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Original poster

Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

311 replies

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 11:57

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day?
NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.
I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely
Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this.
Completely different if you have to work

OP posts:
EmmetEmma · 27/09/2023 12:49

I don’t understand why baby days are anymore precious than any other days.

i think I actually love spending time with them more as they’ve got older.

Bey · 27/09/2023 12:50

No, I hate having to put my 1 year old into nursery so that I can work. If we could afford for me not to work I'd keep him home with me. However each to their own, I wouldn't judge someone who did.

Partyfever · 27/09/2023 12:50

Not full time but yes, because I think it's good for their development. Also both my DC were walking before 1 so it wasn't really cuddly and lovely at that age, they were legging it all over the place and benefitted from a good environment to do so!

redskytonights · 27/09/2023 12:50

Replace "nursery" with "grandparents" and I wonder if you would get different answers.

I know a lot of SAHMs whose children regularly go to their grandparents for days/mornings/afternoons during the week to give them a break. Or whose parents regularly babysit.

For some reason this is regarded more highly than putting your child into nursery.

gogomoto · 27/09/2023 12:54

No but my DD's went to part time preschool (5 mornings a week for 2.5 hours)

BrieAndChilli · 27/09/2023 12:54

Everyone and every family is different.

I stayed home with my 3 children until they went to school - I was adopted so my 0-5 years were awful and I had read so much about how important those years are for bonding so for me I felt that i needed to be there for my kids - they did go to playschool a few mornings a week from 2.5 years and we had loads of friends in the village so did lots of toddlers groups/soft play/playdates/ park etc.

However as I have gotten older and seen all sorts of arrangements from SAHM or SAHD to both parents working full time and full time nursery from 6 months old its more about the love at home more than anything. I'm still glad that I was around for the kids when they were little but I also don't think its the only way to do it.

Mumof2teens79 · 27/09/2023 12:54

Absolutely,
I love my children but I don't really love children or childcare and I do not have any belief that either I know best or I am better at childcare than anyone else.
I obviously wouldn't use it full time in the same way I had to because I was working but a few hours a day for education and stimulation, and to get other things done....yes I would if money was no object.

My eldest loved nursery...loved the food, loved the people, loved the activities.
When I took her out because I was on maternity leave she was so bored even though I prepared activities every day

jumperoozles · 27/09/2023 12:54

I work two days a week and DS goes to nursery for 3 days. Wouldn’t put him in full time though! Love my two days with him but use my ‘day off’ to catch up on housework/admin.

arintingly · 27/09/2023 12:54

I think it would depend on the child to an extent.

My older one really loved nursery from 1, was very happy to go. My younger one even at 4 just really doesn't like being away from me, he did go to nursery 3 days a week from 1 because we both work but I wouldn't have felt very comfortable leaving him just for me time.

I try not to judge generally but I have a friend who is a SAHM, has had her child in full time nursery since they were 1, also has a weekend nanny so she and her DH can go away overnight if they want to, and has a babysitter for 3-4 evenings a week on top... I will be honest, at that point, I do judge her and her DH a bit.

Frodedendron · 27/09/2023 12:55

My daughter is really sociable and always loved noisy places with lots going on around her. Being at home with her for a day was torture because she needed constant (and I mean constant) stimulation, she would not sit and watch me do anything for more than 30 seconds without fussing. She had to go to nursery at one because I went back to work, but I would not have been able to cope with 7 days a week of her at home with me. There are only so many baby groups you can attend. I probably wouldn't have put her in full time but 3 days a week easily. She loved it, it was right up her street.

Also do you know if you can actually attend this particular nursery part time? Some around me are full time only.

SalmonnomlaS · 27/09/2023 12:55

Why so much judgement. If they (it is not her decision but both parents - assume both on the scene) can afford it - why not? No one is judging the dad for not staying with their child? So many reasons why this might be the case - and could be no reason other than they wanted this and think it is the best for their child. No one says anything when children go to grandparents, or if they had a nanny or even if they are at home but neglected. Could be for rest, mental health or even just some space.

Darkmode2 · 27/09/2023 12:55

I'm currently at home day in, day out with a one year old and I can fully understand why some people choose nursery 😄

Snugglemonkey · 27/09/2023 12:56

No. I was at home with dc1 until he was 3. I have a 10 month old and I am working. Just a few hours and dp looks after her. I hate it though.

Lagirl20 · 27/09/2023 12:56

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 12:18

I understand a few mornings a week from 3 maybe but at 1 if you don’t have to?
I’d have missed my son 😩I don’t know if I could have sat at home wondering what he was up to

Perhaps this is the problem. Other women wouldn’t “have sat at home”. They’d be exercising, or sleeping, or seeing friends, or doing things to benefit themselves.
kindly, seek therapy for your unhealthy attachment issues hope you feel better soon

Moveoverdarlin · 27/09/2023 12:57

No I wouldn’t. In an ideal world I think aged 2 is a perfect age to start nursery. I would put them in for a few mornings from the age of two, but no I’d feel terrible dropping off a one year old who potentially couldn’t walk at nursery on a wintery morning when I wasn’t working.

BrandiGlanvilleisanOG · 27/09/2023 12:58

NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.

Well, you absolutely are being judgemental and it’s none of your bloody business why someone would. So many women on this thread have now felt obligated to cite MH issues or other hardships as a reason for putting their child into paid childcare. It makes me so sad that mothers feel as though they have to justify their parenting choices to other women.

Do you think men ever gossip talk about the childcare arrangements of other children? Do you think they even know what the childcare arrangements are of their own children? Probably not. Don’t get me wrong, men are by and large absolutely awful, but their dogged blinkeredness to certain aspects of life is to be admired IMO. Maybe we should all do better and be a bit more ‘man’ about some things and stop judging women on decisions that have fuck all to do with us. Same goes for how we feed our children, how we birth them, what we call them. Etc etc etc.

Just grow up and stop being a such a bloody mummy bore.

clpsmum · 27/09/2023 12:58

No

ToDamp0rNotToDamp · 27/09/2023 12:59

If your thread needs to include the words “NOT being judgey”, there’s a high chance you’re being judgey, isn’t there ?!

This thread is just awful mum guilting and totally pointless. “just trying to understand the reasons someone would…” - don’t. Mind your own business.

Ellie1015 · 27/09/2023 12:59

You absolutely are judging. It is like people who say "no offence" before being offensive.

If you want possible reasons you can guess them yourself. Maybe she is trying to start a business, maybe she finds toddler stage mentally draining, maybe she wants to spend all day at a spa drinking champagne. Maybe your mutual friend is shit stirring and the mum is looking for work or caring for parents or only in 3 hours per day Or maybe she joked about it on a bad day and your mutual friend took it literally.

You don't have to understand or agree with her choices.

WowOK · 27/09/2023 13:00

Absolutely, if I could afford it. I have had times that I've been absolutely exhausted physically and mentally. I would have benefited me and the kids. Alas, we are skint so it wasn't to be.

BethDuttonsTwin · 27/09/2023 13:01

No.

Minibea · 27/09/2023 13:02

I’m a SAHM and DS has been in nursery two mornings a week since he was 18m and I certainly feel people are a bit judgey about it when I’m not working. I’m the stay at home parent due to circumstances and while I’m very lucky to have this time with him, I don’t find it easy, my DH works away a lot and we don’t have a lot of family support so we made sacrifices in other areas to fund those 6 hours a week and they honestly keep me sane (even if the majority of that time is spent blitzing the house doing food shopping etc)

spitefulandbadgrammar · 27/09/2023 13:04

I’d love to be able to afford to not work and use childcare! Still plenty of time to spend with my children, but not so much I go bonkers. They get better care and more varied activities in childcare, I get time for myself. A pipe dream! Annoyingly I have to continue the slog of either being at home or working, but I can’t fault someone organising their life to suit them. Doesn’t affect me in the slightest, other than inspiring wistful jealousy.

jays · 27/09/2023 13:05

I put mine in for 3 mornings a week when they turned three. I wanted to be a full-time mum and was lucky enough to be able to do that, I also had quite a good routine of doing different things with them, I tended to spiral if I didn’t have structure and I had developed a health condition which meant no more babies so I think that all played a part in it. I think I put them in at 3 for 3 mornings a week because I fell in love with the nursery and wanted to get them in the way of things in time for school. Different set of circumstances and who knows what I’d have done… whatever worked best for us depending on what we were facing at the time! No judgment from me… whatever it takes to get through it and come out the other end in one piece!

GiraffeLaSophie · 27/09/2023 13:09

I would if I felt my mental or physical health was suffering, absolutely.

But otherwise, no. I don’t believe there’s any benefit (for the child) of them being in childcare before about 2. That’s not intended unpleasantly, as DD goes to nursery 3 days a week, it’s just a statement.

Unfortunately we can’t afford for me to not work, so it is what is is 🤷🏻‍♀️

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