To be raging angry over this

[zelper]

Dp has a dd (teen) lives with mum

I have a dd (10) lives with us 100% of the time no involvement with dad. Dp is acting as stepdad until official.

We have a baby together.

The favourite discussion came up, dp said baby was his favourite, then my dd said so baby beats me? Dp said no youre third.

Dsd wasnt here.

Dp said as a "joke" but dd's face immediately had heartbreak on it. I just wanted to punch him but had to control my facial expressions and play it off as a joke for dd's sake.

I honestly feel so hurt for her, how completely unloved and unwanted must she feel?!!!!

Your partner is a bit of a cunt isn't he.

Er, no she’s not @zelper She’s right. No functional loving family has the ‘favourite conversation’ - it truly isn’t a ‘thing’.

Saddling your DC with your shit choice of partner. Poor thing.

I don't understand how this has backfired.

Read the title. Im angry at him. Aka i dont agree with it.

I also do not allow the favourite conversation, however he done it before i could say anything!!!

My kids always joke about who is the favourite. Note: joke!!

i usually say it’s the one who hasn’t left their shoes in the hall to be tripped over or the one who hasn’t left wet towels on the carpet. Sometimes it’s the one who offered me tea. And I always have a favourite (only) daughter, a favourite eldest son and a favourite youngest son but I make it very clear that my favourite child is the dog and they’re all quite happy with that.

Your poor dd. What an atrocious thing for him to say. He sounds emotionally immature.

@zelper I think your anger @Janieforever is entirely misplaced. Perhaps spend some time looking inward.

My husband always says 'I don't have any favourites, I dislike you all that same' 🤣🤣

He clearly didn't handle it tactfully, but not sure his older daughter would have been too happy if he had told your daughter she was an equal favourite.

What a thoroughly grim set up for your poor DD.
That will stay with her for years, if not forever.
Ever considered making things ‘official’ prior to having another child?!

Was it not just a badly judged and ill-thought through joke? As long as he apologises and doesn't have a history of treating her differently then I would drop it. Can't believe all the posters calling him evil and saying you should leave him. Has nobody else ever said something daft in the moment?

Really I wouldn't be surprised if his own kids are his favourites, just like I suspect most stepparents prefer their own biological children. The OP probably favours her own children over her step kid. He's just a fucking idiot for saying it.

So what did you say to him after he said that?

What did he say to make her feel loved and whole again? And what did you say to her?

what has been done to try to repair the damage?

This

There was nothing stopping you from jumping in and halting that conversation. He’s a dickhead but you’ve really not helped

Obviously his own dcs will be his favourites, but he shouldn’t say it openly in conversation. You better hope your dsc doesn’t find out about the conversation too, or there will be more drama when she finds out she’s second place….

Yeah, I'd be raging angry too. And he'd get both barrels when dd wasn't around. I'd let him know exactly what a cruel cunt he was and that if he didn't do/say something to ensure dd was reassured he loves her, then I'd be reconsidering the relationship entirely.

I get there are jokes in families where they are understood to be jokes, such as favourite child jokes. But when it comes to blended families like this, you just don't do those kinds of 'jokes'. Especially not to the stepchild.

Poor girl. He's got a lot of making up to do.

he better apologise and tell her that he was joking around, and that he doesn't really have favourites , I would struggle to be around someone that would make my dd feel like that
and children really do remember that stuff forever

I remember when my dad had a guest round and introduced me as his adopted daughter, it really hurt my feelings , he could have just said daughter
I went upstairs and cried

I would kick the fucker out if he said this to my daughter.

Yes I think it may sound like an overstatement but he behaved in a psychopathic way. Zero empathy and actually a sort of pleasure in crushing someone’s feelings - the feelings of a child.

He should say, dsd I am such an idiot, I was only joking about favourites but I should have known it wasn’t funny at all. I’m so sorry I hurt your feelings, I didn’t mean to. I love you all and we’re a family, all together. How can I help you to forgive me?

So what did he say when you told him what a moron he is?

My youngest always asks me whose my favourite I tell him none of you because your all noisy demons 😂 if he presses me I tell him they all are.....when they are sleeping

You never EVER answer the question seriously I thought everyone knew this?

It's hard now to distinguish MN from Nethuns in terms of (lack of) intelligence.

OP, the only obvious answer to the "who's your favourite" conversation is "you are my favourite 10 yr old" or "you are my favourite girl", or "you are my favourite stepdaughter", or "you are my favourite boy called Sam". Anyone who doesn't know this is a bellend.

Why do people inflict said bellends on their children? Are they so desperate for a shag/a "partner" that they put that ahead of their existing children's needs? Clearly so.

What do you need him to do now? And will he listen and do it?

Your poor daughter OP. She was obviously seeking some validation and he said that…
He sounds mean and insensitive.
Those sort of things stay with children and cut deep.
I’d be ending it, I couldn’t love a man like that.