Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

Just seen your update.
Letter before claim referring to the Protocol for Debt claims (there's a standard letter for free online). Issue a small claim. Small claims judges are great and used to self represented parties. Photos of your wedding shoes and your text messages with her are fine. Make attendance notes of your calls with the pawn shop and also copies of email correspondence with the pawn shop where your CF friend signed to confirm they were hers.
Honestly, I'm so raging for you.

Yep. Send her a letter before action, retrieve the shoes and sue the CF. It's very easy - just Google MCOL. (And then come back and tell us how it's going. We will all celebrate when you have the shoes in your hand, and again when you have your money back.)

I thought small claims too (get the shoes back as a priority) - excellent advice JustMarriedBecca.

Can i ask how much they gave her for them compared to what they're selling them for?

I’d just drop a link to this thread into your group chat then when people are like.. wow that’s a cheeky situation just casually say yeah it’s X

I asked them to tell me this and they wouldn't tell me. Guessing GDPR even though they went her effing shoes!!!

YANBU she's a CF. I'd make sure she buys them back, quickly. The sob story is irrelevant. She shouldn't have sold your property, she knew exactly what she was doing. She knew the shoes were valuable enough to pawn, so she knew you hadnt just given them away. It's a valuable life lesson for both of you!
This is why I tend not to lend or borrow.

Best thing to do for speed in saving them is buy them and then settle all this afterwards officially.

Great advice to save and gather all evidence they are yours. Photos of you in them, ALLmessages between you and 'friend' pertaining to this including your one loaning them for the time being. (V. important) plus ongoing messages between you and pawn shop.

Has she not told you what she got for them?

exactly what I was going to write.

I hope there's a legal way to force her to go with the payment plan, otherwise maybe you'll have to taker her to court? I'd ask on the legal board for advice.

I would be livid too, OP, but I would definitely buy the shoes myself to ensure I got them back. If you leave it to quibble over money with her, someone else could buy them. You could take her to small claims afterwards but it doesn't sound like you'll get a penny from her. However, I think cutting her off and telling your friends what she's done will ultimately be more of a punishment, because she clearly relies on you so much.

1. Order the shoes now before they disappear.
2. Report to the police and get a crime ref.
3. Contact the pawn shop again (possibly wait until you get a dispatch notification) and inform them that the good are stolen with the crime ref. I suggested waiting as they may play silly beggars and refuse to release them to you.
4. If the police say they'll pay a visit to your friend, say nothing for now. If they don't/won't, send an email/letter before action, saying you've reported to the police and that you'll be starting the small claims action if £x is not returned to you within 7 days.
5. Put a message on the whatsapp group.

In that order. I really hope it all works out for you.

Do you drive OP?
I know you said it's miles away but i'd be in the car to go and get them where ever they are!

I have v bad luck re: things getting lost in the post, and i'd not trust fate not to twist and part me from my shoes forever!

I would be furious if a friend did this.

Buy them back, give her 6 months or small claims.

Tell all mutual friends, but include screenshot of messages otherwise she may frame you as the bad guy and claim there was good reason for her to think you were giving them to her.

No good deed. Urgh.

she is one CHEEKY cunt oh my god

They really do live amongst us

I think you buy them back so you have them and she either transfers you the money OR defends her case in small claims court. You can give her that option. I wouldn't fall for the can't eat thing. Not your circus.

I cannot get over the cheek of some people! I'd say buy the shoes back, threaten her with the letter on headed paper. Course it's going to cost you more than she got for them 🥲
I'd write it into the group chat, fuck her. Altho if she's as negative as you and at rock bottom say I'd be afraid of her turning herself into the victim or harming herself.

Report them as stolen to the police. Pictures of you wearing them and your correspondence with her will demonstrate ownership.
The police should then be able to advise if the pawn shop will be obliged to return them to you are they can't knowingly sell stolen goods.

If you don't feel able to report her to the police give her until say 4pm today to provide proof order of them with delivery to your address

I think, sadly, the only way to guarantee you’ll get them back is to buy them back yourself. You can then try and get the money back from her via a payment plan, although I wouldn’t hold my breath! I would report her to the police for theft as you have the messages between you as evidence.

Please don't leave them in the shop op, buy them back. The thought of them being sold whilst you wrangle with your arsehole friend is so upsetting!

can you give her a deadline by the end of the day to buy them back or you buy them back and take her to small claims with interest? Frame it she's paying for them either way but she has the cheaper/decent option she can take.

Then as absolutely everyone has said, cut her off after and never ever go back. She should be mortified

If she goes around treating other peoples property as her own no wonder she is so miserable. Think if the friendships she has lost over the years because of her behaviour

Oh and I’d definitely name and shame her to the friendship group.

She presumably has a pawn ticket or some record showing what she can reclaim them for, this may be less than their advertised sale price. Tell you friend she must tell you what she got for them and how to reclaim them or you will report them to the police as stolen. If she actually just sold, rather than pawned them, report to the police as stolen. Send the pawn shop the picture of you wearing them, the email to the person you lent them to and tell them you have reported them as stolen.

This. Don't wait on her to do it or you could lose them.