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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it is actually mostly men?

1000 replies

Nolpp · 26/09/2023 18:48

Maybe I didn’t get the memo in the past but in the last year or so I’ve been so bitterly disappointed by make behaviour. I look back and wonder if it was always this way but I’m only just noticing. I think part of it is I recently became a single parent and so I’ve had more dealings with men than I would usually, as I’ve had to speak to insurance companies, take car for MOT etc. Obviously I did some of these things before and I know women also work in these places but overall I am having more interaction with men.

Examples…

Driving. Whenever a car is right up behind me it is ALWAYS a man driving. I drive at the speed limit, not under, so presumably they think speed limits don’t apply to them.

I recently donated to a sponsorship for cancer research, an old school friend, quite literally not spoken in over two decades. He then messaged me to thank me for the donation and followed it up with a question about sex and positions he can do after his surgery. Why would anyone think that’s ok?

A colleague, well respected in his industry, tells me when drunk on a night out that he wishes all women conformed to the way of the 50s and stayed at home. He wasn’t joking.

In Sainsbury’s a week ago, a man grabbed my arse in a queue, I was shocked and stepped to one side, didn’t know what to do and said get the fuck away from me. I was next up for the till and the man behind the till said he does it to everyone !!! What the actual fuck? He did follow up to say they had tried to ban him from the shop. I cried in the car afterwards, it was awful.

Waiting for the baby changing unit in Mc Donnalds. A man eventually emerges, mutters sorry but he couldn’t wait, and looked sheepish. He wasn’t unwell, he was downing a Mc flurry when I came out.

Around 7 years ago I used to date someone who had recently got a job as a Judge in the family courts. He was very young to have got this job and in part it was to do with his father being a judge in the same court. Anyway one day we were talking about how money is worked out in a divorce and he said ‘it’s disgusting, women expect to be paid out after staying at home doing nothing with kids for fifteen years, so rather than getting a job of their own they steal the x husband’s pension.’ I am ashamed to say I laughed and agreed with him. I had a good job with no interest in giving it up so I felt I was compatible with this man who I now see was a bit of a monster.

I honestly feel like men make up the bulk of shit behaviour. It probably sounds dramatic but I actually feel sad about it, genuinely sad. And embarrassed that it’s taken me until this late in life to see it.

Yes, I know it’s not all men.

Rant over.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
lemonaaade · 26/09/2023 21:01

LaMadameCholet · 26/09/2023 20:46

I’m sorry that happened to you, truly, but why mention that the other girl said nothing. The men between them hit you and laughed. Why single out her silence? It wasn’t her job to protect you.

I know it’s not her job to protect me. Nor would I expect it.

i didn’t explain I guess but she didn’t even mention it to me either or ask if I was okay when we were alone. Maybe someone to point out to me even later that what happened wasn’t right or if I was alright?

I don’t know what I was wanting but I certainly felt alone and left that place of work about a week later anyway. But I guess again I’m wrong for expecting any acknowledgment or checking in to see if I’m okay.

GreyTS · 26/09/2023 21:02

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

My grandfather was a firefighter ( fire chief of a city actually) my fathers brothers are all army, navy and police.....doesn't stop them being arseholes. The sexism and racism endemic in these organisations would make you sick if you even had the slightest clue

Middleagedbeige · 26/09/2023 21:02

Completely agree! I was in London earlier this year 8 months very visibly pregnant and when using the tube and it was all men between 20-50 years old sat in the seats designated for pregnant/old people and not once did any of them offer the seat to me.

Throwncrumbs · 26/09/2023 21:02

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

I knows ff who is a man, he is also the most entitled man I’ve ever met, he also speaks to his partner like a piece of shit, he’s abusive, so yes he is shit!

Ifyadontaskyoudontget · 26/09/2023 21:05

I refuse to engage with them now , I have to for work but I keep it purely professional.
Just staring straight though them works well.
If I have to have dealings with them, I stomach it just but I will always choose a woman given a choice!

Kernackered · 26/09/2023 21:07

UncleHerbie · 26/09/2023 19:39

Not
All
Men
Are
Like
This

So
So
Many
Are
Though

GreyTS · 26/09/2023 21:07

I love the company of men, was raised surrounded by them, all my hobbies are male dominated. I love my brother and my boyfriend but I have no illusions about them, i think most women would be rightly shocked if they knew the behaviour their fathers, brothers and partners were capable of. Like I said, I love men, but knowing so many of them so well makes it really hard to trust any of them

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 21:07

Ifyadontaskyoudontget · 26/09/2023 21:05

I refuse to engage with them now , I have to for work but I keep it purely professional.
Just staring straight though them works well.
If I have to have dealings with them, I stomach it just but I will always choose a woman given a choice!

What? You don't engage with any man? Do you not have any male friends or relatives?

I find this fascinating.

Deadringer · 26/09/2023 21:08

Now that men can no longer legally own women and use them sexually however they please (in the west at least) they have access to vile misogynistic porn to enjoy by way of compensation. Not all men, but too fucking many.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 26/09/2023 21:08

But that's me out of this one. I can't be arsed to engage further.

Thank fuck.

FabFitFifties · 26/09/2023 21:09

I have also come to the conclusion that if I ever find myself single, I will 100% stay that way. I'm so glad I don't have daughters, and I'm trying very hard to ensure my son turns out to be a decent man. It's hard. I find men to be supremely selfish by nature - even the best ones. My job, working with families, hasn't helped. It's very enlightening.

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 21:13

I refuse to believe Keanu Reeves is a bastard.

Pip1402 · 26/09/2023 21:13

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

Yep, most members of the armed forces are indeed men. It's almost as though armed forces wouldn't need to exist if it weren't for men.

PriOn1 · 26/09/2023 21:14

I’m now single after many years of marriage and I find it very difficult, now and then. I’ve been in situations where its just so obvious the man doesn’t respect women, and has set out to bully me or try to rip me off. And yes, it is always men who do it. Even if it doesn’t happen all the time, you know it could, and that is also unpleasant to live with. I wish it wasn’t that way, but it is.

PsychoHotSauce · 26/09/2023 21:14

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 21:13

I refuse to believe Keanu Reeves is a bastard.

Pfffft he's not a man. He's a god Grin

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 21:15

PsychoHotSauce · 26/09/2023 21:14

Pfffft he's not a man. He's a god Grin

😂he really is.

AzureBlue99 · 26/09/2023 21:16

The fire service has trouble retaining female and BAME firefighters. The prevailing white male dynamic is unwelcoming.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 26/09/2023 21:26

I work in the police and of those who offend, it is mostly male. Germaine Greer was right.

Meowandthen · 26/09/2023 21:28

Deathbyfluffy · 26/09/2023 20:58

Also to add balance - man here.
Victim of domestic abuse by a woman (see my other posts if you don’t believe me) and both car crashes I’ve been involved in were non-fault on my part, and caused by women.

But sure, go ahead and blame men for everything I guess 😅

From your earlier posts in this thread it was obvious you are a man. 🙄

Meowandthen · 26/09/2023 21:31

Deathbyfluffy · 26/09/2023 20:59

At last, a braincell amongst the sea of sheep following the herd!

And here we have a man simply proving the points being made.

You are a misogynist and I suspect I am not the only want who would like you to STFU with this bullshit.

Meowandthen · 26/09/2023 21:32

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 21:13

I refuse to believe Keanu Reeves is a bastard.

Do we really have to reiterate that we know every man isn’t evil.

Also I have met Keanu and he was a delight.

spookehtooth · 26/09/2023 21:33

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

Women were banned from being firefighters until the 1980s, despite them doing the job in one or both world wars. I don't know the history for soldiers, but I imagine there was some fight put up for that as well.

Women played key roles in the development of computer science, but as it started to become considered important. Guess what? Muscled out of that space for a long time. Some areas still have a large male bias. Not many years ago, some quite senior developer at Google gets sacked for writing and sharing a paper about how most women weren't suited for development/IT

Men have taken liberties claiming credit for discoveries and inventions by women too, or just ignoring them as was the case for the woman who first discovered the role of carbon in the atmosphere warming up our planet in the early 1900s. It wasn't something to shout about until decades later .. lots of time lost there

There's so many examples from the long long period of oppression women have suffered, something that's gone on so long nobody is really sure when it actually stared exactly. It's still going on too ...

So, you know, if they get angry once in a while, try listening and understanding WTF is making them so upset

Resilience · 26/09/2023 21:35

My personal and professional experiences have definitely left me with the impression that a sizeable proportion of men are problematic for society in general and women in particular.

I had a lovely father. I have a great husband, some fabulous male friends and a wonderful son. I am no man hater. But it is ignoring the blatant evidence to pretend that male entitlement and violence are not a significant problem.

I get really pissed off when mothers get blamed for raising the next generation of bad men, too. Yes the mothers bear some culpability but it is really fucking hard to counter the myriad ways in which patriarchy undermines even the best mother's attempts to stamp out male entitlement. There were times when I felt all I was doing with my own DC was trying to counter the messages they were receiving from wider society every time they came home from school/clubs/watching TV etc. Fortunately it seems to have worked.

ChristopherTalken · 26/09/2023 21:36

The example I often give is how one day I was merrily strolling to work, a beautiful Autumn morning, when a man walked up to me and hissed 'Anal!' in my ear.

Women just don't do that sort of shit.

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 21:36

Meowandthen · 26/09/2023 21:32

Do we really have to reiterate that we know every man isn’t evil.

Also I have met Keanu and he was a delight.

Do you you have to tell me what to post? I was being light hearted. You sound annoying proving not all women are nice.

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