AIBU to employ a housekeeper? Would you judge me as lazy?

[LabradorLoveSausages]

According to village gossip, which was not supposed to get back to me (and I wish it hadn't), this makes me entitled and lazy, and all I need now is an arse-wiper.

We employ a housekeeper for 6 hours a day, 3 days a week. So, lots of help, but not exactly staff on tap. She is well paid, gets pension and sickness benefits and works around her kids' school hours (with holiday clubs as needed.) She is an absolute godsend, I think pretty happy in her role, and I feel having her allows family life to be calm, ordered, and sometimes even fun (although I still feel we never stop.) She does all the laundry and cleaning, as well as other 'as needed' jobs like washing sofa covers etc.

I work full time (except 3 school pick ups at 3.45, as DS is too anxious for the bus), running a small practice in a professional role. DH manages a large team in the City and is very involved at home, when he is here. We have a large (ish- more a chaotic cottage than a manor) house outside London. DD15 is very independent, except the usual support with school work and hobbies (one interest, in which she has good very ability, takes up most of Saturday in London during term time). DS11 has additional needs and needs quite a bit of support to manage his organisation, possessions, homework, appointments, emotions, medication, anxiety, eating, bedtimes and Lego collection. He's a great boy, but that support takes up a lot of time and emotional energy. We collapse into bed at 10.30 every night hardly having had a moment to ourselves, between meeting the needs of clients and the kids.

I am possibly taking a malicious comment to heart, but how can that possibly be considered a 'lazy' life, even though we have help?

YABU

You should be on your knees doing everything yourself, have no down or leisure time and be in the verge of a breakdown & burn out.

Very jealous, wish we had the fund for a cleaner let alone a housekeeper!

Oi, get off my fantasy! I was gloomy once more this morning at not winning euromillions – I’d already found the house, just needed the housekeeper, gardener, PA, nanny and cook.

OP, if they’re going to bitch about you being lady of the manor with your housekeeper and your airs, lean into it. Take a day off work to be seen drinking coffee in your chemise while issuing orders – this sort of thing. Take a taxi into the village with your housekeeper and go shopping – have her handle the basket and the money. (Obviously she’s in on the joke.) Speak loudly into your phone next time you’re near the village gossips: “Mabel, be a dear and start drawing my bath, would you? And I rather think new sheets on the bed tonight – are we absolutely sure they were pressed? Let’s be a dear and make sure.”

Well done you managing your time money and energy to maximum benefit and prioritising quality family life over mundane chores.
Everyone else is jealous.
You've bossed it. I do similar and fuck the naasayers ignore any snide comments

I’m glad you have had so many supportive responses OP. It’s no one’s business but your own how you spend your own money but that doesn’t stop people being petty and spiteful.

When my youngest started school rather than make his nanny redundant or reduce her hours, we asked her if she would like to convert to nanny housekeeper on the same hours. We had this arrangement for 5 years and it was great - she did all the things you’ve described and would also ensure that my clothes were taken to dry cleaners and collected, DH always had an ironed shirt for work and we never had to wait in for a plumber, etc. She also cooked the evening meal for us all.

When DS no longer needed a nanny, we switched to having a cleaner twice a week. I also contract out gardening and car valeting to an external company and have a personal trainer who comes once a week. I don’t publicise this widely because I know that this would attract gossip and jealousy and be seen to be “showing off” but I work long hours in a well paid role and how I choose to spend my limited free time is up to me. I’m not forcing people into servitude but am giving 2 self employed people a regular weekly contract, and with the gardener and car care am helping support local companies so contributing to the local economy. And quite frankly it’s no one else’s business!

We have no animals and I have no idea where our iron is at the moment!

We have a cleaner and otherwise, all we do is cook, laundry and the odd bit of gardening. It's maybe 8-12 hours a week? But I wouldn't want to outsource the cooking, I prefer to do that myself so I don't think I would have anything like 18 hours for a housekeeper to do.

Also the OP's DD is 15 so able to do some chores.

If it works for the OP, that's all that matters but I am surprised that there is 18 hours of stuff to do.

This!

OP- you hire someone school hours 3 days a week. If you worked part time. 2-3 days a week, no one would question if you said your days off in the week were filled with sorting housework and family admin and doing the food shop etc. Effectively you’ve contracted that out.

But yes as PP have said, I’d look carefully at the person who passed this gossip on to you. Did they want you to be wary of the person who said it, or are they trying to undermine you.

I bet all these gossipy villagers have cleaners though, don't they? They are just irritated that you have been proactive and taken that help a bit further. I would love a housekeeper. I confess to playing "fantasy housekeeper", where I think about what I would ask them to do each day!

TBH I think a fair number of people would be surprised about that too with children who are secondary age. I expect that the village gossips don't fully understand the extent of your son's needs.

The people I know who work part time with school age children are fairly open about it not being all about housework but also about fitting in exercise, having some time to themselves

@arintingly

"We have a cleaner and otherwise, all we do is cook, laundry and the odd bit of gardening. It's maybe 8-12 hours a week? But I wouldn't want to outsource the cooking, I prefer to do that myself so I don't think I would have anything like 18 hours for a housekeeper to do.

Also the OP's DD is 15 so able to do some chores.

If it works for the OP, that's all that matters but I am surprised that there is 18 hours of stuff to do"

Very easy to get to 18 hours. Windows inside and out. Depends how often you expect them to be cleaned. Fridge cleaned. Freezer defrosted. More ironing like sheets and things maybe you don't normally iron but are lovely to have. Books removed from shelves and dusted. Top of cupboards and doors. Wipe baseboards. Clean inside drawers and cupboards. Expiry dates for pantry food. Wash curtains and cushion/ sofa cupboards, clean carpets, oven, dishwasher. Veg prep. Batch cooking. Plus all
Sorts of errands outside the house.

So much more that can be done that just makes for an easier, cleaner, more pleasing life.

We had a live in housekeeper, who hen moved to two hours 5 days a week when DS was older. Retired now with a cleaner 6 hours a week and occasionally she does extra cleaning I cover off things like windows inside and out. Flyscreens washing. Wash down outside furniture launder cushions and throws.

OP don't listen. It's their problem. They are just jealous. You do what works for you. It's sounds like your housekeeper is an absolute gem. You treat her properly and lawfully in return she works well for your lifestyle and family.

Yep, jealousy, I expect of your actual housekeeper and that you have the finances to facilitate it. Sounds like a brilliant way to organise your lives.

@Isthiscorrect I think I just have much lower standards 😂as most of that is just not important to me

I am also a control freak about food - I would always want to do my own cooking

Ask the village Facebook page where you can employ said arse-wiper.

I find all my jobs on care com. There's agencies who will vet for you but that's basically references, proof of ID and a DBS and you pay a finder's fee. Greycoate Lumley is one of the better known ones.

I'm a Housekeeper. It's nice to know that you describe me as an Arse Wiper.

Ignore. Lots of dim, envious people out there.

@omgsally did you read the original post?

Which one? Yours or the OPs very first post? I don't think anyone so far has said that they want to find the services or have the services of an arse wiper.

@omgsally the very first paragraph on the OP's first post.

Omg OP what a great idea. Sounds like heaven.

Good Luck to you. And seriously fek off to the gossips.

They are soooooooo jealous! 🤣👌🏼

Jealous.
You're generating employment as well as making your busy life more enjoyable- win all round. Ignore.

@LabradorLoveSausages

Wow OP. I really really wish I'd had someone like your housekeeper when I was working very very busy jobs in the past and even now, would love someone like her helping me. I've retired but, due to some family issues, wish I had someone like this to lessen my burden, adding someone to do some of my admin and project management too!

Those who are being negative about your arrangements are small minded people who I don't think you need to spend any mental energy on. Employing someone gives a lovely person a good job which works for her and works very well for your family. Everything else is noise. 🌹

F*ck em. If it works for you do it. They’re stuck in the olden days where you had to be Margot to have a housekeeper. I realise there may not be many here who get that reference.

We had a cleaner until recently and one of my ‘friends’ loved to tell everyone how posh I was, and how I considered myself better. She didn’t like it when I asked if actually it was more a case of her considering herself ‘lower’ than me for not having a job and therefore not needing one.

It’s a twee phrase but ‘you do you’.

I also love that you included the Lego collection. That stuff takes serious time (no sarcasm intended).

Sounds great! Ignore jealous gossips