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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

311 replies

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 11:57

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day?
NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.
I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely
Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this.
Completely different if you have to work

OP posts:
WAC1 · 27/09/2023 11:59

Probably not every day but a few days a week!

miniaturepixieonacid · 27/09/2023 12:01

No. What would be the point in paying s fortune for childcare you can give yourself? From 2.5/3 yes, I'd do 2 or 3 days because it's beneficial for the child. But not 1.

ginandtonicwithlimes · 27/09/2023 12:14

Seems a lot of money for time to yourself. Your friend must be minted!

LongLiveGoblingKing · 27/09/2023 12:16

Maybe a couple of mornings a week but no not full time. I'd have loved to be at home when my kids were 1.

Original poster
Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 12:17

@ginandtonicwithlimes I know!

OP posts:
Tweddle · 27/09/2023 12:17

I did. I was suffering with PND and was exhausted. Have a day or two to myself was a huge help. It reduced my PND and made me a better mother to my child. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do.

VanCleefArpels · 27/09/2023 12:18

I did for my first child: 2 days a week from age 1, gave me some time and space to do exercise, life admin, see friends, sleep! Can’t really see the issue

Original poster
Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 12:18

I understand a few mornings a week from 3 maybe but at 1 if you don’t have to?
I’d have missed my son 😩I don’t know if I could have sat at home wondering what he was up to

OP posts:
ClusterFukt · 27/09/2023 12:19

Probably not a 1 year old, might put a 2-3 year old for a day so I could have day to get stuff done uninterrupted.

Weefreetiffany · 27/09/2023 12:19

Yes my DS did three mornings a week, which was time I needed as we didn’t have family nearby and I had pnd and serious sleep deprivation. To have that time to sleep and get better was invaluable and let me keep up the brave face where needed.

Blackcoffee1 · 27/09/2023 12:20

Yes; from 18 months. I think nursery is hugely beneficial. Only a few days a week.

Not everyone will have the same opinion as you.

AllTheChaos · 27/09/2023 12:21

I worked 4 days a week and my 1 year old was in nursery 5 days a week. She just did not sleep (undiagnosed health issues that only came out later) and I needed that day (single parent, not much family help at that stage) in order to survive.

PinkRoses1245 · 27/09/2023 12:21

You say you're not being judgy but you are coming across very judgy. So many reasons: giving the SAHP time for housework, cooking, cleaning, volunteering, exercise, looking after themselves, having a sleep! And there are many benefits of nursery like independence, socialising, new experiences and activities that many parents wouldn't do at home.

Tweddle · 27/09/2023 12:21

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 12:18

I understand a few mornings a week from 3 maybe but at 1 if you don’t have to?
I’d have missed my son 😩I don’t know if I could have sat at home wondering what he was up to

You said no judgment but that is exactly what you are doing, trying to make mothers like me, who were struggling with their mental health, feel like shit.

ColonelSpondleClagnut · 27/09/2023 12:21

I would have absolutely if I'd had the chance. You wouldn't have known it but I was a complete wreck and I'd definitely have thought that DC would have had better care in a nursery than at home.

Whether that's true or not I've no idea, but I'm not interested in picking apart other people's lives and decisions unless there's good reason to.

Jules912 · 27/09/2023 12:21

Full time or just mornings/afternoons? I know someone who did the latter a few days a week as they have a medical condition which meant they needed a rest from running around after a toddler to not get very ill.

SummerDayz63 · 27/09/2023 12:22

I would love to not work and be able to put my nearly one year old in nursery a couple of times a week (ideally 3). Would enable me to do something’s for myself and enable me to be a better parent and partner for the rest of the week.

minipie · 27/09/2023 12:22

Not every day no I wouldn’t, but you never know what physical or mental health problem someone may be struggling with.

Hufflepods · 27/09/2023 12:22

@miniaturepixieonacid No. What would be the point in paying s fortune for childcare you can give yourself?

By that logic what would be the point in paying for anything that you can do yourself? And yet plenty of people use cleaners, gardeners, tradesmen, have meals out etc.

haretino · 27/09/2023 12:23

I put my dc in a Montessori nursery from age 2.5 as a sahm, which I think was the ideal age. I think 1 is a little young, and if I felt I needed childcare as a sahm and had the funds, I would opt for a nanny. My dc did 3 short days a week from 2.5-4.5 until she started school.

CastleCrasher · 27/09/2023 12:24

Personally no, but I have a friend who would have massively benefited from this if she could have afforded it. She had a very long recovery from the birth (about two years all told), hugely sleep deprived and very depressed. As it was she used family and friends for childcare as much as possible (and suffered a lot of judgy comments for it as from the outside she looked to be doing well).

ColonelSpondleClagnut · 27/09/2023 12:24

Maybe you should get some help if you feel you'd not be able to cope being apart from your LO.

Or maybe actually your feelings are normal, and so are the feelings of the mother (and father!) who put their child in nursery.

People are just different.

reabies · 27/09/2023 12:24

Yes I would, maybe not fulltime but definitely some of the time. Mine goes 4 days (I do work) and has learnt SO much from being there. I went to a 'stay and play' session today where parents can sit in and see what goes on. He was doing activities I don't have the equipment and setup to do with him at home. He was bouncing around buzzing to be there. He gets on well with the staff and other children (as much as a 16mo can get on with other children). I have no regrets sending him, and would do again even if I didn't need to work.

solice84 · 27/09/2023 12:25

I did from when he was 9 months old
Though at that time it was the only legal way he could socialise with other children and I felt it was important for his development as we were in lockdown

hotpotlover · 27/09/2023 12:26

Well, everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different.

Maybe she doesn't have family close by and needs a breather for me time/cleaning/shopping.

What works for one family, doesn't work for the next one.

And that's okay.