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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it worth having 2 children so that they play together?

209 replies

NatMoz · 27/09/2023 06:00

I have an almost 2 year old (2 in December).

I'm feeling more one and done. Right now she sleeps through, has done on and off since 10 weeks and wakes between 7 and 8am.

She was an early walker and is quite lively and a bit of a climber. I keep her active during the week with church groups on my non working days, nursery and childminders the other days.

At the moment we can afford holidays abroad and we can maybe afford one child through private school.

She also is capable of independent play.

We look after her 50:50. There is no primary parent UNLESS my husband works away for a few days occasionally so it's me. I have had long weekends away myself with friends too so again 50:50.

My husband is at the stage where he's discussing a second, main reason being for a playmate.

I don't know if i want a second and I'm not sure playmate is a good sole reason to have one. He claims she will be more work when she's older as we will have to provide undivided attention to her as she will be bored otherwise. I said she would have playdates. I'm sure other mums will bite my hand off to take their child for the day/few hours.

Is playmate really a good enough reason?

OP posts:
Dontcallmescarface · 27/09/2023 07:30

I am the middle 1 of 3. I have no recollection of ever playing with my siblings....plenty of being ignored and low-level bullying by them though. As for either of them being any help with elderly parents (and organising funerals), well that's a joke. It was all down to me for both parents.

My experience growing up with them was 1 of the (many), reasons DD is a single child.

whereisthecheese · 27/09/2023 07:30

angsanana · 27/09/2023 07:13

I don't think your husband is expressing himself in the most elegant way, but I do think he has a point. We had two - not so the first had a "buddy" but as we wanted to be a foursome not a threesome. I'll get crucified for saying this but many only children I know are quite socially odd. That may be covid though...

Literally half our school class are only children. You couldn't differentiate between them. I don't want to crucify you at all but that comment seems really unkind (equally if i think of my peer group, you couldn't tell which are only children and which aren't)

Ponderence · 27/09/2023 07:31

I have 2 with about 2 years between them. They play together, they are sometimes good friends. But then they are also horrid to each other and fight. But yes I do know people with only children and they seem very full on in terms of needing parental input.

2 children is also 2x as expensive, 2 lots of mat leave close together will affect your job/ career. Have two lots of need, two homework, 2 dinner preferences etc etc

Im glad I had 2 but yeah don’t have another for play date reasons x

whatkatydid2013 · 27/09/2023 07:32

Echoing others it’s only a good idea if it’s overall what you want to do.

My two are best friends a lot of the time and do play together a lot but they also bicker about really daft stuff and wind each other up.

Signing up for activities and sorting play dates isn’t hard and with two you’ll still do that and the logistics will be more challenging.

RedRobyn2021 · 27/09/2023 07:33

If you're happy with one you should stick with one, it's as simple as that. I can see how tempting it would be and the positives, I kind of wish I only wanted one.

RaininSummer · 27/09/2023 07:34

My sister and I just used to argue and fight all the time and had nothing in common which is still pretty much the case so don't do it for that reason.

Karwomannghia · 27/09/2023 07:34

It could go either way. I have 2 close who are great friends but so many have kids who fight badly. I also have a third after a big age gap who will be a bit of an only as the older 2 move and for her I make sure she can have friends round (and fortunately we have wonderful neighbours with kids in and out all day). But at those demanding times like bed time and illness she has 1:1 attention!
holidays will need thinking about - again it may be that a friend comes along.

ivfbabymomma1 · 27/09/2023 07:35

I'm an only and I was given some amazing opportunities as a child. Now as an adult I have my own family (only child) and husband. I have a tight nit group of friends, my son has play dates! We are anything but lonely. I also get a lot of help from my parents. Growing up my parents always went on holiday with friends who had kids so I had someone to hang out with. Which is definitely probably more effort than just going away as a family. There's pros and cons to eve thing.

DinoDaddy · 27/09/2023 07:37

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ivfbabymomma1 · 27/09/2023 07:39

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How would you know someone was an only child without asking them?

whatkatydid2013 · 27/09/2023 07:42

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That’s just utterly ridiculous.

BookishBabe · 27/09/2023 07:43

I have a 4 and 6 year old.
Same thinking, everyone said they'd play together, have similar likes and be amazing to grow up together.

All they do it fight, argue, shit stir, refuse to share.
Sometimes me and DH have to have 1 each to keep them separate.

Maybe when they're 11 and 14 it'll be different, but at this point I doubt it.

bookworm14 · 27/09/2023 07:44

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Oh fuck off, you twat. I don’t care if I get deleted. And people wonder why the parents of onlies get defensive. Give your child a sibling or they’ll turn into a serial killer!!

OP, have a second child if you want one and feel broody for one. That’s the only reason to do so.

Christmasbroughtmeback · 27/09/2023 07:44

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Charles Manson had a sister. Myra Hindley had a sister. Harold Shipman had a brother and sister. 🙄

DynamicK · 27/09/2023 07:46

My dc get on great. They're very close, have fun together, watch films together, they'd play together constantly.
I had lots of time where they'd be playing in the garden, playing with toys or watching tv together and I'd just do my own thing.
They were happy to go for a walk or the park because they had each other.

I still dont think that's a good reason to have another dc because there are no guarantees.

Ragwort · 27/09/2023 07:47

Dino what a ridiculous comment .. you can't possibly relate all only DC to Lucy Letby.

My DM is an only DC ... even as a (very!) mature woman she is the most sociable, outgoing person I know ... never has difficulty making new friends, still in touch with friends (those that haven't died ☹️) from school and college days.

We had an only DC (by choice) ... he is also sociable, confident and outgoing. We never felt 'pressurised' into having to entertain him ... we all did things as a family or split by interest ... just as most families do and he could also amuse himself. He was/is very sporty so lots of evenings/weekends involved in sporting activities with his friends... if anything it was a lot easier than having to split parenting duties between more than one DC. I have seen friends run ragged trying to support different interests in their DC.

And don't assume that having siblings means care for elderly DPs is shared ....

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 27/09/2023 07:47

And all the parents of two plus children laughed.....and once the laughter died down said "no" 🤣

Mine, 2 girls and 1 boy, fought, laughed, played together, caused havoc, cried and fought some more. Life was never just peaceful.

For clarity on ages.
Youngest Boy, 21 months between middle girl, then 7 years between eldest girl.

But they are all grown and left home, so I have some sanity back.

klhfd · 27/09/2023 07:47

No. 3 year gap, same sex, fight like cat and dog, makes our lives really stressful. I obviously have no regrets and love them both endlessly, individually, but they are not, nor have they ever been, play mates; they are adversaries despite trying so very hard to avoid that. The value they bring each other is quite limited. Never have a child for the sole reason of providing a play mate.

ProfessionalCornflake · 27/09/2023 07:49

My 2 dc are very close in age but very rarely get along. Hopefully they'll be fine once they're older but right now will hardly ever play together. It's more just me breaking up constant petty arguments. I actually think my eldest would have been far better as an only. I'm an only child and it did me no harm at all. Don't let that be your reason for having another child!

LittlePlumTree · 27/09/2023 07:50

Children are different. All mine do is fight

cheezncrackers · 27/09/2023 07:54

No, it's not a good reason. Many siblings don't play together, many fight a lot and cause a lot of grief to each other and their parents, many actually have nothing in common - sharing the same parents is no guarantee that DC will be alike in their personalities. Of course, there are siblings that get on great, but you will have no idea in advance whether your DC will fall into that category or not. Have a second DC if you really want a second DC, but if you feel you're done with one, then feel secure in your decision.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 27/09/2023 07:56

BusyBees1234 · 27/09/2023 06:55

Bringing a second child in to the world purely to provide entertainment to your first child sounds like an awful idea. It's why most people have a second child though which I've always found bizarre

It certainly isn't why most people have a second child, where did you get that from?

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 27/09/2023 07:57

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What the fuck!

IHopeThisFindsYouWell · 27/09/2023 07:57

Mine do fight and bicker a lot. They also play together loads and help each and teach each other loads.

I am not against only children AT ALL. In some ways it looks pretty great. I think for me it's the intensity (can't think of a better word) that comes from the dynamic of one child and 2 adults. It wouldn't suit us. The kids in our family are a wee gang, they have each other AND they have us. And it's amazing. I hope they are close as adults - DH and I are still close to our siblings.

cheapskatemum · 27/09/2023 07:58

I remember when I was pregnant with DC2 so soon after DC1 (there's 17 months between them), thinking how nice, they can play together. DS2 has ASD and is non verbal. Though they have a lovely bond, they rarely played together. DS1 was just 3 when DS3 was born and they mostly fought all their childhood - despite my best efforts! DS4 is 3 years younger than DS3 & they then fought throughout their childhood. It certainly disabused me of the "siblings playing together" notion. Now they're all adults, 1, 3 & 4 are thick as thieves & get along really well, whilst taking time to visit their disabled sibling who's in residential care & take him out.