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Original poster

Is it worth having 2 children so that they play together?

209 replies

NatMoz · 27/09/2023 06:00

I have an almost 2 year old (2 in December).

I'm feeling more one and done. Right now she sleeps through, has done on and off since 10 weeks and wakes between 7 and 8am.

She was an early walker and is quite lively and a bit of a climber. I keep her active during the week with church groups on my non working days, nursery and childminders the other days.

At the moment we can afford holidays abroad and we can maybe afford one child through private school.

She also is capable of independent play.

We look after her 50:50. There is no primary parent UNLESS my husband works away for a few days occasionally so it's me. I have had long weekends away myself with friends too so again 50:50.

My husband is at the stage where he's discussing a second, main reason being for a playmate.

I don't know if i want a second and I'm not sure playmate is a good sole reason to have one. He claims she will be more work when she's older as we will have to provide undivided attention to her as she will be bored otherwise. I said she would have playdates. I'm sure other mums will bite my hand off to take their child for the day/few hours.

Is playmate really a good enough reason?

OP posts:
felisha54 · 28/09/2023 08:37

I'm one of 5 and have an only dd12. She has never asked for a sibling apart from when she was 3 and she wanted a baby sister. She's never lonely and is very sociable. You do have to make more effort though to facilitate social things. She's lucky she has same sex and age cousins so weekends are usually sleepovers at one house or another. Of her cousins both have siblings of the opposite sex and there's quite an age gap, so whilst they get on they have no common interests.

Of my friends who have 2dc, only one sibling group get on and are very cute together. The other 3 fight like cat and dog.

Portakalkedi · 28/09/2023 09:38

Absolutely not. You should not have a child just because you wish it to serve a particular purpose.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 28/09/2023 10:57

I have identical twins and even they never played together reliably.

Having a second for a playmate is a bad idea.

Laguerita · 28/09/2023 11:09

My DH is an only child and now that his parents are elderly their care will fall on him (and also then me) and care of their home and finances etc etc etc. It’s a lot and I dread the upcoming years. I wish he had siblings to share this with.

This can be an issue but like pretty much every aspect of this it can also go both ways! I am starting to get to this point now and my brother and I are already falling out over how best to handle things.

I love him, and we in some ways do have a good relationship, but we fought like cats and dogs growing up (my parents certainly couldn’t leave us to entertain each other, it was more like refereeing/ trying to prevent bloodshed) and now that we’re getting to the difficult bit with parents and other elderly relatives it is to be honest quite awful, far from being support it is really upsetting. I don’t know whether we will be able to maintain a relationship in the long term even.

All of this depends so much on the individuals and you can’t really predict that.

Appleblum · 28/09/2023 11:18

It really depends on your luck I think. I knew I wanted another child and I wanted them to be close in age so that they could play together. My two DDs are one year apart and they are so close to each other, they often tell me they wish they were twins so that they could be in the same class together! (They already do everything together)

I do have friends whose children are not as close though so I don't think it's really something you can control.

Gowlett · 28/09/2023 11:28

There’a all sorts of pros & cons to having a kid / kids in general. I’d say have another if YOU want to have one.

FlitterBug · 28/09/2023 11:53

I contemplated an only child when my firstborn was little. I asked some of my only child friends and I will say all of them said that when they were older they missed having that someone especially if an older parent was ill or passed away!

Lorralorr · 28/09/2023 16:45

As children they’d be playmates but you’d also be giving them both a lifelong gift. Out of curiosity are you an only child OP? Or do you get on with your siblings?

I have two and ‘playmate’ wasn’t my only reason but it did factor in, that I wouldn’t have wanted my eldest to be on his own, especially in later life when he doesn’t have parents any more. It’s lovely to have someone throughout life. So I think it’s a good reason, if not a good only reason.

I have to say, some of my favourite bits of being a parent have been watching my two sons form their little bond and interact with each other - it’s been amazing (they are 1 and 3).

Jllllllll · 28/09/2023 19:35

Don’t have an only child. Not nice for anyone. Short term long term gain for them.

Lemonpledge · 28/09/2023 19:38

I stuck with one child and just put extra effort into arranging social opportunities for her and her friends. Far, far easier than having a second child!

YourNameGoesHere · 28/09/2023 19:42

Jllllllll · 28/09/2023 19:35

Don’t have an only child. Not nice for anyone. Short term long term gain for them.

That's quite the stupid comment and massive generalisation. Did you even stop to think before making such a curt comment that lots of women on this site would love to have had more than one child but couldn't. Thankfully I'm sure they are raising those only children to be much more mindful of others.

WaitingfortheTardis · 28/09/2023 19:43

@Jllllllll Im afraid you sound rather ignorant, siblings do not define a person.

User1539721 · 28/09/2023 19:44

Play together, my brother used to chuck Lego at me, is that what you mean.

Danielle9891 · 28/09/2023 20:07

There will be nearly 3 years gap between my 1st and 2nd child. I was thinking I was 1 and done for a while.

I choose to have a second as I remember all the Christmases, Easters and holidays playing with my siblings and I want that for my child. Even now it's nice knowing I've got siblings to talk to if anything was to happen to my parents.

I remember mentioning once at a mums and tots group how clingy my daughter was being and I got a load of 'an only child is a lonely child'. So maybe it's true that kids play and entertain each other but I also remember me and my siblings fighting and causing more work for my parents as well.

bookworm14 · 28/09/2023 20:32

Jllllllll · 28/09/2023 19:35

Don’t have an only child. Not nice for anyone. Short term long term gain for them.

It’s only on mumsnet that I ever encounter pig-ignorant bullshit like this. You don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about.

Beezknees · 28/09/2023 20:37

Jllllllll · 28/09/2023 19:35

Don’t have an only child. Not nice for anyone. Short term long term gain for them.

That's bollocks, I'm an only child and perfectly happy with it.

muddyford · 28/09/2023 20:38

My sister and I fought and argued more than playing together. I even threw something hard at her and she had to be taken to A&E. But decades on and we are very close, so definitely long-term gain.

kikisparks · 28/09/2023 20:48

Jllllllll · 28/09/2023 19:35

Don’t have an only child. Not nice for anyone. Short term long term gain for them.

Oh ok because you have said so I’ll use my savings on more IVF, and if I do fall pregnant I will carry and birth a human being being that neither my husband nor I want, at great detriment to our mental health and marriage, because that will be very nice for everyone.

User1539721 · 28/09/2023 20:55

I didn't really have much to do with my brother and still don't, I see him once a year at Christmas, he lives about 5 miles away. DH has 3 siblings he hardly sees.

kikisparks · 28/09/2023 20:56

Only good reason to have a second child is because you want one. They are a human being not a gift to be bestowed on your first child as a companion, or a carer to look after you in your dotage.

Make good arrangements for your old age, save to pay for carers, be willing to go into a residential care home if need be, have a good power of attorney and, if you feel appropriate when it gets to a certain stage, DNR. I want my daughter to spend her middle age enjoying her life and, if I’m still alive and she wants to, visiting me occasionally, not having to care for me. Then I want her to fully have whatever inheritance I manage to preserve. I have witnessed the decline of the elderly parents of a sibling group a few times and the majority of the time it predominantly falls on one person. My FIL did absolutely everything, his brothers did nothing, but he had to split the inheritance 3 ways when his parents passed.

bookworm14 · 28/09/2023 20:57

kikisparks · 28/09/2023 20:48

Oh ok because you have said so I’ll use my savings on more IVF, and if I do fall pregnant I will carry and birth a human being being that neither my husband nor I want, at great detriment to our mental health and marriage, because that will be very nice for everyone.

Show quote history

Yes, you’d better get on it, Kikisparks - after all, what are your health, finances and sanity in comparison to that sacred sibling bond? 🙄

Belltentdreamer · 28/09/2023 21:03

Well I have two and they are best friends and wouldn’t be without each other - one of the loveliest things about having them is seeing them together. They do squabble too!

but I’m an only child and had a wonderful childhood so the idea that an only is lonely etc is rubbish.

I really wanted a second child so I had one - if you don’t want a second don’t do it. You’re first child will have a lovely childhood either way.

Mummytotheboy · 29/09/2023 08:41

My friend has 2 boys 2.5 years apart. They don't play together and neither are independent players with different interests so she has her hands full. My OH has a brother just under 2 years apart. They don't get on, don't like each other and when they where teenagers couldn't be left together as the youngest would beat the crap out my OH. They are civil now for the most part and that's mainly because we have a son and he has a daughter 18 months apart and they adore each other.

Lollipop81 · 29/09/2023 12:13

Honestly mine are 4 and 5 and I do often think how lonely they would be without each other to play with all the time 😂😂 and yes of course they fight too.
however, if you don’t want another child then you shouldn’t be forcing it for any reason, if you are happy as you are. You have to really want one yourself, if you don’t then don’t do it, although I don’t think you ever regret having children when they are here.
good luck

Escaperoom · 29/09/2023 17:52

As others have said you shouldn't have a 2nd child just as a playmate for child 1 as they may or may not get along. Also I would say that 2 kids is more than twice the work of 1! (although this might be because I only had 14mths gap between mine!) Having said this they did get on well especially when they were very small, less so in the in-between years, but are good friends now as adults, though very different in lifestyles etc. I am also glad to think they will still have each other when my DH and I are no longer here. But if you feel you are one and done then that is perfectly valid too.

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