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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mums asking for money

497 replies

Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:23

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

OP posts:
Mulhollandmagoo · 27/09/2023 22:28

Yeah, this is odd, how will it work in terms of the child getting the money? Are they only collecting for one child a time? I imagine this volunteer is a busy ody who will either be telling the world and his wife who gave what and to whom, or she will be complaining like mad about how hard it is before long!

I would just reply 'I will pop cash in cards 😊' I bet you'll find a flurry of similar responses once one person breaks ranks

Hotcuppatea · 27/09/2023 22:28

Oh I wouldn't like that at all.

Are they saying that there has to be a group collection for every child's birthday in the class? Screw that.

Comedycook · 27/09/2023 22:28

This is odd...is it a school parent? I'd only give a gift or money jf there was a party my dc was invited to.

Original poster
Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:29

Thank you! I’m so glad I’m not the only one. Everyone and I mean everyone is replying saying “amazing idea” and love hearts. I’m so fed up of them already and I’ve known them 3 weeks! Reception is nothing like I pictured sadly.

OP posts:
Syndulla · 27/09/2023 22:30

"Thanks for offering to set this up, but we're just going to carry on buying individual gifts. DC like to choose for their friends."

Don't get involved OP, or it will just become ridiculous and you'll find yourself donating for a child who your child never plays with and didn't even get an invite to the party.

Hopelesslyn · 27/09/2023 22:30

Nope I’d just do a present and just say that , kids love opening presents at that age. Collections for teachers if they must buy for parties is just weird

Thementalloadisreal · 27/09/2023 22:31

No that’s weird. Kids like presents.

mummy21blueeyed · 27/09/2023 22:31

Jesus times are changing but this is one of the many things that shouldn’t change. I’m all for sticking money in a card or turning up with something little( I’m not at that stage yet but hey)! I absolutely wouldn’t be okay with this

TomatoSandwiches · 27/09/2023 22:31

I'd just ignore the twit and put a £5 note in a card for the child.

JustMarriedBecca · 27/09/2023 22:32

Someone mentioned to me it was common at their school. I don't like it. It creates a "who gives what" one upmanship. At my friend's school it's also a set amount. My point was about people who didn't want to spend £10 on a present for every child.

We do collections for teacher class gifts but it's not obligatory and the card is signed on behalf of the whole class no matter who gives what.

Original poster
Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:32

So the consensus on here seems to be its odd but why on the group is everyone loving it? I got so angry reading the chain of messages after a hard day.

OP posts:
Lighttodark · 27/09/2023 22:32

This is so weird. Why would you buy a bday present for every single child in the class?! Invitation to bday party = buy a gift for bday child. What if there are multiple bdays in a short space of time? How would the busy body manage that. That’s potentially 30 kids x £10 (what I usually spend on a gift) = ridiculous!!!!!

Witchpleas · 27/09/2023 22:34

At that age it's a big novelty for them to get to open presents, even cash would be lost on them. Virtual money would be absolutely meaningless! I've never heard of this and would find it very odd - YANBU to just say you're doing your own thing.

Ifallelsefailschocolate · 27/09/2023 22:34

Reply “Thanks for the suggestion. I prefer the tradition of giving presents for children’s birthdays and will bring a present “

Doingtheboxerbeat · 27/09/2023 22:36

Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:32

So the consensus on here seems to be its odd but why on the group is everyone loving it? I got so angry reading the chain of messages after a hard day.

It's gonna be the same kind of people who agree to split the bill equally in the restaurant after having a salad and a coke and those who are pressured into spending ££ on pointless secret Santa.

Witchpleas · 27/09/2023 22:36

Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:32

So the consensus on here seems to be its odd but why on the group is everyone loving it? I got so angry reading the chain of messages after a hard day.

Maybe it's the convenience? It's a pain having to go out and get a present for a kid you've never met. Or peer pressure. All very odd.

Original poster
Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:37

This is my 2nd child and if I’m being honest the few times I’ve received money for her birthday I’ve never spent it on her directly! It goes in my purse, or in this case it will stay in the bank and I don’t think I will be able to bring myself to buy presents with all that money that’s why I feel presents are important.

OP posts:
Thisismeyeah · 27/09/2023 22:38

So the consensus on here seems to be its odd but why on the group is everyone loving it? I got so angry reading the chain of messages after a hard day.

You are 3 weeks in, no one will want to rock the boat, id just ignore it and do your own thing.

Collections for teachers, I'd jump on that, but kids...no chance

GU24Mum · 27/09/2023 22:38

Probably because once the first two say they like the idea, most people feel they can't say anything else.

I'm working on saying no without saying no eg: "thanks for the suggestion. Don't worry about including us as we'll sort something ourselves".

PuttingTheGreen · 27/09/2023 22:41

I don't understand all this present buying.
I've never bought a present for my kids classmates unless they're invited to a birthday party.
I've never bought anything for a teacher, nor put in a collection either.
Just say thanks but no thanks.

Yellownotblue · 27/09/2023 22:42

I’ve noticed that on other school WhatsApp groups - someone suggests something bonkers, and you instantly get 15 replies saluting it as a stroke of genius. Ip

Just say something along the lines suggested above. I bet lots of parents will agree with you but are too scared of being seen as the weird loner.

It’s perfectly possible to disagree in a non confrontational way. So those who want to embrace the new system can do so, and anyone else sticks to their own personal preferences.

TheaBrandt · 27/09/2023 22:42

Just weird and joyless - great idea for teachers etc but little kids like opening presents from their friends

Thisismeyeah · 27/09/2023 22:43

Thank you, thats really kind to offer but we will sort out our own present this time around.

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 27/09/2023 22:44

What happens if your not invited to the party? Or do you pay regardless

Original poster
Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:46

so far it seems like all the kids are having an invite. We’ve been invited to 6 parties already (not happened yet but dates in the future like one this weekend the first one then a a few more).

OP posts: