To think it is actually mostly men?

[Nolpp]

Maybe I didn’t get the memo in the past but in the last year or so I’ve been so bitterly disappointed by make behaviour. I look back and wonder if it was always this way but I’m only just noticing. I think part of it is I recently became a single parent and so I’ve had more dealings with men than I would usually, as I’ve had to speak to insurance companies, take car for MOT etc. Obviously I did some of these things before and I know women also work in these places but overall I am having more interaction with men.

Examples…

Driving. Whenever a car is right up behind me it is ALWAYS a man driving. I drive at the speed limit, not under, so presumably they think speed limits don’t apply to them.

I recently donated to a sponsorship for cancer research, an old school friend, quite literally not spoken in over two decades. He then messaged me to thank me for the donation and followed it up with a question about sex and positions he can do after his surgery. Why would anyone think that’s ok?

A colleague, well respected in his industry, tells me when drunk on a night out that he wishes all women conformed to the way of the 50s and stayed at home. He wasn’t joking.

In Sainsbury’s a week ago, a man grabbed my arse in a queue, I was shocked and stepped to one side, didn’t know what to do and said get the fuck away from me. I was next up for the till and the man behind the till said he does it to everyone !!! What the actual fuck? He did follow up to say they had tried to ban him from the shop. I cried in the car afterwards, it was awful.

Waiting for the baby changing unit in Mc Donnalds. A man eventually emerges, mutters sorry but he couldn’t wait, and looked sheepish. He wasn’t unwell, he was downing a Mc flurry when I came out.

Around 7 years ago I used to date someone who had recently got a job as a Judge in the family courts. He was very young to have got this job and in part it was to do with his father being a judge in the same court. Anyway one day we were talking about how money is worked out in a divorce and he said ‘it’s disgusting, women expect to be paid out after staying at home doing nothing with kids for fifteen years, so rather than getting a job of their own they steal the x husband’s pension.’ I am ashamed to say I laughed and agreed with him. I had a good job with no interest in giving it up so I felt I was compatible with this man who I now see was a bit of a monster.

I honestly feel like men make up the bulk of shit behaviour. It probably sounds dramatic but I actually feel sad about it, genuinely sad. And embarrassed that it’s taken me until this late in life to see it.

Yes, I know it’s not all men.

Rant over.

👍🏻

I knew Lucy Letby would be referenced. Do you know how rare women murderers are? I can dig up the stats if you want, but male violence is far more common.

Nobody said women are perfect. They are just better than men. Mostly. On a population level.

That's because during that time, men were completely unaccountable for anything they did. Women were property, and men did as they pleased, if they pleased, and society expected women to grovel and beg and live on a steady diet of shit sandwiches while men lived the high life. Men who say garbage like that will also say that staying home with children or being a housewife isn't a real job. Those men have ZERO respect for child rearing and ZERO respect for women. They want absolute and unaccountable power over women and zero accountability for themselves.

I agree. I love my husband, son, father, brother and grandfather. They are all of them good men. I feel blessed to have them. My husband always says that women should rule the world. It would be a better place.
That said, the majority of evil, arrogant and just plain nasty behaviour in the world, comes from men.
Remembering how grown men would cat call out to me and proposition me when I was age 12+ is actually disgusting. These were probably family men themselves. And that wasn't even the worst of it. It was just the 'socially acceptable' stuff. The stuff that has been forgiven as just 'boys will be boys' for too long. Read a few comments in most comment sections of stories on social media. The really vile ones usually come from men.
They are just so arrogant. Womens rights and recognitions are being slowly stripped away... again by men! A different type of man, but a male all the same.

I don't think men stick together though. A select group of them do, and then stamp on everyone else.
However, apart from the sexism rudeness, entitlement, etc etc I find to not be an exclusively male issue.
People are just rude and selfish in general.

Again, for the hard of reading, definitely agree that most violent behaviour, systemic inequality etc due to men. But in my daily life I can't claim that most bad behaviour which impacts me, is from men.

As you said... even on here... so much sniping between WOHM and SAHM.

In response to the post about how it’s only men doing dangerous jobs etc.

I’m a woman who spent 5 years working as a paramedic in a hazardous area response team. I was trained to enter and work in burning smoke filled buildings wearing breathing apparatus, in wearing gas tight suits and CBRN, confined spaces, working at height, swift water rescue, rescues from cars in water etc etc. The training, entry criteria and assessment process was exactly the same for all staff. The misogyny, sexism, bullying, and general shitty way men behaved there was the main reason I left. We’re talking rape jokes, deliberating undermining the women in leadership roles, bullying us when we asked for better PPE that fitted our bodies better, bullying us when we asked for better fitting weighted vests for our 6 monthly fitness tests. Putting us on ‘action plans’ for ‘not performing’ in training despite outside instructors and assessors providing reports to the contrary. The manager was no better either. We had a team of 49 at the beginning and only 7 were women. Now they are in double figures but when the first one or two got pregnant…..wow….I won’t even bother explaining how that went.

This sort of thing is in all sorts of these environments from the police, to the fire service, to the armed forces. Yes, women can join, but are they welcomed and treated appropriately? No. They’re not.

I really don't experience this.

As a rule I've found men to be honest and helpful and it's piss easy to get them to do what you want. Just smile and they do whatever you want.

I've never had an unwanted advance, I've never been groped or flashed at or anything.

I feel really sorry for those of you who have had bad experiences but I honestly never have.

I've been physically assaulted 3 times once quite badly injured. All three times by a woman one supposedly a close friend. I would never trust a woman and won't have female friends now because of it.

Men have never been my problem.

The 'better and more right than you' attitude is still there if you break up with them too I still have my baby's dad mansplaining to me left right and centre 😫

I think you are extremely unusual in never experiencing a physical assault from a man @WombatSocks And again, we are not talking individual cases here. We are talking population level assault.

They're not better, they're bad in different ways. Most people are shit, to be honest. The difference is, bad women get called out by all men and good women, while bad men rarely get called out at all, and when they do, it's by women who are immediately labeled as bitter and angry for acknowledging that bad men exist. Even good men run cover for bad men, but good women don't cover for bad women.

Oh and during my paramedic training I was harassed repeatedly on night shifts by men who were supposed to be my mentor.

And men who say they are women, and women who go along with that wankery, can get fucked as well

Sorry for your experiences @PostItInABook but not at all shocked. I expect the poster who was so terribly grateful for firemen being men has left.

I’ve been single for many years and haven’t experienced this at all.

But would many of them be able to earn enough to support this woman? Unlikely

Thanks Herbie. Who's Nigel?

Ah, that's any man who Aren't Like That.

Totally agree op.

You’re late to the party, but welcome! We have all the fun 😉

I don't think there's a lot of violent behaviour and sexual assault from women to 'cover up' in the first place. Like most of the current waves of revelation since #metoo.
For behaviour that's bad, but not really in the above categories (like celebrities mistreating staff) both men and women, in my humble opinion seem to get away with it equally.

Too tired to articulate a more thoughtful response, op, but you are completely correct.

I think about what I need to do to make my son grow up to be kind and emotionally intelligent all the time. Unfortunately I feel like most men learn more from seeing the entitlement of other men in action than they do from their own parents. Then round and round we go.

That's a helpful post ... 🙄

And to top it off a massive load of them abuse or think about abusing children, not all, but a huge amount of them

I have a feeling those posts are not by women.

YANBU

I completely agree.
unfortunately women can be just as bad as well.

I’ll never forget when I started a bar job when I was 21, in my first week one of the men there slapped my arse in front of everyone as I was about to serve someone. I didn’t even know how to respond I was shocked. My colleagues all laughed. The only other girl there said nothing. I felt humiliated. Thats only one example but I have so many more.

I love my husband very much but I know if he had it his way I would do everything at home and our baby despite me working full time. He thought maternity leave was a holiday, even though he moans how hard our child is when he has her alone on the occasion. But when I have her it’s not hard according to him? How does that work?