Page 12 | Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

Comeonautumn · 2023-09-27T10:57:56+00:00

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day? NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would. I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this. Completely different if you have to work

Bells3032 · 28/09/2023 16:37

having seen how much my daughter has learnt and how sociable she is compared to friends whose kids aren't at nursery the answer is definitely. though maybe for two or three days a week rather than full time.

Original poster

Comeonautumn · 28/09/2023 17:41

@Bells3032 Lots of my friends stayed home with theirs too, we had so many meet ups (still do now) and groups/activities, they’re all v sociable kids.

OP posts:

asosStalker · 28/09/2023 18:01

Tryingmybestadhd · 28/09/2023 11:35

No , there is nil benefits to putting a baby in school unless there are other issues as home as disabled parents or the child needs extra care

I mean this simply isn’t true @Tryingmybestadhd

Your username suggests you have ADHD. If you have kids, you know how fucking hard it is, especially with neurodiversity. It’s mind numbing at times. You can struggle to get through the tasks that need to be done with an absolute time sponge of a (lovely) child. You don’t get a second to just ‘be’. It’s loud, it’s all consuming and overwhelming.

So yeah, there are some pretty huge benefits to not being velcroed to your child. Like not having a breakdown or losing your shit at them.

In a lovely idyllic, romanticised prehistoric scenario you’d have a ‘village’ and you’d take turns to be foraging or working whilst your children played in between the huts. You’d have multigenerational support networks. The older children would look out for the younger children. But in modern society this doesn’t happen. Our brains aren’t wired for the way we live now, so we do what we have to to get by.

Tryingmybestadhd · 28/09/2023 18:26

asosStalker · 28/09/2023 18:01

I mean this simply isn’t true @Tryingmybestadhd

Your username suggests you have ADHD. If you have kids, you know how fucking hard it is, especially with neurodiversity. It’s mind numbing at times. You can struggle to get through the tasks that need to be done with an absolute time sponge of a (lovely) child. You don’t get a second to just ‘be’. It’s loud, it’s all consuming and overwhelming.

So yeah, there are some pretty huge benefits to not being velcroed to your child. Like not having a breakdown or losing your shit at them.

In a lovely idyllic, romanticised prehistoric scenario you’d have a ‘village’ and you’d take turns to be foraging or working whilst your children played in between the huts. You’d have multigenerational support networks. The older children would look out for the younger children. But in modern society this doesn’t happen. Our brains aren’t wired for the way we live now, so we do what we have to to get by.

Show quote history

But in that case you have an extra need so it’s exactly what I said . If there is no special circumstances for child or parents then I don’t believe there is any benefit

Lifetooshort23 · 28/09/2023 18:50

Not everyday, no. I’ve always done 1 day a week when 1, 2 when they’re 2, 3 when they’re 3, 4 when they’re 4 etc, then school at 5ish!
I think it’s good for them. I have few childhood memories but the ones I have are of huge separation anxiety when it came to school and don’t want that for my kids! It’s worked so far, my eldest just started school and barely looks back at me from the get go. Middle skips happily into the childminder, and the third is happily settled not long after arriving at childminder (currently very clingy to me but has only just started! And I know will soon be fine like her siblings always were.) I think it’s good for them to have that mix of socialising and being away from Mum/Dad in an alternate safe environment, and gives me a break to do something for me/get the house straight! Our childminder however is the absolute best and we are so lucky to have her.

BCBird · 28/09/2023 18:51

For a couple of days maybe but not full time

Growlybear83 · 28/09/2023 18:55

Absolutely not. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my daughter and there's no way I would have sent her to nursery at that age. She learnt far more from being with me than she could ever have done being in a nursery, and benefitted hugely from me being at home with her until she started school. She just went to nursery for two afternoons a week for the two terms before she started primary school, and that was more than enough to get her used to being in a formal education setting.

2crazyboysandstillalive · 28/09/2023 19:08

I was a SAHM and I put my 1DC in nursery when he was 2 - why because he needed that social stimulation it was for 2 days a week it was 1/2 day 8am-1.30pm - he had breakfast and lunch - it also gave me a break to, even more so when I had my 2nd baby. He also learnt more developed more social skills and now at the age of 14 is the most confident and social kid, same with my 2DC went into nursery at 2.5 and dont regret it. Also what works for you as a mum doesnt work for others - you should never judge.

Katy123456 · 28/09/2023 22:00

Personally I wouldn't. Maybe a couple of short days if they were happy there and I loved the nursery.

Ilikeyourdecor · 28/09/2023 22:09

I was in this situation and no, I didn't put dc in nursery. I gave up work to be with dc, not to be away from them all day, and I love it. Nursery is extremely expensive and I don't believe it would have benefited my dc at that age.

I did seriously consider sending dc a few mornings a week when they turned 2.5 and started wanting to play with other children. But there are much cheaper ways to meet other children so we didn't.

We will use the free 15 hrs of pre-school when dc turns 3 as I think it will benefit dc.

ScaryM0nster · 28/09/2023 22:26

Did I?
no.

Should I have done? Probably. Daughter is nearly two and I’ve not yet recovered from pregnancy and birth.

Different things work for different people.

The one thing I’ve never seen do anyone any good is judging others parenting choices.

Parents tend to make choices for reasons that are important to them. They may not be the same things that are important to you.

Some people are happier, better parents when they’re with their child 24/7. For others that same scenario does harm.

You do you, accept other people with do them.

Joeylove88 · 28/09/2023 22:53

I wouldn't judge anyone who decides to put their child in nursery full time at that age. My DD is 10 months old and has just started one day a week at nursery and will be doing a second day soon while I'm at Uni. She's been absolutely fine she's very social and enjoys people watching and being around other people/children. If I was at home though I would probably be considering nursery 2 days a week just to get some time for me and to get things done. Most importantly for my child's benefit she probably likes the break from me too!

deets · 28/09/2023 22:54

Would depend totally on circumstances. I can think of a number of reasons why. Also, having worked in childcare, there are some who would have the child in at 2 days old 24/7/52. On one occasion, a couple dropped their 3 year old in the nursery at the usual time of 8 am, picked her up about 17:45 and informed the staff that they had been to the seaside which was about 70 miles away for the day. We did out of school care and one parent who was a teacher asked if it was alright if she was a bit late as she was taking her class on a day trip. Fine. She was only 15 mins after her normal time and apologised. A lone parent organised for her child to come in whilst she was on holiday, for a few hours so she could decorate. Then she spent the rest of her holiday at home with her daughter.

oksothisisusnow · 28/09/2023 23:57

SpideyWoman1 · 28/09/2023 16:02

Hours? Does the child not just climb out?

Show quote history

Apparently not! I was 😲😲, Mum quickly shut me down when I asked how she knew that her DD was safe, and hadn't choked on her food.
She had lots of strange parenting ideas though.

JustAMinutePleass · 29/09/2023 00:42

I know many wealthy housewives who put their kids into nursery everyday. Most of them have absolutely no other childcare and need their kids out of the house so they can things done for their DH. Most help run businesses / their husband’s lives. Some prioritise their health and use the baby free time to go to the gym and get ahead of their nutrition. If you have the money why not?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 29/09/2023 00:47

Nope! I stayed home specifically to raise them, luckily I enjoyed it so I was ok! Each to their own.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 29/09/2023 00:52

No, I was a stay at home mom.

Holdmysunhat · 29/09/2023 00:56

If I needed a break, yes absolutely! It’s a great idea. Especially 2-3 mornings per week. Anything to bring some relief to the tricky early stages of child rearing!

Totally disagree with PP who says nursery kids are better adjusted and more sociable though. It’s great to work but, let’s face it, most kids do really well with one-to-one attention from a parent who takes them to toddler groups etc. Stay at home parents are absolute heroes. I don’t have it in me!

cherry2727 · 29/09/2023 00:57

What a pointless post!
"Oh I'm not judging but I am just curious as to why someone would that?!"

Op would you like us to reassure that your dc will turn out to be outstanding adults with a bright future whilst your friend's friend will be living on the street and reaping the consequences of going to nursery as babies ??

Coyoacan · 29/09/2023 05:51

Totally disagree with PP who says nursery kids are better adjusted and more sociable though. It’s great to work but, let’s face it, most kids do really well with one-to-one attention from a parent who takes them to toddler groups etc. Stay at home parents are absolute heroes. I don’t have it in me!

Oh, in an ideal world every baby would be delivered into the world by natural childbirth, then be breastfed for two years, stay at home with a wonderful creative mother and have a loving father.

Personally I'm not very creative and quickly run out of ideas of what to do with children. My best friend is the opposite, she has the most wonderful ideas for things to do with small children. So I sent mine to the best nursery I could find and she stayed at home with hers. If I had stayed at home with mine she would not have had half the fun she had in her early years.

inappropriateraspberry · 29/09/2023 06:09

No, not at that age. Once they were 3, definitely - good to learn to be with others, social skills etc.
Why would you want to put a baby in nursery if you didn't have to?

Mamma2017 · 30/09/2023 10:45

It can be an extremely difficult time for some new parents and using childcare can literally be a lifeline. I hope the responses on this thread can help you to gain insight & empathy.

Manthide · 30/09/2023 14:59

Dd2 put her son in nursery a few days a week from 4.5 months so she could get things done. To make sure he had a place from 7 months when dd2 went back to work they had to pay for his place full time from the beginning of that month (almost 3 months from when they needed it).

AllTheChaos · 30/09/2023 15:58

Coyoacan · 29/09/2023 05:51

Totally disagree with PP who says nursery kids are better adjusted and more sociable though. It’s great to work but, let’s face it, most kids do really well with one-to-one attention from a parent who takes them to toddler groups etc. Stay at home parents are absolute heroes. I don’t have it in me!

Oh, in an ideal world every baby would be delivered into the world by natural childbirth, then be breastfed for two years, stay at home with a wonderful creative mother and have a loving father.

Personally I'm not very creative and quickly run out of ideas of what to do with children. My best friend is the opposite, she has the most wonderful ideas for things to do with small children. So I sent mine to the best nursery I could find and she stayed at home with hers. If I had stayed at home with mine she would not have had half the fun she had in her early years.

Exactly! Everyone is different. I have a friend who loves babies and small children, has endless patience with them, and constantly thinks of fun things to do with them. She’s also a trained educator. I find babies and small children incredibly dull, and didn’t know what to do to entertain mine for more than a few minutes. Coupled with the sleep deprivation, and the lack of mum friends anywhere near me, both I and baby were bored and fractious. Ideally I would have been able to work p/t, and have people around who also had small children so we could socialise together, plus lots of things to take baby too, but it just wasn’t like that. At nursery at least she got care from trained professionals, and the presence of other children. And I got to feel a bit less like a complete failure as a parent.

Cyllie33 · 30/09/2023 16:51

What a shitty post.

non judgy my arse.

you clearly don’t think women should have children in nursery under 2 without stopping to consider the myriad of reasons why (many of which people have now posted). I don’t judge people who have children in nursery, but I do judge those who judge other peoples childcare choices.