To think my husband should help pay for my car?

[strawberryscones]

I drive, my husband does not and never learned to drive as no interest. I have a car which I bought myself 8 years ago. I work from home these days so I don't use the car for work, but we live quite rurally so the car is needed to get about at weekends, food shopping etc. I don't use it much for solo drives these days.

I have always paid for the insurance, service, MOT, repairs etc. this seemed fair enough when I was using the car for work, but now i use the car for mainly joint 'leisure' activities, I feel this is unfair. Husband also works from home, with maybe 1 trip every two months to the office, so he doesn't have the travel costs he used to.

I said the next time the insurance, service etc is due, I believe the joint account should be used to cover it. He went ballistic, and said it's my car so I should pay for it. He said if it was jointly paid for, he would expect me to basically be his taxi driver and provide lifts whenever he wants, wherever he wants. I said I can't do that as I have a job etc, and it's my time as well as the car.

He then said ok, get rid of the car then. But I think it would be difficult with where we live to do so.

AIBU to expect the car to be a joint expect, even if he doesn't drive it?

I should also add he earns £80k whereas I am on under £30k. He puts slightly more in the joint account than I do, but even after that he still has £2k more than I do in disposable 'fun' money every month.

If someone can’t drive, I don’t view them as being responsible for the car.
When I was an adult living at home with parents before I could drive, they’d never have expected me to pay towards their cars.
I couldn’t use them myself because I couldn’t drive and so they were completely inaccessible to me unless it was convenient for the owners/ drivers. Not everyone agrees of course but that’s fine.
Me and dh have always had our own cars, I don’t know how families living rurally manage with only one.

Ok firstly, EW.

He sounds like an absolute ICK to be honest. Ew that he can’t drive (don’t @me about medical issues etc woke brigade) and EW EW EW nothing worse than a tight arse.

Next time you guys are going somewhere, say a movie, just say, ‘shouldn’t you have left already to make it there on time?’ And if he acts confused just say, ‘yeah it’s my car and I pay for everything solo so you weren’t expecting me to ferry you around for free when I earn almost 1/3 of what you do were you?’

It’s also a question of how much he values and appreciates you at this point, I couldn’t suffer 5 mins with a husband like this personally. Show him this post and all the responses

He sounds like an absolute ICK to be honest. Ew that he can’t drive (don’t @me about medical issues etc woke brigade) and EW EW EW nothing worse than a tight arse.

This comment is… bizarre. You don’t think medical reasons not to drive are valid? Or you are confusing wokeness with something else? Not driving is an off thing to have as an ‘ick’ in general - if you’re not a leech/passenger princeling (like the op’s husband) then why on earth is it an issue?

That just doesn't sound like a marriage to me - you're meant to share your life together... Like SHARE

What the hell. No. You need a car. As a couple. It’s a cost, like food and shelter. He’s absolutely off his rocker.

my husband and I sat down and agreed how much disposable we reasonably need. We keep that out of our pay and put the rest in the joint account. That way all this stuff is just paid for and we have a fair amount each to spend as we want.

He is awful and I’d look at your entire financial set up as he could be financially abusing you in more ways than just the car.

I can’t drive due to a disability (not allowed by DVLA) but not disabled in sense that I get a PIP motability car. So we buy our car and it is always a joint expense between DH and I.

Think it’s the first time I’ve said this on mumsnet but he’s a twat . Just start ordering supermarket deliveries. If he wants to go anywhere either refuse because you’re (too busy/bored of driving/have a sore ankle) and start getting a taxi everywhere unless it really suits you.

If he’s benefitting from it, he should be contributing to it! If he doesn’t want to, get your own shopping etc, and tell him
to get the bus to get his own!

I drive- hubby doesn't- medical reasons
The car is a joint expense- petrol, mot, insurance, servicing and the car payments are from the joint account... I drive him and the daughter places as necessary.... I would refuse point blank to pay for the car- I don't use it alone 100% of time... and on our house the cost of going to work is a joint expense from the joint account!!

I think this is one of the worst threads I have read on here! What an absolute twat!!!
my partner earns a lot more than I do and he covers maintenance and insurance on my car (he bought the car too)
i would be invoicing your twat at 65p per mile - and I would not be going out of my way to pick him up or take him anywhere that inconveniences you!
jesus - this is cheeky fuckery at the highest level .. with your partner 🤷🏼‍♀️

I meant * It’s your partner .. wtf? 🤷🏼‍♀️

All our money goes in to one account what's mine is his and what's his is mine and my hubby earns more than me. Seems like you need to be having a chat with him I think

He’s being a dick. We only have 1 car which my husband very rarely drives as he has a work van. All payments associated with the car (service/mot/petrol/valeting) all comes out
of our joint account as we use it for family trips and I do household related tasks in it (shopping, etc). My husband doesn’t have any expectations that he gets lifts all the time.

if you're married, everything ideally is/should be a joint expense.

He's being a completely unreasonable @$$#o!e.

This is bonkers, he should be pooling both his and your money and paying together for joint expenses such as this and having an equal amount of expendable money each month. My partner and I have a similar salary gap, except the other way around and our money goes into a joint account and is then split, we get an equal amount of spends and then have a joint savings account for the rest.

This is not at all fair on you, you’re married and meant to be in a partnership.

He sounds awful. To do a fair split of household expenses, his share (rounded) would be 73%.

And going ballistic when you raise the prospect of him paying a bit more towards a car which is used for joint activities when he is putting only slightly more in the joint account than you do

What is he, Scrooge McDuck?

I would find financial abuse much more unforgiveable than cheating. People tend to fall into cheating while your husband is absolutely and deliberately disadvantaging you financially. This would be the end for me in this relationship.

I would say ok I will get rid of the car. Then leave it with someone for a month. See how you go without it.

He sounds horrible. I couldn't live with a man like that.

80k and he's like that ??? Ughhh vile.

I would be petty as feck, no lifts for him whatsoever. Only buy groceries for yourself etc. If needs to go anywhere, he can pay for a taxi. Might work out a lot more than a fair share of the insurance and other costs associated with the car.

Time to get divorced. Fingers crossed you don;t have children.

While you reconsider your marriage op, no using the car for anything that benefits him. I’d be moving on tea and toast for a month or buying one piece of fish cooking and eating it. Make sure you have a busy active life planned -I’m just out for a drive, I’m off to see a friend, I’m going to a movie (him:can I come? You:sure, if you meet me there and split housework expenses 70/30, your free taxi service and having your lifestyle underwritten by your low earning wife has all ended)

Tell him to start using rural transport.

Arrogant c*nt!

Why did you not just pay from the joint account without making a big song and dance about it?

I would be burning up with resentment over this financial situation. I couldn’t continue in the relationship.