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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

311 replies

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 11:57

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day?
NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.
I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely
Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this.
Completely different if you have to work

OP posts:

ginandtonicwithlimes · 27/09/2023 12:26

I wish I could afford to send mine for a couple of mornings so he can do all the messy play there.

solice84 · 27/09/2023 12:27

But I probably still would have done even if we weren't in lockdown .

notacooldad · 27/09/2023 12:29

Maybe one day week to get them socialised.
However if I had a lot of other stuff going on I would possibly consider more, eg health issues, careening duties, studying…….or things that I haven’t thought about.
Each to their own and all that!

RidingMyBike · 27/09/2023 12:30

Absolutely, but probably not full time. Small children are hard work and it's grim being at home with them and not doing anything else. I only did a year of maternity leave but that was bad enough!

My big regret from maternity leave is not signing DD up for half a day a week in nursery from six weeks old - we had no family help and no support from anyone else and were really struggling as I had severe PND.

TruffleShuffles · 27/09/2023 12:30

Me and my husband are self employed and could have got away with not putting our first in nursery but we decided to put her in for 2 mornings a week. I’m now looking to do the same with my second but maybe at 18 months as I think it was hugely beneficial for our eldest socially. We had a direct comparison with our eldest and a few friends/relatives children of the same age who didn’t go to nursery and she was so much more developed socially and verbally, could be a coincidence but I put it down to the nursery experience.

I’m not saying that children can’t develop well without nursery but for our daughter we think having to engage with adults and children away from us really helped her.

Createausername1970 · 27/09/2023 12:30

Not full time, but a couple of half days or one full day if I could afford it, yes definitely. Gives the child a bit of socialisation away from you, and gives you a chance to either catch up on chores, meet up with friends, or just generally be "you" and not "mum".

MsSquiz · 27/09/2023 12:33

Dd1 started nursery at 18 months, 2 mornings a week and then built up to 3 full days by 3years old, and started school nursery this month for 5 full days and she turns 4 in December

Dd2 started nursery at 14 months in June, 2 mornings a week and will do the same build up as her sister.

I don't work and DH works for himself so technically I could have them both home full time until reception but they enjoy spending time with other kids and adults, it has built their confidence up and they come home happy and tired! They also do lots of things we wouldn't necessarily do with them at home. And it gives us space from each other, which I think is important. They don't need to be with me or their dad 24/7

Notagains · 27/09/2023 12:34

No I wouldn't. Not even for a day .
Those days are precious and pass so quickly.
The only time I would consider it if not working would be if there were other considerations, perhaps mental health issues

wednesday32 · 27/09/2023 12:34

What works for you doesn't for others. It is what suits the parent and child. It is not all cuddly and lovely for everyone. So many reasons for and against, but as you are looking for reasons why:
catching up on sleep/rest/housework/social life. Personal care such as gym/hobbies. Also for the child it is a great way to socialise and integrate with others, learn new skills such as sharing toys and enjoying additional benefits not available at home such as a sensory room/activities etc. Other reasons may include undiagnosed issues with baby whereby the respite is invaluable/parent may be suffering with post-natal depression etc. Not everyone has to have the same parenting experience. As long as parent and baby are happy and well that is all that matters. x

Witchcraftandhokum · 27/09/2023 12:35

You say you're not being judgy, but you are really.

Bananabreadandstrawberries · 27/09/2023 12:35

It can be really hard as a new mum. I think it’s easy to say that every day is precious (in hindsight) but easier to forget how sleep deprived, tired, isolated you can feel. Be mindful that we are all coping differently.

pinksheetss · 27/09/2023 12:37

Not full time no, would rather that time with my baby myself
A day or two a week - yes. My DD is in nursery currently due to me working full time and I see the benefits of her being there massively. Especially when we are with friends children who don't go to nursery (not saying either is good or bad, I just think my DD has gained a lot from being there and quite independent and learns fast due to it)

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 27/09/2023 12:37

Oh 100%. I couldn't spend 24/7 with my children anyway. Its nice to be able to run errands or do something i want to do without a baby in tow all the time.

Coyoacan · 27/09/2023 12:38

I put my dd in a nursery at age one because I had to and she thrived there but I think people are justified in doing what makes parenting bearable them. Some people, like the OP, loves every minute of being with their child but a lot of people don't

flutterby1 · 27/09/2023 12:38

Yes. For a day or half a day, it gives them opportunities to socialise, a great learning experience for them. and gives you a break x

MooseBreath · 27/09/2023 12:39

I did. My DS started nursery at 11 months and did 2 days per week. He has always been a whirlwind. He has always been incredibly loud. He has always been very clingy. He has always demanded full attention every waking minute. Until he was a year old, he never slept for more than 45 minutes at a time. I couldn't cook without him screaming to be picked up. I couldn't go to the toilet (with the door open) without him screaming to be entertained.

He was totally different at nursery as he observed what the other babies did and it calmed him. Nursery was a godsend.

He is no longer as difficult (he is 3.5 now), but I still need those 2 days of reprieve. We have no family in the area and most friends aren't nearby.

My younger DS is now 11 months and will not be going no nursery until he is preschool aged. He is infinitely easier than DS1 and will happily play with his toys, sleep, and entertain himself while I tidy and cook.

Every situation is different, every child is different.

RidingMyBike · 27/09/2023 12:39

Also, nursery was so amazingly supportive of family life. It was like we'd finally found the 'village' of support everyone talks about but which doesn't seem to actually exist.

That's why I regret not sending her earlier than 12 months.

fyn · 27/09/2023 12:39

My one year old does 3 mornings at nursery, but I only work on two of them. I use that other morning for sorting stuff in the house, appointments, time to myself really! Sometimes I just watch tv and eat lunxh. My husband works away Monday to Friday and sometimes longer stints away on deployment. I need some time to myself, we can afford it and I spend lots of time with her anyway! I’m a better parent for it.

Cornflakes44 · 27/09/2023 12:40

One year olds are all very different, as are mothers. You may have had a blast with your lovely and cuddly one year old. But someone else may really struggle with theirs and need the break. They might have health issues or maybe just find full time parenting really hard. I also think a bit of time away from mum is good for them, and also the mums. I find it much more problematic when women won't leave their children ever, though they often feel proud of it... Your post is obviously judgemental, otherwise why post it.

hatewhereIlive · 27/09/2023 12:41

If I had the money then yes I probably would, up to around 2 days maximum.

Some people I know get free childcare from family and they get lots of time to themselves that way, we never had that so paid childcare was the only option.

RidingMyBike · 27/09/2023 12:42

It also helps with managing dentist, doctor and hospital appointments - how to you manage those if you have no childcare available? Difficult, especially if it's a lengthy hospital clinic wait or a complicated dental procedure.

Same applies to things like haircuts, although at least I could book those for Saturdays when DH wasn't working!

5128gap · 27/09/2023 12:46

Maybe. If I thought the nursery environment would be better for them than being stuck at home with me all day. If I had no aptitude for parenting a very small child (and many of us don't. Parenthood spans a lot of years and stages and we're not all great at all of them) then I might think they would have a better day in a well run professional environment socialising with other DC. Tbh I'd have far less trouble understanding someone's decision to use a nursery than I would understanding someone's decision not to work in the first place. But we're all different and make the choices we most prefer from the options open to us.

sadaboutmycat · 27/09/2023 12:46

Well, it is being judged by default really?
I did for DS3, 1 day per week, 30 odd years ago. It meant that life was not only ever about being a Mum, and ensured that I had some much needed time to do things for myself. He loved it too so it was a win all round.
I was judged at the time by other Mums.

sadaboutmycat · 27/09/2023 12:47

Tweddle · 27/09/2023 12:17

I did. I was suffering with PND and was exhausted. Have a day or two to myself was a huge help. It reduced my PND and made me a better mother to my child. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do.

I'm with you 100%.

Pix56 · 27/09/2023 12:49

Yes, full time and ds needed it. He was born during lockdown and is autistic, and desperately needed the socialisation with other kids.

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