Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

[Comeonautumn]

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day?
NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.
I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely
Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this.
Completely different if you have to work

No, but I wouldn't judge someone for putting their child in for one or two mornings a week for a break or to catch up on cleaning. My sister takes my DD all day on a sat so I get to relax and do a big clean that day. It must be hard to manage all that if you don't have any help so although I miss DD on a sat the help is a god send and I wouldn't begrudge anyone else it.

Though full time if she isn't working I'd be wondering why she wanted children.

100% 1/2 days a week. It would me some me time, even if that’s just to keep on top of the house work.

This article is such a stretch. Nursery is to blame for the increase in trans kids?? What a load of bollocks. There's lot of research to show nursery actually has a beneficial affect on children, www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/children-nursery-home-parents-study-develop-oxford-london-school-economics-a7420986.html

If I didn't work, was financially well off and had young children, I wouldn't put them in to nursery every day, but would for a couple of days a week. Reasons for this? They would have social interactions with other children/adults, have the chance to play and do things they might not get to do at home, and it would give me a chance to get house sorted/run errands, have a bit of time for myself, etc.

I have 4 children between 6 and 1 and a baby on the way. Eldest is in school, others are in pre-school and nursery 5 days a week. We pay for full days and sometimes only use a couple of hours, it depends what we need.

I don't need to work, and don't currently. DH works full time and pulls his weight at home when he's here so they're not in nursery so I can clean or shower! It means they get to socialise, I get time to myself and I can also take them out on individual days out, and be available if they're unwell or don't feel up to nursery. It works for us, wouldn't for others.

But if you’d out them there to keep on top of housework, couldn’t you pay a cleaner and take the dc out for the day-would be cheaper!
By full time I mean 9-4/5 every day

@user123212 This article really got me - a hunch at why adults now need to be constantly validated by strangers
https://reactionaryfeminist.substack.com/p/denying-my-existence

This article doesn't make much sense though. Today's mothers spend more time with their babies and focus on them much more than in generations before. 6 months of exclusive milk feeding, a minimum of 6 months sleeping in the parent's room, the promoting of contact napping, baby classes etc.

How much time do you think a mother from 70 years ago spend gazing at their newborn with 6 other children of various ages, much less household technology and much more drudgery to get through in the day to keep the entire household warm, fed and with clean clothes??

@Comeonautumn I think you need to mind your own business. Worry about your own life and your own kids. How your "friend" chooses to spend her money or parent her child is her business. You are very invested in what she is doing and why. It really doesn't concern you.

@Comeonautumn But if you’d out them there to keep on top of housework, couldn’t you pay a cleaner and take the dc out for the day-would be cheaper!

Why is one more valid than the other in your mind?

Not everyone needs to make all decisions in their life based on the cheapest option.

Housework is not limited to cleaning. An hour of nursery is cheaper than an hour of cleaning. And most importantly, it's none of your business.

I have a friend who’s a SAHM who sends her 18m old son to nursery. It’s partly so she can keep up on housework etc, but mainly because she’s desperately job hunting and knows she won’t be get a nursery place at the drop of a hat when she does find a job, as the good nurseries have a minimum 12 month waiting list.

But she’s fortunate she can afford it because not many people can afford to pay for nursery when they aren’t working.

Totally depends on the child. My first was a bloody nightmare, just screamed. I couldn’t do anything, she wouldn’t sit in the pram, nor the car seat, I couldn’t put her down. It was absolutely horrific and I felt like a prisoner in my own life. She went 2 days a week and even at that age adored being with other children. My youngest is now 1 and the easiest baby ever. I just bring him along, I can go to cafes, dog walks, shopping, and he is a joy to be around.

if you haven’t had that type of child there’s no way you would understand, so don’t be so judgey when you have no idea.

You absolutely are judging though aren't you, with your faux naiveté and wide eyed "I couldn't possibly..."

It's got fuck all to do with you why her son is going to nursery. What matters is they've decided it's best for their family. Nose out.

Since we're "not judging, just asking", didn't you find it mind numbingly tedious being at home full time with a 1 year old?

No. Both of mine stayed home till age 3 when they went 2 days a week, and then went to school for 4 days a week till they were compulsory school age which for them was in year 1.

Yes of course you could. You could do any number of things.

Your friend has chosen one of those options. It's not "wrong" just because you can't see the logic and would have chosen another one in the same circumstances.

@Shadowchaser I strongly believe young children/babies should be with family until they are old enough to tell you there’s something wrong.

So childcare is okay as long as it is provided by grandparents for free?

Ironically a child has more chance of suffering abuse or neglect from a family member than in a nursery setting so this strategy doesn't actually do much to limit that.

I wouldn't sign up for 5 full days a week - but I would totally go for 15 hrs pw - either 3x5hrs or 5x3hrs. It's good for 1-2 yos to start being aware of other kids and being part of a nursery group and it's definitely good for mums to have a bit of respite.

@Hufflepods I honestly believe that for my children 1-1 (or 2-2 in my case) care in a grandparents home is preferable to nursery. I don’t believe my child’s grandparents are a danger because I’ve known them 30 odd years. I actually pretty much am a SAHM bar the odd day a month but in my opinion a bonded family member in a home is a better option than childcare regardless of money. I could have afforded nursery but I don’t think there’s any benefit to the child until almost school age (unless from a home where they don’t get the care or stimulation) hence why it’s always been free for 3+.

It’s always the same on these threads, people get very defensive when nursery is criticised as if those of us who don’t use nursery are lazy and don’t work or just scrounging off family…not the case, sometimes some people just don’t believe it’s in the best interest of the child to be there 30+ hours a week at that age.

Just because someone is paying for a full time place (and can clearly afford it) doesn't mean they are using it.
They are paying for flexibility- being able to use it when it suits them.

Just because they don't have a salaried full time job doesn't mean they don't have things to do. Some (wives especially) unofficial role might be being a visible and presentable wife at functions, may be coordinating a house building project, may be a carer for adult relatives.
Is it not better for a child to be in a nursery setting designed for their needs than dragged round supermarket's and banks, sat in hairdressers and nail salons, being bribed to be quiet and calm?

If I could afford it then yes but only for a few hours per week. It would be beneficial for social skill, speech etc.

But you are criticising nurseryand people that use them, and it makes no sense.
There are hundreds of threads on here about useless grandparents. Grandparents looked after 1 or 2 children 20-30yrs ago ...some will be great, others will be just OK.
Just like parents

A nursery is run by child care professionals, staffed by people that are trained and experienced and love kids, and have all the tools and materials to hand to create fun learning experiences.

It would be extreme arrogance to think I was better at child care than the nursery staff because I have a child...when many of them have kids of their own too, plus years of experience caring for hundreds of different children.

I would like to gently suggest that "friend mentioned that other friend is doing this" is perhaps not the most reliable source of information. So many things might have got lost in the chain. Perhaps your friend is mistaken, perhaps "full time" just means mornings, maybe there's reasons you don't know about (like she's applying for jobs or looking to retrain).

In general I'd send. Mine two mornings a week at that age if I were a SAHM.

I would have been the most negligent parent in the world if I left my child in the care of their alcoholic grandparents. I only did it once, for 45 minutes, and vowed never again.

I totally get it if people have fantastic grandparents in their lives and feel that’s a better option than nursery for their family. But statements like ‘children are better off in the care of grandparents than nurseries’ are just ridiculous (and not supported by statistics).

@Shadowchaser *
It’s always the same on these threads, people get very defensive when nursery is criticised as if those of us who don’t use nursery are lazy and don’t work or just scrounging off family*

I don't think anyone has said anything like that, I do however take issue with your suggestion that nurseries are inherently less safe environments for children who's speech is still developing compared to family members when statistically that is not actually the case. You can feel that way but it doesn't actually make it the reality.

I’d been told she couldn’t have a dairy allergy because she didn’t get a rash, but when I finally got her an appointment with an NHS dietician, they confirmed she had an intolerance. She’d been very vomity, being sick multiple times a night, and cried a lot as was in pain, plus didn’t gain weight as she should have done. Took till she was nearly a year and a half old to get that reference, despite my constantly asking the doctors if it could be an issue with dairy. It still makes me angry how dismissive the doctor was, and I’m still grateful to the doctor who said she would refer her ‘just in case’ as something clearly wasn’t right. I’m also angry that I didn’t listen to my instincts. But I was scared and alone and frightened to do the wrong thing. Good luck, I hope you get to the bottom of it! Do push for referrals to anywhere you think might help, no one knows your baby like you do!