuinely thought you'd given her the shoes, she would've checked with you before selling them. She was just hoping you'd forgotten about them. Glad you stuck to your guns. The rubbish about starving children etc is just that, so don't let her make you feel bad. She's lucky you didn't report it as a theft.

Usian · 01/10/2023 17:09

Could you get the shoes back and then file a claim for reimbursement? In the US it costs $40 to file a claim up to $4000. I don’t know about UK.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 01/10/2023 17:12

I'd buy them back myself asap before someone else gets them, put it down to a lesson harshly learnt & never lend anything to anyone again

LittleCrackers · 01/10/2023 17:13

Middleagedspreadisreal · 01/10/2023 17:12

I'd buy them back myself asap before someone else gets them, put it down to a lesson harshly learnt & never lend anything to anyone again

Good job you've come on to say this at nearly 1000 posts

HeddaGarbeld · 01/10/2023 17:23

She's lucky you didn't report it as a theft.

Oh the OP was advised to and has said she will @GrannyHelen1 That’ll be Thread 2. Stay tuned.

IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel · 01/10/2023 17:25

Yes I'll be reporting it. I'll probably do a 111 online report tonight.

OP posts:
Wishbone436 · 01/10/2023 17:42

I hate to say that you have been too kind, because some people really need and appreciate it, but in this case you definitely have. She obviously saw your kindness as weakness which is disgusting and shows what kind of person she is. I would go to the police! Might not get your shoes back (although if you can prove ownership with a receipt it might!) either way, it’s a short, sharp slap that she needs. Please do not continue this friendship, because she is absolutely taking advantage of your nature

Luddite26 · 01/10/2023 17:57

The thing with people who are CFs is they sniff out people who are kind and sometimes wring them dry, especially when you are young.

IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel · 01/10/2023 18:36

Well CF has sent me more messages this afternoon but she unsent them before I read them, so I have no idea what they say.

I haven't spoken to her since she's been sending me these messages so she's having quite the conversion with herself.

I thinks she wants me to bite, but I won't. The only time she will hear from me now is when this letter lands on her hallway floor.

OP posts:
Lliria · 01/10/2023 18:45

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel omg it's like something you see on Judge Rinder
Priority get your shoes
Your friend was never a friend

Gonners · 01/10/2023 18:55

@IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel Well CF has sent me more messages this afternoon but she unsent them before I read them, so I have no idea what they say.

It's nice that she's found a new hobby.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/10/2023 19:04

IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel · 01/10/2023 18:36

Well CF has sent me more messages this afternoon but she unsent them before I read them, so I have no idea what they say.

I haven't spoken to her since she's been sending me these messages so she's having quite the conversion with herself.

I thinks she wants me to bite, but I won't. The only time she will hear from me now is when this letter lands on her hallway floor.

I would screenshot that with the time so that you have proof that the messages were deleted before you could read them.

my brother, an abusive and manipulative prick, took screenshots of sent messages as “proof” that he apologised and tried to make things right, but I ignored him… only having proof of them being deleted vvvv quickly helped me show a couple of relatives that he was manipulating that situation as well.

BasilParsley · 01/10/2023 19:05

Poking my head above the parapet @IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel just to say "stay strong". You are in the right. Carry on with the plan you have outlined here and follow it to its proper conclusion xxx

Fallenangelofthenorth · 01/10/2023 19:06

What does the letter say?

PinkMoscatoLover · 01/10/2023 19:13

Pls attach a link for p2 before the thread fills up😬

<I know, I’m frothing at the mouth but I’m so involved>

Nanaof1 · 01/10/2023 19:39

Vistada · 01/10/2023 13:42

OP - FWIW I think you're 100 percent telling the truth

But I think you're starting to enjoy the drama of this thread a bit too much !

Part 2? Why??

Because many, many of us have asked her to do so. We want to keep up with it AND we want a picture of the shoes.

Why not?

Boomerma1969 · 01/10/2023 19:39

Was that necessary!! 🤷🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Nanaof1 · 01/10/2023 19:40

BlurredEdges · 01/10/2023 12:52

This friend can't be so awful if she travelled for over 2 hours just to babysit your child while you went for a meal.

Perhaps the request for money was to cover the travel costs of her 4-hour round trip.

Well, NOW you know that is NOT the reason.

Feel free to try again. S-S-L

Nanaof1 · 01/10/2023 19:47

IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel · 01/10/2023 13:46

I'm not, I'm just aware that many posters have put a lot of time helping me, typing out letter templates, and the thread is close to being closed.

So I will keep those posters, who helped me updated.

This whole thing has been extremely upsetting and this thread has really helped me.

We still have your back.
I am sorry the CFer turned out to be even worse than what you thought. It must be very heart-breaking to have trusted someone and then find out that they abused that trust in so many ways.
Remember this, it is NOT your fault. ANY of it. It's on her and only her. You will rise far, far above this hiccup in your life and she'll still be wallowing in her self-induced self-pity and looking for new victims. You've got this!

Looking quite forward to thread #2!

IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel · 01/10/2023 19:51

Boomerma1969 · 01/10/2023 19:39

Was that necessary!! 🤷🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Was what?

OP posts:
IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel · 01/10/2023 19:51

@Nanaof1

I just want to thank you so much for having my back on this thread. And everyone else too! It means so so much.

I'll make a second thread once I've finished dinner :)
Thanks everyone!

OP posts:
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