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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it is actually mostly men?

1000 replies

Nolpp · 26/09/2023 18:48

Maybe I didn’t get the memo in the past but in the last year or so I’ve been so bitterly disappointed by make behaviour. I look back and wonder if it was always this way but I’m only just noticing. I think part of it is I recently became a single parent and so I’ve had more dealings with men than I would usually, as I’ve had to speak to insurance companies, take car for MOT etc. Obviously I did some of these things before and I know women also work in these places but overall I am having more interaction with men.

Examples…

Driving. Whenever a car is right up behind me it is ALWAYS a man driving. I drive at the speed limit, not under, so presumably they think speed limits don’t apply to them.

I recently donated to a sponsorship for cancer research, an old school friend, quite literally not spoken in over two decades. He then messaged me to thank me for the donation and followed it up with a question about sex and positions he can do after his surgery. Why would anyone think that’s ok?

A colleague, well respected in his industry, tells me when drunk on a night out that he wishes all women conformed to the way of the 50s and stayed at home. He wasn’t joking.

In Sainsbury’s a week ago, a man grabbed my arse in a queue, I was shocked and stepped to one side, didn’t know what to do and said get the fuck away from me. I was next up for the till and the man behind the till said he does it to everyone !!! What the actual fuck? He did follow up to say they had tried to ban him from the shop. I cried in the car afterwards, it was awful.

Waiting for the baby changing unit in Mc Donnalds. A man eventually emerges, mutters sorry but he couldn’t wait, and looked sheepish. He wasn’t unwell, he was downing a Mc flurry when I came out.

Around 7 years ago I used to date someone who had recently got a job as a Judge in the family courts. He was very young to have got this job and in part it was to do with his father being a judge in the same court. Anyway one day we were talking about how money is worked out in a divorce and he said ‘it’s disgusting, women expect to be paid out after staying at home doing nothing with kids for fifteen years, so rather than getting a job of their own they steal the x husband’s pension.’ I am ashamed to say I laughed and agreed with him. I had a good job with no interest in giving it up so I felt I was compatible with this man who I now see was a bit of a monster.

I honestly feel like men make up the bulk of shit behaviour. It probably sounds dramatic but I actually feel sad about it, genuinely sad. And embarrassed that it’s taken me until this late in life to see it.

Yes, I know it’s not all men.

Rant over.

OP posts:
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24
Nolpp · 26/09/2023 18:48

*by male behaviour

OP posts:
Mrsphilmiller · 26/09/2023 18:51

I completely agree with you.

coxesorangepippin · 26/09/2023 18:55

He then messaged me to thank me for the donation and followed it up with a question about sex and positions he can do after his surgery. Why would anyone think that’s ok?

^

Jesus

WanderingWitches · 26/09/2023 18:57

Agree with you
You only have to read a newspaper to see that most horrific crime is committed by men.

GoodDayGood · 26/09/2023 18:57

YANBU

You will be told you are being unreasonable soon enough and how their boyfriends/husbands/sons aren’t like that and it’s the men you hang out with, bla bla ba.

One thing that makes me known men do not like women / view women as worthy of human rights is the sex industry, all the porn, strippers, OF, prostitutes.
All that misery would end today, if men would stop hating women / feel so entitled to sex.

Cerealforever · 26/09/2023 18:58

Yep, same here. Older I got more I could see it. Maybe because having kids made me realise how most men just don’t step up and take their equal share of the load. Maybe because I saw how many men try to rip off their own kids by getting out of paying for them at separation. Maybe because I saw how many men try to rip off their wives in divorces and how other men, men I liked, support them in this.

The worst is my latest experience that I can’t even write about, I’m so upset. Basically a cold, calculated pathological liar who abuses women but comes across so genuinely as Mr Nice guy.

Cerealforever · 26/09/2023 19:01

GoodDayGood · 26/09/2023 18:57

YANBU

You will be told you are being unreasonable soon enough and how their boyfriends/husbands/sons aren’t like that and it’s the men you hang out with, bla bla ba.

One thing that makes me known men do not like women / view women as worthy of human rights is the sex industry, all the porn, strippers, OF, prostitutes.
All that misery would end today, if men would stop hating women / feel so entitled to sex.

Oh God and this! The rise of internet porn just showed that so many fucking men like wanking to women being abused and degraded! Yes, this! I used to think the shit men were o et there somewhere and there were only a few of them. But actually there are loads of them all around, all the time. I now honestly think an awful lot of men would rape and abuse women if they could get away with it.

Nolpp · 26/09/2023 19:02

My child’s father earns very well, doesn’t contribute towards nursery and goes exactly by cms… never even sees her. He’s despicable. In our relationship he tried to make me give up my career because ‘I didn’t know what he was capable of.’ He meant work wise, but sadly it applied to many other awful things. Absolute scumbag.

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 19:02

Course it is. But you will soon get a flood of NAMALTS. Most of the violence in the world is male violence, or committed by females who have no choice because of male violence.

Lovetotravel123 · 26/09/2023 19:06

Definitely agree with the driving. Where are they rushing to?!

PlipPlopChoo · 26/09/2023 19:09

In my experience it is mostly men tailgating and cutting in late and things like that. Whereas it is mostly women blocking road junctions and generally having shite positional awareness.

GrumpyPanda · 26/09/2023 19:10

YABU for not calling the police after the Sainsbury incident - in particular since the prize specimen in question is apparently known to them by name. But the fact the store knows and never pushed for criminal responsibility is even more awful.

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 19:11

I am so sorry about the Sainsbury incident, OP.

VesperLynne · 26/09/2023 19:15

Sorry, in my experience most of the shit drivers are women.

Gimjam · 26/09/2023 19:15

Some men even like to sexually abuse and murder dogs

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 19:18

VesperLynne · 26/09/2023 19:15

Sorry, in my experience most of the shit drivers are women.

Way to miss the main point OP is making.

OuiRagamuffin · 26/09/2023 19:19

Interesting about the pension. I split up with a man for not having the cop on to realise that his xw hadn't stolen half his pension. We got in to heated discussions about it, I said it"s pay for children "now" ie, childcare, or pay later, ie less pension. Less pension in retirement if u split, less pension in retirement if their was only one income to take pension contributions from, but either way it is having children that cost the pension(s).

I dumped him. It turned me right off him.

I later ended up working in pensions and that only compounded my conclusions.

FrondlessFern · 26/09/2023 19:20

Germaine Greer once said that women have no idea how much men hate them.
And yes, I know NAMALT, but fucking LOADS of them are.

NotTooOldPaul · 26/09/2023 19:23

I am a man. I am married. I am 76 years old.

I don't know which part of the original post makes me most angry. "In Sainsbury’s a week ago, a man grabbed my arse in a queue," is a good place to start. If anyone did that to me one of us would end up in hospital. Sainsburys should have offered their CCTV footage and called the police after that assault.

The baby changing in McDonalds makes my blood boil. My wife is in a wheelchair, and we often need to wait to use a toilet for the disabled because some man can't be bothered going upstairs to the gents. I also ask why they piss over the seat, so I need to clean it.

Regarding the "It’s disgusting, women expect to be paid out after staying at home doing nothing with kids for fifteen years". I've got 4 children and fostered a load more over the years. Looking after children properly is hard work, it is not a nice easy 9 to 5 job, it is full on 24/7. If the father will not change half the nappies, deal with half the tantrums etc he should pay a massive amount to the woman who does.

I'm sorry if this was a rant but the post made me so angry.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/09/2023 19:27

I agree, I am so regularly disappointed with men, not as romantic partners but just as beings. An uncomfortable number of them are utterly shit and or dangerous.

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

frazzledasarock · 26/09/2023 19:29

I have a friend who is a male family solicitor. He’s always maintained that all men are cunts. And he means it.

I used to think he was joking but he is deadly serious.

I suppose having dealt with family matters in court for several decades it does make you sit up and notice.

Gettingbysomehow · 26/09/2023 19:30

Men are vile. I avoid them like the plague. They may as well be another species.

frazzledasarock · 26/09/2023 19:30

A lot of inventions and innovations are given credit to men because women weren’t acknowledged when they discovered and created in their scientific fields.

Nolpp · 26/09/2023 19:30

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

@Delmedio most inventors and innovators because women have to fight for the same space and still don’t have equal rights where having children are concerned.

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