School mums asking for money

[Nesquik1]

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

I think the good idea and heart emoji are ppl like you, but they don't won't to rock the boat.
I'd play up technophobe angle and just say'oh 'hubby' or partner has to do all the online banking malarkey cz i just dont get it.
I'll just pop it in a card for the little one to open, do they like dinos? ' or other card related imagery to basically close the money subject, and start a new convo.

I find it ridiculous parents spend a fortune inviting the whole class. When most kids only want a few friends there. They either tolerate or hate a lot of the kids in class, by 6th birthday they wouldn't invite more than 8 out of 30.

Just say sorry I am not opting in to this and prefer to make my own arrangementdls. Cf

Would you seriously tell all the parents of your kid's schoolmates that you don't understand online banking and your 'hubby' has to do it? How mortifying!

Normally, God no. But this bunch of ppl...maybe! What's worse- going along and the ultimate backhanded gossip from the volunteer, standing your ground and inviting some kind of conflict( which again how intense they seem, would be likely) or them thinking your an idiot but you get to escape every dumb thing they want to do without having to deal with any drama? But that's just me.

Also a surprising number of people don't do online banking, but I don't know if that has to do with them not understanding it or just not liking it.

@Nesquik1

I don’t get it? So is it £10 per child? Does that my mean 30 children = £300. And then when it’s your child’s birthday in June you just get back the £300??? If so, that’s just silly! I would say that your DC loves picking out a present and wrapping it for a friend and you’ll do it that way…

I’d even be worried some kind of fraud might be going on and this mum be skimming money off the top, if only she has oversight of all the payments! But I would not want to say that in the group.

Why has she taken this on? Is she going to buy a big gift or give all the cash?

I've been so skint before I've given a homemade card and a big bag of sweets or colouring book my own dc hasn't used and bought a pack of felt tips to go with it.

I'd feel shit being singled out on a group as being the odd one out and not putting money into her account.

My year one dc doesn't really know what his friends like, so I put £5 in a card now I can afford it a bit more.
My 11 year old has chosen his best friends now so they get a tenner and favourite sweets, and when it's my sons bday, we'll take them to the cinema or bowling ect.

when is the party and will you get to see what the kid gets? Please update if you do!

I've heard of this before and actually thought it was a good idea. at that age they tend to have whole class parties before they work out who their group of friends will be. the ones I've heard about everyone gave a fiver, so less than they would otherwise have to spend if buying a present, and with everyone's money a good present was bought 'from all the class' for £150 rather than 30 rubbish presents which wouldn't necessarily be liked and create lots of waste. Presumably the kids parents were asked what they would like.

This is why I think it’s really bitchy, as well as being weird as heck and sounding super dodgy! It’s literally none of this weirdo woman’s business how much other parents want to give (or not) for another child’s birthday. NONE of her business. Why on earth is she doing this? I’d be giving her a really wide berth. It’s absolutely not acceptable for other parents to feel like they now have to take part in this weird scheme. I’d be really pissed off at having to contribute to everyone’s birthday in the class, there is no way all the children will get equal money anyway.

So what happens if parents can’t afford to throw a party for their child? Do they not get anything? I’d still rather save the money and spend it on my own children vs being pressured into buying other children stuff. Again we only do gifts if attending parties and so this would probably still put us out of pocket.

I just thought that. Not every kid has a whole class party, either at home or in a village hall. Do they just not get acknowledged?

I've always told my kids they can have a trip out (safari park, day trip ect), or a party. This woman's horrible!

Edited for grammar

Super weird. Also, kids buying and choosing presents for friends is a real lesson in empathy- what does ‘Johnny’ like as opposed to buying what they would want. My daughter grasped this way before my son. Also teaches them if they’re invited somewhere it’s nice to bring a gift or to celebrate. Obviously, I usually run out of time and don’t always do that, but when they were younger- it was a nice learning tool.

I really like the piggy bank idea suggested earlier. It gives people the choice and because the cash goes in the piggy bank, no-one will know if someone gave a tenner or a quid.

I hate the thought of children missing parties because parents are too skint that week to give the cash.

I don't believe this mum is going to skim the money off because someone would notice and ask for the balance etc but I do think it's mean girl/queen bee stuff so you want to shut this shit down asap.

I also think you need to send a message saying you're not doing it rather than ignore the message because it'll give other people the confidence to do that too.

Please no twee messages or pretending you can't work your banking app because you don't need to make yourself look silly. Just say thank you for setting up but we'll carry on choosing gifts and/or cards. It's very simple and no drama.

If you wanted to, you could also add that you worry about differing budgets for presents and parties and don't want to add financial pressure.

I find this so bizarre! And I am actually someone who mostly gives money for children when we are invited to their parties. I wouldn't be on board with a collection for each child though. What happens if you can't make a party - do you still have to give to every child? As the children get older they probably won't invite the whole class so I'm assuming they only want to do this for reception year? I would totally be saying thanks but no thanks OP and just explain you are happy with sorting your own cards and gifts.

If you’re going to do that you might as well all just give your own child £220 on their birthday no collection and dishing out necessary. But yeah it’s a horrible idea they love opening presents

This is very common in my country, Spain. The difference is that it is a set amount and usually is an small amount. Lets say 5 euros. The parent that collects the money talks to the birthday child's mum and finds our what they like ie. A bike, scooter etc.
The child doesn't end up with 25 gifts that at the end of the day will end up mostly in the bin as they are cluttering the house (as it happens with cheap stuff). It's really environmentally unfriendly.

What I find odd about your group of parents OP is that someone is keeping track of who is sending and how much and that it is transferred to the parent's account. The child should receive a present, and something they really like IMO.

• This only applies to kids invited to parties, (and big parties when they are small).

This has got trouble written all over it, no one knows what the child loves when you are first in reception, as it goes along you get to know what they are into and can buy accordingly. I bet the kids with late July and August birthdays miss out too.
it’s completely tone deaf if you ask me, or everyone can afford to spend even £10 for each party and no one I know buys gifts if the child isn’t having a party unless they personally know them.

Sounds ridiculous.
Just ignore them- they sound annoying.
Keep your distance now fight from the start.

This is so sad. Kids love presents, they don’t care how much it costs. At 5 years old, it’s absolute magic watching a child open a gift.
I have just had to break it to my soon to be 12 year old, that if he is fortunate enough to get anything for his bday, it will be money and vouchers now. He took it well. He will be 12

… but a 5 year old?

Not to mention the massive dictatorship of this queen bee hun. basically spending other people’s money for them!

Step away!

I reception I often couldn't afford presents. I was still having to find money down the back of the sofa for bus fares etc. Certainly not able to splash £10 on a classmates birthday. I would regift things we had 2 of or things my DC didn't want. I also combed charity shops and often picked up unopened stuff there. It's very presumptuous.

This is strange and seems to be making a lot of extra work for the volunteer. This is the sort of thing you do when a group is contributing towards one big gift. You give the present to the child.

When DS were at primary school I floated the idea, that instead of presents we could put £5 in a card, to our school mum group (if they were going to give a present which everyone always did). To cut down on tat basically. It was squashed pretty quickly. That was over 10 years ago though, I expect times have changed.

Our school does it as an option and I personally really like it. The parent of the birthday child decides if they want the individual presents or the money, and if they choose the money one of the other Mums collects it (we tend to say £10 suggested) and then writes the names of all the kids in a card and transfers the money to the birthday child’s Mum. Usually they will send a pic a week later with what the child chose to get. Some people opt out and bring a gift instead.

Reasons I love it - one less thing to think about! Love not having to work out what a child might like. I also always struggle to find something decent for under £10. And having done it the old way for years (this year was the first time we did the cash) it was so much better - my daughter chose a couple of things she absolutely loves and plays with all the time. The year before she received 25 gifts which is way too many for any child, multiple duplicates and a load of plastic tat which she never touched.

It should be optional though!

Why is it making you so agitated, though? Fair enough not to like it and continue to buy your own presents if your child is invited to birthday parties, but surely it’s no skin off your nose either way?