School mums asking for money

[Nesquik1]

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

I have 2 children in infant school and find this strange. Children that age like to open gifts and surely you only buy gifts if somebody has arranged a birthday party?

I do happily contribute to group teacher gifts. Saves me a job.

It's all a bit impersonal isn't it?

And it won't end well.

I never get involved in anything the parents suggest that involves handing money over, not even if it’s the parent council, what I do if the message comes concerning money for parent council I will got to the school office & hand money in making sure it’s written down with my name & amount, I just refuse to hand money to someone I hardly know because well who knows if that money is going to be used for what they say & if the actual amount is used, call me a cynical old bugger but that’s just the way I am plus I know it annoys the heck out of the parent council members😂😂😂

Did this all through primary for both my boys and it was the best idea. We fixed the amount at £10 and the cash was put into a card for the birthday child signed by the rest of the class then they were able to get one really nice gift from classmates. Much better than getting 3 lots of the same in game.

Definitely weird. I wouldn't participate. If asked I would just say. Either I'm buying a present 🎁 or popping $$£ in the envelope.

You spent £300 on putting cash towards other children's gifts with the expectation that your child would receive a £300 gift in return?

What do you buy?

I just wouldn’t comment and if asked so I am traditional and like to give x amount in a card for a child to open or to give them a present or voucher.

Good point! And what about the poor little mites with birthdays just after Christmas, they don’t stand a chance!

This would go down like a bucket of sick at our primary school. People just couldn’t afford it. It would be considered really bad form to suggest it.

This

I mean the idea is completely bonkers.

As others have suggested, I would put a message in the group and say
"No thanks, I think the children enjoy actually opening their presents at this age, and lots of children also enjoy choosing what they give their friends."

Which is a less contentious thing than saying not everyone might want to spend that amount on each present and definitely less contentious than suggesting it is a bit dodgy that one woman has all this money going through her bank account with no audits or checks.

I bet you'll find lots of people agreeing with what you put.

Very odd. I’d just decline & say I am quite capable of putting cash in a card myself & delivering to child or their parents for the birthday!

So we did this during covid when kids couldn’t have parties. But each child/family put in a set amount of £5 and every parent took a turn to do a collection. This has continued as everyone felt this worked for us and the kids absolutely love receiving their card and money from their friends. Works out we only spend £70 a year on class gifts but our own child gets that back on their birthday. It works for us but not something that we would have started if it hadn’t been for covid.

Oh yikes avoid that like the plaque.
A few years back the parents in my class gave the class mum rep the money for the end of year gifts for the class, she pocketed the lot. I couldn’t even thank anyone as I didn’t know what the gift was meant to be….
One of the mums worked in the school and I did end up telling her about 2 years later. She had no idea…

I wouldn’t engage. Just send a no thanks from us short message and be done with it.

my experience with people volunteering to collect cash has always led to lots of unanswered questions as to why it never added up..

I agree with the post that are saying thanks but no thanks. You don't get invited to every child in your child's class and also might have commitments on the day the party is on if they do get invited so your contributing to something your not going to. Myself personally I'm not keen on this and without causing upset is there someone at the school you could speak to to raise your concern. Because I do feel some parents even if they say no thanks politely there is always the possibility the person organising this knows who's put in and who hasn't and it can cause friction. This is just my opinion.

God I must be getting old! I’ve never heard such a load of bullshit in my life! It’s like a dictatorship! It was bad enough when my daughter was at her infant school which was Catholic and us parents were asked to give a “donation” to help the school but I stopped giving money as she got older and it’s funny how I used to get a reminder for such “donation” then one day when I handed over some cash to the teacher she crossed my name off a list which was on the back of her stock room door! You keep doing what you’re doing and don’t be pressurised.

Why would that mum want to create so much unnecessary work for herself?! That’s 400+ bank transactions to keep track of across the year. Utterly bonkers.

12 people have responded so there’s likely 10 of you thinking it’s batshit. Just say thanks so much for offering to take on this huge task but your children enjoy choosing a gift and bringing to the party so you will keep doing that.

I don’t agree with this idea anyway, but to think it’s OK when many people are struggling to buy essentials is so inappropriate. My children always gave what we could afford. Often that was a gift picked up in a sale at half price 6 months previous. Other times it was something very reasonably priced, but which the child would enjoy.
When opening 20 class presents, at home after a party, children are un/impressed with the item for numerous reasons. Price is rarely the one.

Its reception silliness, why not say that youre going to cut out the "middle-mum" and stick £220 in your own childs account once a year 😁
I promise you the little scheme will not last beyond year 1 at best

It will calm down soon enough, don’t worry. In Reception the throwing of parties for some is a way of fiercely making new friends. For the adults. I can assure you plenty of parents are thinking the same way as you and are probably horrified at the potential cost of all this.

SchoolmumWorld- It’s brutal out there

from someone who has 4 kids ( now grown up)
you can’t navigate this and it’s a familiar scene to me over the years- oh and it seems a bit weird and wrong- little people like gifts !

My advice would be to keep the hell away from the groups/ the gossips/ the cliques etc. and remain friendly smiley but detached. You will find your tribe eventually ( i did) but until then detached friendliness is the way to go imho
NEVER get into the malicious gossip groups - it will bite you back big time

Good luck ☘️☘️

I dont agree with this at all.
Children LOVE to open presents.
Giving money in my opinion is in very poor taste.
I would not do it or give to a teachers collection, i would though buy a little something if my child had a favourite teacher, or one he/she was attached too. A small candle or bar of chocolate with a hand made by child card..

Thank god I have done my time in primary school without ever encountering anything like this.

Our WhatsApp group was a great resource for reuniting lost ties and single trainers with their owners.

Leave the parents WhatsApp. In my experience they are toxic

Mums WhatsApp/ Facebook groups are great for returning stuff.
And great for getting this week's spelling words, one of my DC decided to not write them down in the hope of getting out of home work!

But this is beyond mental and I'm very cynical about the motivation factor.

Ridiculous idea frankly. I guess it saves some parents time but it sucks.