School mums asking for money

[Nesquik1]

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

Definitely stand your ground on one. I nipped the whole £ thing in the bud - every time I send rsvp I also immediately ask ‘thinking of gifts is there anthing x particularly likes so I can get a gift they’d like’ - very few every say ‘£’ until they are much older!

Maybe people trying to fit in or not wanting to rock the boat? I would also find this ridiculous!

No, that’s weird.
my children are teenagers now, but they’ve always liked to choose presents for friends, and we have price limit.

Stating how much someone gave makes it all very competitive.

Sounds like people expecting contributions to their wedding, and baby showers!

I would not ,under any circumstances get involved with this. Just say that you will respond to a childs birthday as it arises. If you want to and if you are in a position to do it! Ridiculous that you are being asked to pay money in anywhere. I've actually had to deal with the 'sheet thing ' for adult recipients. Leisure Centre instructors. I always gave a small gift for them and the reception staff at Christmas. ( Think sweet boxes or wine and biscuits.) Anyway. A couple of years back a small group of folks decided to do a 'cash sheet' instead. Two of the ladies appointed themselves collectors and were writing down names and amounts. Imagine my amazement when I was actually approached for a donation whilst in the showers!?!? Lol ! My "No" was loud and clear!

My little one just had her 3rd birthday and discovered new things in the gifts her friends got her as they chose things they liked. She also remembers who gave her what so happily tells me her friend X gave her this when she has fun colouring her new colouring book or playing her new board game, or wearing her new hair clips. That seems really important to the relationship too, whereas she'd have no sense that I didn't just get her the presents if I received cash and chose things for her, and I'd obviously stick to what I already know. I'd say no thanks to the collection syndicate!

I’ve kids of primary age and the set money in a card is a great idea as it cuts down on hunting for gifts the child may not like, avoids duplicates and ultimately cuts down on waste. The actual writing of the card and putting the money in is important to both the sender and recipient though and I know my little ones take it seriously.

What happens going forward? Is the birthday child presented with a cheque? Does this now eliminate birthday cards for the child? It’s beyond weird and quite inappropriate really so I’d be saying no and that you’d like your child to be actively involved in the card writing and gift giving.

This parent is a weirdo, seriously.

This is weird. I would never do this. There’s also a legal aspect here if the volunteer dies, goes bankrupt etc. This money would be considered her own and can be a real faff sorting out!

I bet the person who thought of this or the people agreeing have kids whose birthdays are soon and just want the money! Poor kid with no party presents to open.

Maybe come off the WhatsApp group altogether? Just a suggestion as I’ve never joined my kids’ for the simple idea that I have enough on already and can’t stand the ‘sheep’ mentality. My kids haven’t missed anything important so far. Personally, can’t see that it’s vital?

Wow I wouldn't be happy with that how would you even know the child who's birthday it Is is getting all thr money collected for them or one child ie the child who's parent is collecting gets more than other children , I wouldn't be happy with that plus as most in agreement children like presents , something to open definitely stay out of the collection and buy present op

@mummysherlock I think you're right that confidence comes with second kids. Ten years between my two and I'm far more confident with my second.

30 kids x £10= £300 per year. How is everyone going to afford that then?! Because I know I couldn't! I'd either say, I'll buy presents that my child chooses for their friends. Or I'd just leave the group chat. Leaving might be less problematic. When ever people send me money/cheques for the kids, then it sits in their bank accounts. They can't access it until they're older. My kids enjoy opening presents, they love tat.

So, @Nesquik1 , with the full reassurance from MN that this is a totally bonkers suggestion by the weird mother, have you replied (slightly more diplomatically) in the WhatsApp group?
If so, what was the response ?

@UsingChangeofName yes I replied my daughter likes choosing presents so we will be giving a gift directly to the child at the events we go to. No response!

👍

Good! I don’t think I know a single 5 year old that would be happy to not get presents. Money has no meaning to them whatsoever.
I hope all the other parents follow your example…

Great reply. And I bet you’ve opened the door to a fair few who will agree with you. And even if that doesn’t happen, you haven’t said anything snarky or judgmental. Perfect.

My son started school last year. Most but not all of the class did whole-class parties, we attended most but not all of the parties we were invited to. We brought a toy for each party. When it was my son’s birthday we invited the whole class, most came and most gave a toy. A couple gave a gift card for the toy shop. I have to say the volume of toys we came home with was overwhelming & obviously not everything suited my son & some doubled up on things we already had.
Anyway, towards the end of the year we started doing Carta Cúig and it’s really working out IMO. Get invited to a party, pop a fiver in the card, done. What goes around comes around, when it’s your child’s birthday they get a fiver from each party-goer. Simple. If you don’t go to a party then you don’t give it.
So I do think the idea is a good one… the weird part is why this busy body mum is collecting all of the money up front. What if the child doesn’t have a party or what if not everyone is invited?

Be easier if every parent gave £1 for the number of children ie £30 for 30 kids, and then that child got a £30 gift or gift card on their birthday so they could choose what to buy, that way there is no list of who gave what and it would stop any nastiness and solve all the birthday presents for the coming year

That would be a straight ‘No thanks, we have our own way of doing presents’.

Or if I wasn’t feeling confident ‘Sorry, nice idea but my little Jonny likes choosing gifts for his friends’.

Completely mad idea. Can't for the life of me think why it would even be a thing.

Good on you for just doing your own thing OP.

Sure there’s some control/rinsing going on. No other reason. Come on.