School mums asking for money

[Nesquik1]

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

I feel awful for school mums like yourself now. What should have been a positive stage in your loves seems to have turned into a competitive, bitchy, militant experience that can only be harmful to all concerned.

Never heard of this! I hate money stuff as i used to collect for teachers gifts and some inevitably gave 100s, others less so. It just forces those who haven't got money, to spend more than they need to.

That's rubbish. One of my kids classes did the cash thing - and let me say, that nothing replaces a heap of presents better than a heap of fivers.

all the kids loved having a wedge of cash after their party :)

I wouldn't have done it with transfers though - yes for teacher presents, not for kids. I'd be opting out.

They love it, because they'll be getting the cash! These kids probably won't see it! Or they'll use the money to pay for a present from them! My sister used to always ask for cash. When I'd ask what she bought for my nephew she'd say, oh I used it towards his playhouse/day out. He didn't even know we'd given him money. It looked like he just got a card! Kids love receiving a wrapped pressie and opening it! Just say I'm going to stick to buying pressies, because my kid loves choosing and wrapping them for his friends.

I'd be messaging;

"Hi lovelies, I'm going to opt out of this one. My 'Emily' loves helping with the gift buying and wrapping, and so will still want to bring a present and card. Well done for volunteering though."

Others will be glad if you do. But someone else might do this so you also have the option of saying nothing.

Also don't forget there is also a (possibly quite annoying) person sat at home fed up because the brilliant idea she had about collecting all the money for birthday gifts has only been taken up by 6 people!!!

Don't feel bad OP, Reception mums can be batshit.

Something like this was suggested for my son’s class (for birthday parties). A parent with an older child said cash instead of presents can work well by having a collection box at the party. I think that’s a great idea (less tat, but everyone can still essentially do what they want).

I will continue to buy small gifts or put a fiver in a collection box, if there’s one being used.

In our house there’s a saying “where there’s money there a fiddle”

Bollocks would you find me paying into something like this.

I welcome someone taking charge of teacher gifts etc as it takes the stress away but there's no way I'd pay some randomer in my dd's class every time it's a kid's birthday. For starters, my dd's class has way more boys than girls. As such, she was hardly invited to any partys in Reception and hardly anyone came to her party. There's no way I'm forking out money for every kid in the class just for them to be so rude to my child.

Don't make naff excuses. Just tell the parent you'd prefer to buy a present thanks. 6/30 isn't that many. They're probably just the other mum's cronies. Once somebody starts the trend of 'no thanks' I think you'll find that others join you

Less hassle than choosing a present? Their little darling won't have a load of tat to transport home after their party?
It's hard on those with less money though. Often I could get the equivalent of a ten pound gift for a fiver.

I think the ‘collector’ is opening themselves up to all kinds of issues. If she doesn’t like the child, will they get all of their money? She’s accidentally spent some of the money, oops - little Freddie goes without! Even if she is very honest (which I’m sure she is), people may perceive things differently.

Is she by any chance an older Mum that doesn’t work?

Opt out and make it clear that in a cost of living crisis how much people give is private.

I'd be tempted to let the school know because I'd be concerned that the parent may not be someone who can be trusted to maintain confidentiality.

Probably noone wants to rock the boat but agree it's bonkers.

I always have a present box with things I've picked up in various sales or unwanted gifts so definitely wouldn't be up for random donations.

I do think teachers donations are a different ball game though and it's nice to get JL vouchers or similar.

I'm sure once you say it others will agree with you. I can't imagine the whole class being up for this

this is like bring in Motherland.

In reception we had a Whatsapp group of around 12 of us and we started doing a birthday collection for every party and one parent bought the present. It was great as we put in a fiver and could buy a super present (consulted with the child's parent about this). It kept going until Y2 (and we reduced the amount to £4!) when the bigger parties fizzled out.

Never had a whole class WA group or whole class party - not a thing around here! Big parties were up to 25 kids (local softplay max) but usually had some relatives, friends from other places etc.

No, I wouldn't be up for just giving cash as a gift, and I don't see the point of a collection if it's just cash. It's too young for money, not from a lot of guests.

The same person volunteering to do the collection each time? I'd honestly be wondering how much of the total was going to the birthday child.

At that age I'd still go for a present or a fiver in a card personally.

We have mums like that in our WhatsApp group as well! I just ignore it all. We do £5 per child but put it in a card and give to child, some people still do gifts but personally I’d rather the cash- my son put it all together and bought something he really wanted rather than 30 gifts of tat! I always add a little bag of sweets or chocolate wrapped up so they still have something to open, works well. Just put on group that you will put money in a card instead and leave it as that- there are always the annoying over dominant mums in the class

So volunteer mum is going to have £4500 rattling around in her bank account. I’d almost guarantee there’ll be an issue when it comes to distribution.

just say “Sarah really enjoys picking a present for birthdays so we’ll keep doing that. Thanks though!”

How odd - how old are the children?
We discuss this every year in our class meeting with a general birthday party rules chat - eg all boys/all girls/whole class, limits on gift spending - and every year someone suggests money collection towards a single gift. At the moment (age 9 ) most parents in our class were in agreement that part of going to a party is thinking about/finding/choosing/wrapping gift, writing card, watching their present be unwrapped, and that the birthday child likes the unwrapping of lots of little parcels - they dont think about 'worth' of one expensive gift the same way as adults do.
I think we will move towards it as the class gets older and less beguiled by little craft kits and such but in their stage right now it seems better to have the individual gifts. I wouldn't be doing it or changing the general rule unless its been agreed in advance

This ^. For goodness sake don't start saying your tiny brain doesn't understand online banking or similar nonsense. I'd rather be thought of as blunt than stupid.

@PegasusReturns and lock it into a first direct savings account earning 7% interest but I am a cynic…

That’s one of the weirdest things I’ve ever heard. Your child gets invited to a party, you buy a present to take. End of.

I can almost guarantee not all mums in the class will love it even if it seems they do. Some people might just put a heart to appear they do/go along with the crowd. If you want to make a like minded mum friend there will be one somewhere, it's just a matter of finding them!

Just say “oh that’s really lovely to offer but I think I’ll just pop £10 in the card, makes things easier for me”.