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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be raging angry over this

266 replies

zelper · 28/09/2023 21:14

Dp has a dd (teen) lives with mum

I have a dd (10) lives with us 100% of the time no involvement with dad. Dp is acting as stepdad until official.

We have a baby together.

The favourite discussion came up, dp said baby was his favourite, then my dd said so baby beats me? Dp said no youre third.

Dsd wasnt here.

Dp said as a "joke" but dd's face immediately had heartbreak on it. I just wanted to punch him but had to control my facial expressions and play it off as a joke for dd's sake.

I honestly feel so hurt for her, how completely unloved and unwanted must she feel?!!!!

OP posts:
FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 28/09/2023 21:21

Well your DP is clearly a fucking idiot, this is a conversation that should always be shut down with the answer I don't have favourites. This is a mantra I also use with the kids at work, why would you actually answer truthfully??

phewgal · 28/09/2023 21:22

Yeah that's not nice, reading that made me feel quite sad for your daughter.

Nothing good ever really comes from having conversations like this.

Mum198000 · 28/09/2023 21:22

Who talks about favourite children? Not a conversation anyone should ever have!

TulipsTulipTulips · 28/09/2023 21:23

Is he a twat or an idiot?

Rainbowx · 28/09/2023 21:24

Wow that's gonna stay with her for a long time what an idiot he is!!

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2023 21:24

Wow. What an absolute fucking moron. I would speak to him and ask that he please apologise to your daughter.

Dacadactyl · 28/09/2023 21:25

Nope that's not on. I'd be having serious words with him about this.

Notlaughingalot · 28/09/2023 21:25

The favourite discussion came up
Do you mean that you regularly have discussions on which child is the favourite? This is seriously wrong. Please don't compare your children. They are all different and they should know that they are all loved equally.

BranchGold · 28/09/2023 21:27

Im curious about how ‘the favourite child’ conversation came about. Is that something you think is normal? Who was he having the conversation with?

Original poster
zelper · 28/09/2023 21:28

@Notlaughingalot god no! I agree it's the worst possible subject & i dont have a favourite is always the go to or should be.

I think she brought it up just casually as we were bonding just us 3, which just adds to it.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 28/09/2023 21:29

So he’s actively decided to destroy his relationship with your dd and destroy her confidence too. So upsetting to read.

Choccybear20 · 28/09/2023 21:30

That’s really sad. I think that it’ll only get worse.

TeenLifeMum · 28/09/2023 21:31

My dc used to ask which was my favourite and I used to joke it changes but usually the one not whining. They would sometimes make me coffee in bed and announce they were my favourite for the day but it was always jokey and backed up with a “I love you all and everything that makes each of you you.”

CherryMaDeara · 28/09/2023 21:31

What a knobber.

All he had to say was he loves all 3 equally. He doesn’t actually have to feel that way.

YogiLou · 28/09/2023 21:33

Why would you even gave this conversation??
I feel so bad for your daughter
I hope she’s ok but suspect not
Maybe you need to start putting her first

ChocolateCinderToffee · 28/09/2023 21:35

She'll never forget that, you know. I never did.

YogiLou · 28/09/2023 21:36

Also
why are you still with your partner??

TLDRfuckers · 28/09/2023 21:36

Reading this made me sad. Your poor 10yo DD seeking approval from an inadequate man that’s not even her dad. And sounds like she doesn’t have her own dad for whatever reason that may be. Not a criticism but she clearly has this on her mind poor thing and now there’s a baby to compete with for affection.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 28/09/2023 21:37

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2023 21:24

Wow. What an absolute fucking moron. I would speak to him and ask that he please apologise to your daughter.

He can and he should, but sadly, he can never unsay it.

Euridicefortuna · 28/09/2023 21:37

Did you expect him to put your daughter over his two?I would expect him to love both his children over his step daughter but with the expectation that he wouldn't dare admit it. Why didn't you shut this down immediately, you knew this was a possibility?

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/09/2023 21:39

That was horrible to read. Truly upsetting.

What a nasty piece of shit your partner is. Deep seated malice, a hateful little power play, crushing your dd.

In my eyes it is unforgivable and I know you’ve just had a child with this prick but I would judge you for staying with him after that.

Original poster
zelper · 28/09/2023 21:40

@Euridicefortuna

There was no opportunity to stop it, it all happened so quickly! Believe me i would have if i could.

And no, the hope was that he would have enough common sense to answer the question in a way that protects her feelings?!

OP posts:
Janieforever · 28/09/2023 21:40

God who has that conversation. Who does that? What’s wrong with you all?

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/09/2023 21:41

It’s not the lack of common sense - it was pretty evil of him. He wielded that power over a child’s feelings and used it to worst effect.

Janieforever · 28/09/2023 21:41

The favourite discussion came up, dp said baby was his favourite, then my dd said so baby beats me? Dp said no youre third

That’s not a discussion. It’s not a thing. You wrote it like it was.