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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mums asking for money

497 replies

Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:23

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 27/09/2023 22:46

Iv seen quite a bit of crazy in my time on class what's app but that one takes the biscuit. Unless it's like a super small village class it utter madness paying for 30 children's birthdays.

Fullfatandfortyplus · 27/09/2023 22:46

As others have said above once one or two reply with a thumbs up and ‘great idea’ it becomes difficult for anyone to against the grain but get your message in as others have suggested above and I’m sure you will find others agree with you.

Fullfatandfortyplus · 27/09/2023 22:47

And just to add - I think it’s a horrible idea, my children loved opening all their presents and I def wouldn’t be taking part!

Frickinghell · 27/09/2023 22:47

Just dont engage and do your own thing

00100001 · 27/09/2023 22:47

I'd just ignore it and not even bother replying

TedWilson · 27/09/2023 22:48

It's weird. And who knows what this person is doing with all the money she collects?! Could be taking £300 and giving the child £200 each time!
These groups are a nightmare it's all "yeah hon that's so lovely" and no one wants to disagree. Be the rebel. Say "aww that's so lovely but my kids love a real present!"

Original poster
Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:49

sorry poster who asked about numbers: 22 kids in class including my daughter.

OP posts:
stardust40 · 27/09/2023 22:51

How many parents have agreed? You might find others like you who are just keeping quiet!

Original poster
Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:53

There’s been 6 love hearts so far, 3 “good idea/amazing”, plus 3 people already transferred money or will transfer money tomorrow, volunteer given her bank details in first message, and that’s all so far.

OP posts:
Vinrouge4 · 27/09/2023 23:05

I would either just do my own thing or reply and say ‘good idea but I think I will just go down the buying present route’. You might find others agreed with you

AuntMarch · 27/09/2023 23:05

"I'd rather let DC hand over their gift to birthdaychild, the joy of giving is part of the celebration for us you bunch of miserable dementors"

PandaExpress · 27/09/2023 23:11

That is so weird!! No way would I get involved it that. When my youngest was little she actually enjoyed picking presents for her school friends. When they got a bit older, maybe 8 or 9, we started to put money in their cards. Kids like getting money in their card and adding up how much they have at the end. Why would they want one card stuffed with cash off the whole class? Its not being done with the kids in mind, thats for sure. Absolutely bonkers and bizarre. Don't play along with this!

AllWeWantToDo · 27/09/2023 23:11

I'd ignore it

determinedtomakethiswork · 27/09/2023 23:17

But the whole point of giving a child a little present, or a few pounds in a card is that they know it's from you. The woman is going to get all the glory and it's going to look like nobody else has given a present.

I would just say oh count me out please, my child likes to help me choose a present and wrap it up.

TheLightProgramme · 27/09/2023 23:20

For children that age i prefer to buy a gift.

Im happy to spend up to £15 though so perhaps that makes it easier

ButtonSister · 27/09/2023 23:22

So 22 in the class. During the school year you hand over £210 for the other 21 children, when it's your child's birthday you/she receives £210.
Which is a stupid idea in itself, but worse when some parents will "forget", especially if their child has a birthday early in the year and by the summer time the poor Cancers and Leo s will be getting £20 if they're lucky.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 27/09/2023 23:25

Very odd, money goes in a card here direct to birthday child. I wouldn't do it this way. I'd just say I'll stick mine in a card. Birthday child should at least get a card to open from each child/family guest. WhatsApp group with one parent collecting is how teacher and sports coach gifts are done.

saraclara · 27/09/2023 23:27

Thanks for offering to set this up, but we're just going to carry on buying individual gifts. DC like to choose for their friends.

That. Kids love presents, and at that age they like choosing them too. And it's training for being generous and thoughtful as they grow up.

bobotothegogo · 27/09/2023 23:27

I hate all the organised collecting of money for the various teacher gifts etc in general so YANBU IMHO. This sounds like a recipe for disaster, keep well out.
What really pisses me off about it is that it's all mums! Mums creating work and stress for other mums in the guise of being so helpful and organised!

YeahNoYeah · 27/09/2023 23:28

Off topic, but you just add your daughters birthday money to your purse? 🙈

determinedtomakethiswork · 27/09/2023 23:29

Yes, what about those children whose birthdays are in August?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/09/2023 23:30

I’d find that odd.

At DDs school money is given, but it’s done in a piggy bank at the party. Was started a while back and it’s grown and grown. A Mum suggested it because she’d discovered a parent she knew declined a couple of party invite because they couldn’t afford the multiple presents (they weren’t having a party for their own DC).

It’s done really well. Only the adults put money in the bank so the kids have no idea if their mum gave 50p, £20 or nothing. Nobody discusses what they put in either. The kids give their friends the card.

The child then has a bigger amount to buy something good. My Dd refers to the Lego she bought after her party as “my friends present lego”.

One person collecting the money like a party treasurer is weird though

Thementalloadisreal · 27/09/2023 23:31

I don’t understand why a volunteer is collecting? Surely if you do this ( joyless) system then you all give the money to the parent of the birthday child.

But still, l it’s weird and awkward. And expensive potentially. I buy presents for children’s birthday parties that they’re invited to. That’s all. If you get invited to every party, and you have to pay the “volunteer” a tenner a time, that’s a lot of money, and you can get lovely kids pressies for less money than you’d give as cash.

Sugarfree23 · 27/09/2023 23:31

Op I'd ignore, or say I'd prefer to give children directly.

I might be a bit cynical but I can only see one motivation that is to scam one way or other.
Their own kid gets from everyone then they decide its too much work and stop it or they take a cut of the cash given.

Nobody wants that amount of hassle in their life for nothing!

Saggypants · 27/09/2023 23:33

Nesquik1 · 27/09/2023 22:53

There’s been 6 love hearts so far, 3 “good idea/amazing”, plus 3 people already transferred money or will transfer money tomorrow, volunteer given her bank details in first message, and that’s all so far.

Edited

See, it feels like EVERYONE but out of 22 kids it really isn't. It's just the Hun Mums whose social lives are built around spraying love hearts and 'love you's all over the internet.

I'd ignore it. If the organising mum is a bit extra she might tag you or ask you in person at some point at which stage you just act surprised like this is the first you've heard of it, and say 'thanks but we already organised something'.