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Original poster

Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

311 replies

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 11:57

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day?
NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.
I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely
Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this.
Completely different if you have to work

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 27/09/2023 13:10

I did, 2 mornings a week. I was pregnant, DH was in Afghanistan with the army for 7 months... I used the time for medical appointments, to do cleaning, or sometimes just to have a bath! DD2 also went at 18 months... one morning overlapped with her sister at preschool, so I had three hours "off". The other morning I had 1-1 time with DD1.

CassieRole · 27/09/2023 13:11

I did but not until they were two.

habibtiii · 27/09/2023 13:12

It is a nursery, not a gulag.

yaboreme · 27/09/2023 13:14

It's so personal. You don't know what else they have going on in their life stress/ depression/ family issues. Maybe nothing.

Personally I wouldn't because I wanted to be a mum, it was difficult at times especially with lockdowns etc and DS being so small.

At 17 months DS had to go to nursery as I worked 2 days. But that was it. I didn't put him in any extra, started preschool full time from January to prep him ready for school in September.

Everyone is different.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 27/09/2023 13:15

I put my little one in nursery 1 day a week at around 7/8 months and I didn't return to work until she was 12 months when she then went in 3 days a week.

There are many reasons why someone would put their chikd to nursery if they didn't work. We all do what's right for us and our children. It's no one's place to judge or even consider why someone would use a nursery if they're not working. Not your family, not your business.

TheLightProgramme · 27/09/2023 13:18

Nope i wouldn't. But then mine napped & slept etc. I got a couple of hours each day to do things round the house uninterrupted, drink a coffee hot, shower alone etc.

Hufflepods · 27/09/2023 13:18

Personally I wouldn't because I wanted to be a mum

🙄 Women who use childcare aren’t mums and don’t want to be.

BarryK3nt · 27/09/2023 13:20

No, how would you pay for it if you didn’t work? I’d just wait until the 15 funded hours they get at three.

Oliotya · 27/09/2023 13:20

My 1 year old will soon be starting 2 mornings a week at nursery. We can afford it, so why not? We have no family help and DH works extremely long hours. It will be the first time in years that I have any regular time to myself, I would send him more if we could afford it and it's nobody else's business.

colouroftherainbow · 27/09/2023 13:24

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 12:18

I understand a few mornings a week from 3 maybe but at 1 if you don’t have to?
I’d have missed my son 😩I don’t know if I could have sat at home wondering what he was up to

And here is the judgement! Judgey is exactly what you are being.

I loved my mat leave with both children and couldn't get enough of them. We had a nice routine, lots of other Mum friends on mat leave, we could afford activities and it was pre-covid. Other people hated that stage

I found the toddler times dull and mundane. Didn't help that covid and lockdowns spanned both my DC toddler years. I found days really long, occupying them was hard, especially in bad weather. Putting them in childcare for a morning or two gave me my sanity back. I could exercise, shower in peace, sort out the house and just be myself. I have friends who adored that stage and love nothing more than setting up lots of different activities to do with them

We are all different and we all do what works for us and our family

BrandiGlanvilleisanOG · 27/09/2023 13:25

Hufflepods · 27/09/2023 13:18

Personally I wouldn't because I wanted to be a mum

🙄 Women who use childcare aren’t mums and don’t want to be.

Hahaha! Brilliant response.

What a ridiculous thing to say @yaboreme. Please don’t utter this statement again. It’s very offensive to mums who choose to put their child into paid childcare for any and every reason. You’re not better than them for keeping your child at home.

Lentilweaver · 27/09/2023 13:26

Why not? If they liked it. Your missing your DC is irrelevant. People are diffrent and have different DC.
I smell the whiff of Mummy Martyr.

Original poster
Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 13:28

I wasn’t trying to be judgemental, although I can see why some think I am. As I said, I found it so hard too and have no family around. I can see part time, but full
time every day, I just wonder why, maybe there are problems we don’t know about.

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 27/09/2023 13:29

Then you should have put your son in nursery, instead of struggling on and finding it hard.

Iamnotastick · 27/09/2023 13:29

I think everyone is missing the point here.

This isn't about doing it part-time, or when they are older. This is full-time childcare age 1 when its not a work requirement. I know how much of a reprieve childcare is to give mum a break, but five days seems quite extreme and probably an indicator that something else is going on. I would feel quite sad for them tbh.

Lentilweaver · 27/09/2023 13:31

I was in another country and not working much when I had small DC, plus no family help. I hired a daily nanny. Big deal. I could afford it, so I did. I am not interested in being a martyr.

GingerKombucha · 27/09/2023 13:31

My 18 month old has a full time nanny and goes to nursery two mornings a week - it's helpful with socialisation, independance and development and that's a perfectly fine reason in itself.

Daisymae55 · 27/09/2023 13:34

My dd was in nursery from 8 months old because of my work. If I hadn’t needed to go back to work and we could afford it I’d definitely put a 1 year old in for maybe 1 day/2 half days a week. I wouldn’t put her in as young as I did if I didn’t work though.

ive found nursery excellent for her development. She’s also super social and hates being stuck at home so I absolutely would put her in nursery a little bit if I wasn’t working.

Coyoacan · 27/09/2023 13:34

I remember a neighbour of mine, who we could frequently hear screaming at her little one, telling me that she wouldn't put her in a nursery because she had been told that she should enjoy her. The rest of the building really wished, for the little girl's sake, that the mother hadn't felt obliged to pretend that she was enjoying being a mother.

fearfuloffluff · 27/09/2023 13:36

I'm a much better parent to my children when I'm not with them 24/7

Gerrataere · 27/09/2023 13:36

I didn’t for my children, and I wouldn’t have with my eldest. I would have paid £1000 an hour if I could have afforded to for my second at 1, I was broken. He didn’t sleep (still doesn’t but much better), didn’t communicate, screamed everywhere I took him. Nursery would have not only been a break but may well have picked up on his autism much sooner. A decent nursery that is, the first one he went to at 2.5 were awful and sent me into a deeper spiral….

Lentilweaver · 27/09/2023 13:37

I didn''t find the small baby stage and early toddler stage much fun. Dull and mundane describes it. Both were terrible sleepers. DH worked long hours. So I farmed out some of the care to a nanny, so I could read a book, go to the pool, see a friend, or just catch up on sleep, take a shower. If there had been nursery instead, I might have send them there.

UndertheCedartree · 27/09/2023 13:37

I think it would depend on the situation. I put my 2.5yo into nursery a year ahead of needing to as I wanted her to get used to it. She only went 2 mornings, though.

However if my mental health was suffering and I needed a break to be the best mum I could then I probably would consider it. At 1 I'd probably prefer a childminder and hopefully only need 2 or 3 days. But it would depend on the situation.

Preferably I'd have them at home at that age but life doesn't always go to plan 🤷 which I know only 2 well. I had a mental breakdown when mine were 5 and 10 and didn't live with them full time for 3 years. Why don't you reach out and see if she is ok?

storypushers · 27/09/2023 13:41

I did for 2 days a week, was great for me and my son. 5 days seems too much really and must be very expensive.

user123212 · 27/09/2023 13:42

No, personally not. But really depends on the mother's mental health and her supporting cast (other family members).
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https://reactionaryfeminist.substack.com/p/denying-my-existence

“Denying my existence”

Institutions cannot replace the mother's gaze

https://reactionaryfeminist.substack.com/p/denying-my-existence

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