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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband should help pay for my car?

298 replies

strawberryscones · 28/09/2023 09:50

I drive, my husband does not and never learned to drive as no interest. I have a car which I bought myself 8 years ago. I work from home these days so I don't use the car for work, but we live quite rurally so the car is needed to get about at weekends, food shopping etc. I don't use it much for solo drives these days.

I have always paid for the insurance, service, MOT, repairs etc. this seemed fair enough when I was using the car for work, but now i use the car for mainly joint 'leisure' activities, I feel this is unfair. Husband also works from home, with maybe 1 trip every two months to the office, so he doesn't have the travel costs he used to.

I said the next time the insurance, service etc is due, I believe the joint account should be used to cover it. He went ballistic, and said it's my car so I should pay for it. He said if it was jointly paid for, he would expect me to basically be his taxi driver and provide lifts whenever he wants, wherever he wants. I said I can't do that as I have a job etc, and it's my time as well as the car.

He then said ok, get rid of the car then. But I think it would be difficult with where we live to do so.

AIBU to expect the car to be a joint expect, even if he doesn't drive it?

I should also add he earns £80k whereas I am on under £30k. He puts slightly more in the joint account than I do, but even after that he still has £2k more than I do in disposable 'fun' money every month.

OP posts:
Ilovenyfan · 28/09/2023 10:11

Yeh, this marriage is doomed sorry. There’s a lot more issues than just the car. He’s a cheeky arsehole (not to mention I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t drive- especially if living rurally, how unattractive)

Show him this thread and he can see what an arse he’s being.

dancingorange · 28/09/2023 10:20

Simple, he finds his own way to his activities until he realises the car is joint.

PurBal · 28/09/2023 10:21

I’m usually fairly polite but he’s being a c*nt. it’s bad enough you don’t share the cost. It’s even worse that he earns almost 3x what you do and is expecting you to pay for a joint expense.

pinkyredrose · 28/09/2023 10:24

He's a twat. Wtf is he doing with his wage?

Tomatoketchupred · 28/09/2023 10:24

What. A. Cunt.

wildwestpioneer · 28/09/2023 10:27

Of course the car and expenses should come out of the joint account.

Every time you use the car, for lifts or grocery shopping etc charge him 42p per mile. That's industry standard to cover depreciation, tax, insurance, wear and tear etc.

fearfuloffluff · 28/09/2023 10:29

That's bonkers. I'm betting there are lots of other petty stupidities he has around housework, savings etc.

If you were thinking of starting a family with this man - this is not a good set up for one, I'd think twice.

Why would paying for half a car entitle him to chauffeur services?

randomrandom · 28/09/2023 10:30

Spirallingdownwards · 28/09/2023 09:52

He's a twat.

I would start charging him fares. I would charge him half a fare when you do any chore that is joint eg. food shopping.

I would also point out that contributions for the household should be on a 80/30 ratio split.

This

Ketty72 · 28/09/2023 10:31

He went 'ballistic' - how incredibly immature of him.
This sounds like financial abuse OP. Of course, he should be paying towards a car that benefits you all.

Thinkbiglittleone · 28/09/2023 10:34

He is your husband, if he can help you with anything he should want to help you.

gotomomo · 28/09/2023 10:35

Another person who didn't realise the "for richer for poorer" bit of marriage vows applies always!

BMW6 · 28/09/2023 10:35

I really don't understand why people keep finances separate when they are married.

Your income in joint, whoever earns it. Your expenses are joint, whoever spends it.

That's rather the whole point of a marriage - two people become one family unit.

If he continues to insist that you cover all car expenses by yourself them charge him the going rate for a taxi if you drive him anywhere.

It cuts both ways.

Notsleepingpeacefully · 28/09/2023 10:40

OP he should be paying towards it - and on his salary it sounds particularly tight of him to not be doing so!! He benefits from the car - I think I’d work out the cost of taxis on a general basis and say that if you get rid of the car it will cost £x and that this would be coming from the joint account.

But this does also remind me of the CF suggestion of my MIL that I give my new car that I get car allowance for to DP for him to drive, and that I drive his old knackered car!

Mrsttcno1 · 28/09/2023 10:41

Totally agree with other posters, ridiculous really. If he’s going to argue that it’s YOUR car, then start charging him a % for every trip you take as a family, every time you use it to go to the shops etc. Or, send him off on the bus or on foot to get the shopping, start taking it in turns and on your week you can take the car and do the shop, on his week he can walk or get the bus and then get a weekly shop back home that way. And keep doing that. If he doesn’t want to pay for it, he doesn’t get the benefit of it! If you’re both going somewhere and he won’t pay, then okay, you meet him there, you drive and he can make his own way. He’d have to pay for public transport so why shouldn’t he have to pay for you to transport him? Once he realises how much more convenient it is, he’ll sharp change his tune.

I presume you meant it would come out of the joint account and you would both put more money into that account to cover it, rather than him paying for it in full?

The only exception I would say is if he had his own public transport costs to pay for which sort of matched your monthly costs for your car. Earlier in my relationship I had a car but DH didn’t although he had his license, I was driving to and from work whereas he was paying for bus/train to work/gym/shops if I was busy. Because of this we didn’t split the costs of running the car because he was paying roughly the same per month on his travel as I was on car insurance, but even then if we were going somewhere together he would always offer to give me money towards petrol etc so there was still always some contribution.

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 28/09/2023 10:42

I don’t drive (a health related thing) and of course I pay towards all motoring costs! DH works from home, with occasional week long secondments around the UK, so it’s mainly used for family stuff.

He has a salary package broadly equivalent to both of yours, mine is throttled due to being a carer, and I still put my hand in my pocket to pay for running costs etc. I benefit from his ability to drive, therefore I help pay for the car!

We’re married, so we’re a team.

GingerIsBest · 28/09/2023 10:42

I wish I could figure out what happened to our society that this level of financial abuse is so completely normalised in marriages.

WTAF OP.

He pays "slightly" higher into the joint, even though he earns almost 3x what you do. The car is used mostly for family-related needs such as shopping etc but he will not pay it. He has gone ballistic?

I hate him and I don't even know him. And I am sorry that you, and so many other women, are in this sort of horrible relationship.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 28/09/2023 10:57

Between the separate money, huge difference in personal monthly spends and not driving, I don't know how you live like this. I put my foot down with dp when we got together, learn to drive or leave.

loopylou3030 · 28/09/2023 10:59

Nothing helpful to add. I just cannot believe in a marriage people actually live like this, it honestly blows my mind. Good luck.

Ladyj84 · 28/09/2023 11:00

Never will understand these situations we are married all goes into one account, the bill money is transferred to another so it doesn't get spent for the direct debits and the rest is family money for cars,holidays,shopping no debates or this is hers that's his in our family

MoonShinesBright · 28/09/2023 11:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Couldyounot · 28/09/2023 11:05

So he's too dainty to learn to drive and expects you to fund a form of transport that ultimately benefits him substantially? What a prince among men!

Fallingthroughclouds · 28/09/2023 11:06

He earns 80k, you drive him around, he went ballistic.....

Next time he asks, tell him to get a fucking taxi!

nutellacrepe · 28/09/2023 11:13

Our car expenses are all joint, even though I use it more than DH. His bus pass is also from joint money. We both need to travel for work/ life/ whatever reason - travel is a joint expense.

All bills and practical stuff come from joint money. It doesn't matter that he earns more - money is pooled because we are married and a team. We each have an (equal) allowance each month for frivolous/ personal expenses, regardless of what we contribute to the joint pot.

Why get married if you are not even going to share resources? It seems like a very separatist way to be in a 'partnership' - it doesn't seem like you're working together at all.

fruitbrewhaha · 28/09/2023 11:16

Oh fuck. How have you ended up with him?

I’d take that car and drive somewhere a long way away.

caringcarer · 28/09/2023 11:16

I'd never let him get in the car again if it was me. Make him get Ubers or taxis every time he wants to go somewhere even if you are driving there anyway. Only buy enough food shopping for yourself and any DC tell him to shop for himself. How can you put up with this level of financial abuse?