Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband should help pay for my car?

298 replies

strawberryscones · 28/09/2023 09:50

I drive, my husband does not and never learned to drive as no interest. I have a car which I bought myself 8 years ago. I work from home these days so I don't use the car for work, but we live quite rurally so the car is needed to get about at weekends, food shopping etc. I don't use it much for solo drives these days.

I have always paid for the insurance, service, MOT, repairs etc. this seemed fair enough when I was using the car for work, but now i use the car for mainly joint 'leisure' activities, I feel this is unfair. Husband also works from home, with maybe 1 trip every two months to the office, so he doesn't have the travel costs he used to.

I said the next time the insurance, service etc is due, I believe the joint account should be used to cover it. He went ballistic, and said it's my car so I should pay for it. He said if it was jointly paid for, he would expect me to basically be his taxi driver and provide lifts whenever he wants, wherever he wants. I said I can't do that as I have a job etc, and it's my time as well as the car.

He then said ok, get rid of the car then. But I think it would be difficult with where we live to do so.

AIBU to expect the car to be a joint expect, even if he doesn't drive it?

I should also add he earns £80k whereas I am on under £30k. He puts slightly more in the joint account than I do, but even after that he still has £2k more than I do in disposable 'fun' money every month.

OP posts:
ASCCM · 28/09/2023 09:51

Does he pay you everytime you drive him somewhere?

Spirallingdownwards · 28/09/2023 09:52

He's a twat.

I would start charging him fares. I would charge him half a fare when you do any chore that is joint eg. food shopping.

I would also point out that contributions for the household should be on a 80/30 ratio split.

Quartz2208 · 28/09/2023 09:52

You are in a massively unfair financial situation

2chocolateoranges · 28/09/2023 09:53

He’s being a dick. Of course the family car should come out of family money.

we have two cars both are paid for with family money. We both use both cars whether it’s to get to work or leisure,

survivalmodemum · 28/09/2023 09:54

He benefits from your car, he should be contributing to it.

AnotherCountryMummy · 28/09/2023 09:54

He earns more than double you and only puts slightly more into the joint account. He expects you to not only be the driver but also pay for transport for shared activities. And he went ballistic?

He sounds like an absolute twat and potentially financially abusive.

You are not being unreasonable!

Velvian · 28/09/2023 09:54

Time to get really petty and not allow him to come along on weekend trips, he can meet you there in a taxi. Don't buy any food for him at the supermarket.

Highlighta · 28/09/2023 09:54

I cannot understand how someone can live rurally and have no interest to drive.

But aside from that, going forward you are now the new Uber driver. Charge per trip.

How does he get about when you are not there to drive him?

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 28/09/2023 09:55

Play with the figures a bit and work out if you'll be better off divorced. You'll get half of everything accumulated whilst you've been married.

TibetanTerrah · 28/09/2023 09:56

You need to check Uber prices before every journey and tell him the 'fare' each time.

It'll soon mount up Wink

AnotherCountryMummy · 28/09/2023 09:56

Velvian · 28/09/2023 09:54

Time to get really petty and not allow him to come along on weekend trips, he can meet you there in a taxi. Don't buy any food for him at the supermarket.

Agreed. And also show him this thread! I'm really enraged on your behalf.

LittleOwl153 · 28/09/2023 09:56

Oh dear he's one of those...

You don't mention kids - hopefully you don't have kids with him as I'd assume they would be your financial responsibility too - after all if you looked after them then you wouldn't need to pay childcare etc.

Tbh I'd get rid. He is financially abusing you and going 'ballistic' doesn't sound healthy either! And I can't be doing with a miser...

Scarydinosaurs · 28/09/2023 09:56

This is ridiculous! Can you keep a record over a month of when the car is used and what for and then present him with it?

if you were to get rid of it, how does he propose you would do the food shopping etc?

I would be equally enraged. It sounds completely one sided and in his favour.

Booksbooksbooksandmorebooks · 28/09/2023 09:56

Well I wouldn't letting him in the car. How will he get about?

BuffaloCauliflower · 28/09/2023 09:57

He’s an arsehole. Transport is a family cost. And why is he only putting slightly more into the joint account when he’s bringing in what, 2/3rds of the monthly income? He should be paying 2/3rds of the joint costs.

Gerrataere · 28/09/2023 09:59

I was in a similar situation with my ex. I didn’t actually expect him to pay for my insurance/tax/monthly costs but it did infuriate me that he never offered to pay towards petrol. Trips, holidays, work runs, not a penny. As I was the one who drove, naturally I did 99% of the food shopping, so of course he never paid for that either. Even though we’ve split he still comes on family days out with us, I will go to a petrol station before we head out (for the trip I’ve paid for) and not even half arse a ‘oh let me pop in and pay for it’. So I just tell him these days ‘if you’re coming you’re paying towards, or just stay home up to you’.

SunRainStorm · 28/09/2023 09:59

sounds like a financially abusive twat.

Do you have children? Can you leave him?

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 28/09/2023 10:02

I don't drive, my DH does. We bought our car on finance which we both paid; the direct debit for the insurance is paid out of our joint bills account, and we split the cost of MOT and repairs between us. He does tend to pay for petrol as he uses the car to travel to work, but I'll pay to fill up on the rare occasions he does drive me somewhere.
I can't believe your DH would think the car isn't a joint expense, he gets the benefit of it so should share the financial burden, surely?

Freezingcoldinseptember · 28/09/2023 10:02

Use your car to get your own shopping.. He can get his delivered or go by bus..

BoxOfCats · 28/09/2023 10:04

You have much bigger problems than the car. What a selfish controlling asshole.

CherryBlossom321 · 28/09/2023 10:05

He’s being ridiculous. By his own logic, you could equally say that if he’s not contributing to the running costs of the vehicle then he can’t be transported anywhere in it.

I don’t drive; I failed three tests in my youth and circumstances have prevented me from trying again.

However my husband is happy to take me places when he’s available to do so, and we both pay for every motoring related expense from our joint account. If he’s working I take the bus. I can’t imagine not contributing to something I’m regularly taking personal benefit from.

AnSolas · 28/09/2023 10:08

If he is not willing to pay for the car which brings the food to his house he needs to contribute to the costs associated with its arrival at the doorstep.

I am guessing that as he is not driving you are spending time doing the running around needed to keep the household ticking along too.

DappledThings · 28/09/2023 10:10

I couldn't drive when we bought our first car. It was still "our" car. All expenses for it covered from joint account. We have two now, neither are his or mine. They are just ours and again, covered entirely from the joint account same as food, council tax, mortgage and all expenses.

Makes no sense for it to be any other way.

LadySybilRamekin · 28/09/2023 10:10

You could park the car for a month and use taxis instead (paid for out of the joint account of course) - see how he likes that.

RedbrickOrNoBrick · 28/09/2023 10:11

Am also married to a non driver and one of the first things we did was pool car expenses . It's the family car, does all the shopping and holidays etc. Actually we now pool all money... much simpler when kids around and saves all this faffing.