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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it is actually mostly men?

1000 replies

Nolpp · 26/09/2023 18:48

Maybe I didn’t get the memo in the past but in the last year or so I’ve been so bitterly disappointed by make behaviour. I look back and wonder if it was always this way but I’m only just noticing. I think part of it is I recently became a single parent and so I’ve had more dealings with men than I would usually, as I’ve had to speak to insurance companies, take car for MOT etc. Obviously I did some of these things before and I know women also work in these places but overall I am having more interaction with men.

Examples…

Driving. Whenever a car is right up behind me it is ALWAYS a man driving. I drive at the speed limit, not under, so presumably they think speed limits don’t apply to them.

I recently donated to a sponsorship for cancer research, an old school friend, quite literally not spoken in over two decades. He then messaged me to thank me for the donation and followed it up with a question about sex and positions he can do after his surgery. Why would anyone think that’s ok?

A colleague, well respected in his industry, tells me when drunk on a night out that he wishes all women conformed to the way of the 50s and stayed at home. He wasn’t joking.

In Sainsbury’s a week ago, a man grabbed my arse in a queue, I was shocked and stepped to one side, didn’t know what to do and said get the fuck away from me. I was next up for the till and the man behind the till said he does it to everyone !!! What the actual fuck? He did follow up to say they had tried to ban him from the shop. I cried in the car afterwards, it was awful.

Waiting for the baby changing unit in Mc Donnalds. A man eventually emerges, mutters sorry but he couldn’t wait, and looked sheepish. He wasn’t unwell, he was downing a Mc flurry when I came out.

Around 7 years ago I used to date someone who had recently got a job as a Judge in the family courts. He was very young to have got this job and in part it was to do with his father being a judge in the same court. Anyway one day we were talking about how money is worked out in a divorce and he said ‘it’s disgusting, women expect to be paid out after staying at home doing nothing with kids for fifteen years, so rather than getting a job of their own they steal the x husband’s pension.’ I am ashamed to say I laughed and agreed with him. I had a good job with no interest in giving it up so I felt I was compatible with this man who I now see was a bit of a monster.

I honestly feel like men make up the bulk of shit behaviour. It probably sounds dramatic but I actually feel sad about it, genuinely sad. And embarrassed that it’s taken me until this late in life to see it.

Yes, I know it’s not all men.

Rant over.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
FOJN · 26/09/2023 20:29

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

Critical thinking isn't your forte is it?

Can you think of any reason, any reason at all, that women don't take up as many pages in the history books?

AnnaTortoiseshell · 26/09/2023 20:33

CyberCritical · 26/09/2023 19:39

Yep, I've reached the point where I'm just constantly feeling disgusted and disappointed in men in general. It's so sad and demoralising that I'm no longer surprised by the news reported of celebrity male turns out to be a filthy rapist or animal torturer or wife beater.

I love my husband, he is a good man and I never want to be without him, but if for any reason I do find myself single again I really can't see myself ever looking for another partner. I just wouldn't want to try to find one who isn't horrible.

This sums it up exactly for me.

tescocreditcard · 26/09/2023 20:33

FrondlessFern · 26/09/2023 19:20

Germaine Greer once said that women have no idea how much men hate them.
And yes, I know NAMALT, but fucking LOADS of them are.

She did say that and she was right.

What I don't understand though was how she knew that?

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 20:34

AlwaysGinPlease · 26/09/2023 20:25

That's a helpful post ... 🙄

I don't think any post would be helpful if it wasn't 100% agreeing with OP. These sort of posts aren't a debate. I think posters just want a thread with everyone agreeing that men are scum.

I can remember on another thread that a poster said that if our decent Husbands weren't spending their lives on a crusade to change all men then they were just as bad.

Mybasilplantispastitsbest · 26/09/2023 20:36

I think it’s worth bearing in mind just how short a time in history women have been able to ‘have’ anything - a vote, money, property, the right to bodily autonomy, contraception and the social acceptance to use it, the right to keep working when married (still banned from some parts of the civil service in the 60s).

Imagine if you went to your nice office job and had a drink with your chums at the pub (which was entirely designed for your benefit) then strolled into the house to the societal expectation that your dinner was ready, your house clean, your kids washed and fed, the errands done, and on top of this you got to keep all of the house, the money, the savings, the potential to earn more, the power to decide if your wife could work, the power to give her a good belt if she pissed you off, the knowledge that the police, the hospitals, the judiciary were all full of men just like you. You were at the top of the hierarchy and women had to ‘smile’ at you or charm you to get what they needed. If you raped your wife and she got pregnant she would need to keep it and bring it up and society would smile on you as a good family man - after all, you hadn’t committed an actual crime, had you?

And in my life time (my mother didn’t get the chance to do a levels, unlike my graduate father- what would have been the point? She ‘bettered’ herself by becoming a smart secretary - director’s PA - rather than a shopgirl) women do better at every level of school and uni, and are statistically better surgeons (maybe if the male ones focussed on the job rather than trying to sexually harass their female colleagues?).

I love men, I have delightful ones in my life. But the things above are cold hard facts of life from pretty much time began to a few decades ago.

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 20:36

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 20:34

I don't think any post would be helpful if it wasn't 100% agreeing with OP. These sort of posts aren't a debate. I think posters just want a thread with everyone agreeing that men are scum.

I can remember on another thread that a poster said that if our decent Husbands weren't spending their lives on a crusade to change all men then they were just as bad.

You are wrong there. We want posters to acknowledge that male violence is endemic and a huge problem worldwide., Just like malaria is a huge problem. Saying you haven;t experienced malaria yourself is irrelevant.

thereisnotachance · 26/09/2023 20:37

I've reached the point where I'm just constantly feeling disgusted and disappointed in men in general

Yep, I truly believe most of the world's problems are due to men - their ego, hubris, violence, sex addiction ..... even if you know some good ones there's so many bad ones and all historic systems favour them.

CleverLilViper · 26/09/2023 20:41

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

What is your point?

Do you think firefighters are automatically good people and can't be abusers in their private lives?

Ramalangadingdong · 26/09/2023 20:43

Alittletripdownmemorylane · 26/09/2023 19:54

YANBA especially the bit about men and driving.
I am on the roads a lot and have encountered many road rage incidents and with cars/vans driving up my arse (even like you, I drive at the speed limit not dawdling) and I can always bet my bottom dollar it will be a man at the wheel of the vehicle trying to push me along. Even had one guy (in a van) threaten to slit my throat just because I wouldn’t go over the speed limit for him.
Many men are absolute entitled arseholes.

I was in a car once and these men started verbally abusing a young woman in her car for some reason (can’t remember). They shouted through the window that they were going to kill her. She just sat in her car. I was terrified to get out of mine but didn’t want to drive off and leave her alone. The men drove off, I got out of my car and the poor young woman just broke down. She was in bits. I should have called the police but it was so quick and I was in shock. I comforted her as best I could. It was truely horrible.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 26/09/2023 20:43

What disappoints me the most is that most men I know seem to put women into categories - they might not do certain things in front of women they give some status to, like wives or mothers but are happy to treat others like shit. Of course they may treat all women like shit, but I see others who have two faces and the one they dont show to their families is truly horrifying.

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 20:44

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 20:36

You are wrong there. We want posters to acknowledge that male violence is endemic and a huge problem worldwide., Just like malaria is a huge problem. Saying you haven;t experienced malaria yourself is irrelevant.

I do realise that so OK what do you want me to do to help? I'm not going to say I agree that 95% of men are scum because they aren't.

I have had an abusive boyfriend when I was young & funnily enough my relative nearly died of malaria so Im not ignorant.

LaMadameCholet · 26/09/2023 20:46

lemonaaade · 26/09/2023 20:28

I completely agree.
unfortunately women can be just as bad as well.

I’ll never forget when I started a bar job when I was 21, in my first week one of the men there slapped my arse in front of everyone as I was about to serve someone. I didn’t even know how to respond I was shocked. My colleagues all laughed. The only other girl there said nothing. I felt humiliated. Thats only one example but I have so many more.

I love my husband very much but I know if he had it his way I would do everything at home and our baby despite me working full time. He thought maternity leave was a holiday, even though he moans how hard our child is when he has her alone on the occasion. But when I have her it’s not hard according to him? How does that work?

I’m sorry that happened to you, truly, but why mention that the other girl said nothing. The men between them hit you and laughed. Why single out her silence? It wasn’t her job to protect you.

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 20:47

@PaulaZackMayo you don't need to do anything at all. Beyond the usual that any human being would do.

Bored1000 · 26/09/2023 20:48

I think you have let a few bad encounters with men cloud your view of men in general, I would definitely say there are more good decent men than bad out there and I hate to say it but most of the bad experiences I have had with people have been with women rather than men.

MasterBeth · 26/09/2023 20:50

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

Because if there's one thing men are good at, it's shooting each other.

Firefighters, I am in awe of. Members of the armed forces, not so much. The Musks of the world are cunts.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 26/09/2023 20:51

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 19:40

Keith Lard?

Edited

😂😂😂

BygoneDays · 26/09/2023 20:52

Finally, you realise that men and women are different. They are different biologically, physically and mentally. That brings certain behaviours in play. They do bad things. They also do good things.
Next profound observation?

givemeasunnyday · 26/09/2023 20:53

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

Peak MN indeed. All men are evil, all women are saints.

I don't know any men who behave the way those mentioned by OP do, and I don't believe I have ever met a man who hated women.

Most of the people in life who piss me off are women!

PsychoHotSauce · 26/09/2023 20:54

Loving the "well men invent shit so it's all good really" argument.

Taking aside the lack of education and opportunity, men would straight up steal and take credit for ideas and "inventions" that were first thought of by women. Even the board game Monopoly was created by a woman, stolen by a man, and for decades he took credit for it before throwing a pittance at her to shut the fuck up about it.

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 20:55

I am also loving the "If you smile at a man, he will do anything you want" argument.

Deathbyfluffy · 26/09/2023 20:57

Gettingbysomehow · 26/09/2023 19:30

Men are vile. I avoid them like the plague. They may as well be another species.

You’re vile for making a sexist comment like that - if you can’t see what’s wrong with such a sweeping generalisation, you’re just as bad as those men who’ve made you feel that way.

Deathbyfluffy · 26/09/2023 20:58

Also to add balance - man here.
Victim of domestic abuse by a woman (see my other posts if you don’t believe me) and both car crashes I’ve been involved in were non-fault on my part, and caused by women.

But sure, go ahead and blame men for everything I guess 😅

OspreyLambo · 26/09/2023 20:59

PsychoHotSauce · 26/09/2023 20:54

Loving the "well men invent shit so it's all good really" argument.

Taking aside the lack of education and opportunity, men would straight up steal and take credit for ideas and "inventions" that were first thought of by women. Even the board game Monopoly was created by a woman, stolen by a man, and for decades he took credit for it before throwing a pittance at her to shut the fuck up about it.

Just had a quick Google and while I'm glad that the top tab shows Lizzie Maggie the number of sites with no mention of her.... GRRRR

Deathbyfluffy · 26/09/2023 20:59

givemeasunnyday · 26/09/2023 20:53

Peak MN indeed. All men are evil, all women are saints.

I don't know any men who behave the way those mentioned by OP do, and I don't believe I have ever met a man who hated women.

Most of the people in life who piss me off are women!

At last, a braincell amongst the sea of sheep following the herd!

MintyCedric · 26/09/2023 21:00

I’ve recently gone back to work in a school after a couple of years and completed a child protection refresher course.

Alongside topics such as county lines, domestic abuse and radicalisation there was a section on misogyny.

Pretty horrific that that’s where the world is at currently.

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