Is it worth having 2 children so that they play together?

[NatMoz]

I have an almost 2 year old (2 in December).

I'm feeling more one and done. Right now she sleeps through, has done on and off since 10 weeks and wakes between 7 and 8am.

She was an early walker and is quite lively and a bit of a climber. I keep her active during the week with church groups on my non working days, nursery and childminders the other days.

At the moment we can afford holidays abroad and we can maybe afford one child through private school.

She also is capable of independent play.

We look after her 50:50. There is no primary parent UNLESS my husband works away for a few days occasionally so it's me. I have had long weekends away myself with friends too so again 50:50.

My husband is at the stage where he's discussing a second, main reason being for a playmate.

I don't know if i want a second and I'm not sure playmate is a good sole reason to have one. He claims she will be more work when she's older as we will have to provide undivided attention to her as she will be bored otherwise. I said she would have playdates. I'm sure other mums will bite my hand off to take their child for the day/few hours.

Is playmate really a good enough reason?

I'll be honest and say that a big reason we had a second was because we didn't want them to be alone in this world when dh and I are gone. We have a big age gap but oh how they love each other. My baby wakes up and literally waits for my ds to come and give her a cuddle. She is over the top excited when he gets home from school. The first thing when he gets home is rushes in to go see her. The other day he had her on his lap and reading to her. He's just 7 and she's almost 1. Makes the tough times worth it.

I think that’s quite a strange reason — are you so skeptical that your children will be able to make close friends and have a sustaining circle of unrelated people around them in adulthood? Or are you not good at friendships yourself?

It's a good reason, but you don't have to, know plenty that it's ok without.

I will only be connected to a sibling whilst we have parents alive. We have no connection after that.

Two children is double the work of one and three children is triple the work! So if you don’t like that idea don’t have them. They may or may not get on.

Please don't have a child for a 'purpose' as such - have one because you actively want another child.

@MaudGonneOutForAFag what a bitchy response

I think it is a good reason, if you extend ‘playmate’ to mean ‘companion through life’.

Of course there is no guarantee that they will get along, either as children or adults. There are obviously unknowns in every relationship though, and just because they don’t get along in one life stage doesn’t mean it will always be that way (and vice versa of course).

Personally, as somebody whose siblings are 5 and 12 years older than me, we weren't particularly close in childhood due to the age gap, but as adults we are important parts of each others’ support network, especially when it comes to major life events.

My mum is 80 and my uncle 83, I think their relationship is closer now than it has ever been. They have lived very different lives, but now they are both long retired, one is widowed, their own children flown the nest, their parents also sadly long gone, having such a longstanding relationship with each other, shared childhood experiences and points of reference, is so valuable to them.

It doesn’t work out that way for everyone of course, and of course this does not make your reasons for not wanting a second any less valid. Just hoping to highlight that a sibling relationship is for life, and will hopefully endure and continue to evolve into adulthood and long after you are gone.

Don’t have one just to be a playmate. They may not get on. If you’re done with one just stop. There’s been many threads on here extolling the virtues of one that you can use as counter arguments to your DH