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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

311 replies

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 11:57

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day?
NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.
I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely
Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this.
Completely different if you have to work

OP posts:
Shadowchaser · 27/09/2023 13:42

No I wouldn’t.

I strongly believe young children/babies should be with family until they are old enough to tell you there’s something wrong. I also love being at home with my children (as hard as it can be!) so wouldn’t want them there for no reason.

I did send my oldest at 3 ish just before school to ease him in to reception. I’ve not noticed any problems with mine not attending nursery until 3, my oldest is sociable and top of the class so I don’t feel he missed anything and I’ll do the same with the others.

I was lucky enough to be able to do this though as I have a DH who shares my views, supportive grandparents and I can work nights. Not everyone is able to or wants to. I suppose what they do with their children is none of my business but I’ll do what i think is right for mine.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 27/09/2023 13:46

Not at 1 - mine did 3 days a week from 11 months because I work. In hindsight, now he is 5, I'd have been a much better mum if I'd given myself at least a morning to myself on one of my days off when he was small.

Strokethefurrywall · 27/09/2023 13:47

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 13:28

I wasn’t trying to be judgemental, although I can see why some think I am. As I said, I found it so hard too and have no family around. I can see part time, but full
time every day, I just wonder why, maybe there are problems we don’t know about.

With respect OP, you don't need to know if there are problems. Parents don't have to have "problems" to utilize childcare from any age, for any reason. Nobody needs to justify themselves to you.

whattodo22222 · 27/09/2023 13:48

@AllTheChaos can I ask what the health issues were please? We are seriously struggling with sleep despite cosleeping and responding to DD all night.

RidingMyBike · 27/09/2023 13:49

Coyoacan · 27/09/2023 13:34

I remember a neighbour of mine, who we could frequently hear screaming at her little one, telling me that she wouldn't put her in a nursery because she had been told that she should enjoy her. The rest of the building really wished, for the little girl's sake, that the mother hadn't felt obliged to pretend that she was enjoying being a mother.

THIS. I was at home with my SAHM until I went to school. She thought it was something she ought to do. She was dreadful at it - no patience, screaming, shouting, smacking. No understanding of child development so a lot of chidlren should be seen and not heard.

It's had an impact throughout my life, and I so wish she'd used childcare - nursery five times a week with people who actually like children would have been amazing!

storypushers · 27/09/2023 13:49

Shadowchaser · 27/09/2023 13:42

No I wouldn’t.

I strongly believe young children/babies should be with family until they are old enough to tell you there’s something wrong. I also love being at home with my children (as hard as it can be!) so wouldn’t want them there for no reason.

I did send my oldest at 3 ish just before school to ease him in to reception. I’ve not noticed any problems with mine not attending nursery until 3, my oldest is sociable and top of the class so I don’t feel he missed anything and I’ll do the same with the others.

I was lucky enough to be able to do this though as I have a DH who shares my views, supportive grandparents and I can work nights. Not everyone is able to or wants to. I suppose what they do with their children is none of my business but I’ll do what i think is right for mine.

Why should they be with family over trained professionals until they can talk? Statistically they are far safer with trained staff rather than family members.

VivaVivaa · 27/09/2023 13:52

I just wonder why, maybe there are problems we don’t know about

Why does there have to be problems? It could just be personal choice? Sure, it’s not what I would chose. I’d probably send them a couple of days a week so I have time for myself. But I wouldn’t assume someone had ‘problems’ if they sent their child to nursery full time despite not working.

Shadowchaser · 27/09/2023 13:53

@storypushers no idea really. A few things happened to DS in nursery I was glad he could tell me about, nothing serious at all and very minor but at least he could say X hit me or whatever. Babies can’t do that. As professional as people are, I don’t know them bar a 2min encounter on a morning or at collection time.

I just felt uneasy about leaving my babies with someone I didn’t know.

Divebar2021 · 27/09/2023 13:54

People are really missing the point. It’s not about 1 or 2 days it’s about 5 days a week. So no I would not have done that. And I don’t care who the parent is that’s at home ( mum or dad) I wouldn’t do that. It’s not at all like having a grandparent come and babysit ( and I’ve never heard of GPS doing 5 day childcare for a SAHP in any case). It’s not like having a nanny in your own home. There’s only so much downtime / sleep time / leisure time / cleaning time ANY person needs. ( let’s not get into the volunteering suggestion). The only way I’d think it was appropriate is if the parent was suffering with a significant illness that required active medical treatment. But it’s not as if I’d express an opinion in the unlikely event of knowing someone who did this.

RTHJ14 · 27/09/2023 13:54

Worked for us .. couple of days a week at the same nursery as her brother. She loved it, and has always been happy to try new places and things.

Her brother was at home with me longer - we went to loads of groups and activities - but when he went to nursery he really struggled to settle, and remains a naturally more introverted child. Probably just their personalities.

As an only child, cared for at home until school I found it really hard to be away from my Mum, and I was keen to try and avoid that with my kids.

When they were there I got loads done at home and weekends were then family time.

Mummy2Babba · 27/09/2023 13:55

I think everyone's circumstances are different and nobody should judge.
All three of my children have been in nursery full time 7 am starts from small babies due to work. I personally get really bad mum guilt sometimes but I know they are happy and well looked after and we do lots of things as a family.
However if I have ever got away early or maybe had some days off I have on occasion still kept them in to do things at home , run errands etc. if you have everything done and organised you can parent better by having your full attention on them when they are home so I can see it from both sides from personal experience xx

Whyhaveibeencutoutofmamsnot · 27/09/2023 13:55

Mine are older now but I would have loved to at the time - just a day or even half per week so I could get the house and myself in order and do life admin stuff. DH worked long hours and was fond of "I just popped in to see X" on the way home from work. 15 hours on my own with an energetic toddler hell bent on self destruction.
My youngest DC was at nursery because I worked but still attended if I took annual leave during school holiday to give the older DCs time

newlystyle · 27/09/2023 13:57

I did at 15 months, m-f 5 hours a day. Saved my sanity. I was a sahm and needed time away from ds, he was an extremely clingy baby. I lived for those 5 hours daily.

RidingMyBike · 27/09/2023 14:00

Also not clear what full time means in your post.

In the nursery we used that would have been 5 x 11.5 hour days so 57.5 hours per week.

Or it could be 5 x 3 hour mornings?!

That's quite a difference.

Everydayimhuffling · 27/09/2023 14:06

I think I would have felt it was pointless for me to be a SAHM if I was sending them to nursery. I was fine with sending them when I went back to work 3 day a week at 1 though, apart from the difficult settling at the start, and I have left them in at least part of the time when I'm on holiday (teacher).

I think I would have felt guilty about not working more than anything else, although I am enjoying being part time.

Lentilweaver · 27/09/2023 14:06

If you have young DC, I do not understand how you have time to look at other people's childrearing and wonder about how they are doing, and if they have "problems." I am deeply uninterested in other people's DC.

Londonscallingme · 27/09/2023 14:08

Not every day but maybe 3 or 4 half days, partly for my benefit and partly did theirs!

eastegg · 27/09/2023 14:09

solice84 · 27/09/2023 12:25

I did from when he was 9 months old
Though at that time it was the only legal way he could socialise with other children and I felt it was important for his development as we were in lockdown

Don’t want to derail but I am genuinely confused by this. Were you working? If so then I don’t see the similarity with the situation OP describes, the whole point of which is that the friend doesn’t work. If you weren’t working, how come you were sending your child to nursery in lockdown? In lockdown childcare provision was for key workers. Unless you’re talking about further down the line when things opened up more, in which case, not really lockdown.

SpideyWoman1 · 27/09/2023 14:13

Not everyday. I’d wonder why you bothered having kids.

My gym have a crèche and I think an hour or two might be nice, even each day. Or a couple of days of full days at nursery.

Im minded to say Mum might need a break but this seems excessive.

thetrainatplatform4 · 27/09/2023 14:14

No it's weird and I'd 100% judge a parent who did this.

PollyPeep · 27/09/2023 14:15

"Not being judgy"... proceeds to judge lol.

Colinswheels · 27/09/2023 14:18

I put both mine in nursery for a half day when I wasn't working from around age 2.5/3, I used to call it my sanity day! I used it to clean the house mainly be also enjoyed the odd tea break in peace! This was utilising free hours though, I couldn't have justified spending on nursery fees whilst working part time. I wouldn't judge anyone else though, lockdown taught me that too much time with my younger child wasn't good for either of us!

SpideyWoman1 · 27/09/2023 14:19

I might offend someone here but I also find those who use FT childcare tend to be the ones who struggle when they actually do have their kids. Especially when they have to do essential tasks like appointments, food shopping etc.

I think if someone is struggling to manage having kids and their behaviour taking the full load off someone can be counter-productive in that they never learn coping mechanisms.

Ellie1015 · 27/09/2023 14:24

You want to know the reason so you can decide if they are reasons you consider acceptable like work/illness or unacceptable eg choice/relaxation.

It is judgemental.

newlystyle · 27/09/2023 14:27

thetrainatplatform4 · 27/09/2023 14:14

No it's weird and I'd 100% judge a parent who did this.

Why?