Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it is actually mostly men?

1000 replies

Nolpp · 26/09/2023 18:48

Maybe I didn’t get the memo in the past but in the last year or so I’ve been so bitterly disappointed by make behaviour. I look back and wonder if it was always this way but I’m only just noticing. I think part of it is I recently became a single parent and so I’ve had more dealings with men than I would usually, as I’ve had to speak to insurance companies, take car for MOT etc. Obviously I did some of these things before and I know women also work in these places but overall I am having more interaction with men.

Examples…

Driving. Whenever a car is right up behind me it is ALWAYS a man driving. I drive at the speed limit, not under, so presumably they think speed limits don’t apply to them.

I recently donated to a sponsorship for cancer research, an old school friend, quite literally not spoken in over two decades. He then messaged me to thank me for the donation and followed it up with a question about sex and positions he can do after his surgery. Why would anyone think that’s ok?

A colleague, well respected in his industry, tells me when drunk on a night out that he wishes all women conformed to the way of the 50s and stayed at home. He wasn’t joking.

In Sainsbury’s a week ago, a man grabbed my arse in a queue, I was shocked and stepped to one side, didn’t know what to do and said get the fuck away from me. I was next up for the till and the man behind the till said he does it to everyone !!! What the actual fuck? He did follow up to say they had tried to ban him from the shop. I cried in the car afterwards, it was awful.

Waiting for the baby changing unit in Mc Donnalds. A man eventually emerges, mutters sorry but he couldn’t wait, and looked sheepish. He wasn’t unwell, he was downing a Mc flurry when I came out.

Around 7 years ago I used to date someone who had recently got a job as a Judge in the family courts. He was very young to have got this job and in part it was to do with his father being a judge in the same court. Anyway one day we were talking about how money is worked out in a divorce and he said ‘it’s disgusting, women expect to be paid out after staying at home doing nothing with kids for fifteen years, so rather than getting a job of their own they steal the x husband’s pension.’ I am ashamed to say I laughed and agreed with him. I had a good job with no interest in giving it up so I felt I was compatible with this man who I now see was a bit of a monster.

I honestly feel like men make up the bulk of shit behaviour. It probably sounds dramatic but I actually feel sad about it, genuinely sad. And embarrassed that it’s taken me until this late in life to see it.

Yes, I know it’s not all men.

Rant over.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 19:31

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

You should read some proper history about how women were prevented from entering science by men. It was men who harassed and jeered at the first women doctors. Ever heard of the Edinburgh Seven? They got their medical degrees 150 years after they died because they were denied them by men. Ever heard of Rosalind Franklin? Ever heard of Katherine Johnson? All inventors and innovators.

Exactly as is happening in 2023 with th Taliban.

Nolpp · 26/09/2023 19:31

frazzledasarock · 26/09/2023 19:29

I have a friend who is a male family solicitor. He’s always maintained that all men are cunts. And he means it.

I used to think he was joking but he is deadly serious.

I suppose having dealt with family matters in court for several decades it does make you sit up and notice.

@frazzledasarock i also have a friend in this field. The things I’m told about men are honestly shocking.

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 19:33

Some of you pick me women going on about how men invented everything should read "Inferior" by Angela Saini. About how women were systematically exluded from science by men. Even Darwin believed women were inferior to men.

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 19:33

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 19:02

Course it is. But you will soon get a flood of NAMALTS. Most of the violence in the world is male violence, or committed by females who have no choice because of male violence.

What are NAMALTS?

Noicant · 26/09/2023 19:35

Yeah I genuinely feel like the majority of terrible people are men. Makes me feel quite sad really.

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 19:37

Women going on about how firefighters are mostly men when the majority of women in the world don't even get a basic education makes me hurl. It's not about your Nigel. He is probably lovely.

It's about patriarchy. And men have not lost interest in it, even though it has nothing to do with horses!

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:39

94% of firefighters are men. Women are allowed to become firefighters if they wish.

But somehow they don't want to or do the dangerous jobs.

It's always the non-dangerous jobs that women moan at not being to do/ discriminated against doing, isn't it?

Personally, I don't right off an entire gender.

Sorry to go against the grain but it's in the spirit of threads like this that someone does.

But that's me out of this one. I can't be arsed to engage further.

UncleHerbie · 26/09/2023 19:39

Not
All
Men
Are
Like
This

Hollywoodeyes · 26/09/2023 19:39

You only have to read threads on MN to see how the behaviour of boys is justified and defended. These boys become the entitled men we all encounter day by day.

CyberCritical · 26/09/2023 19:39

Yep, I've reached the point where I'm just constantly feeling disgusted and disappointed in men in general. It's so sad and demoralising that I'm no longer surprised by the news reported of celebrity male turns out to be a filthy rapist or animal torturer or wife beater.

I love my husband, he is a good man and I never want to be without him, but if for any reason I do find myself single again I really can't see myself ever looking for another partner. I just wouldn't want to try to find one who isn't horrible.

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 19:40

Gimjam · 26/09/2023 19:15

Some men even like to sexually abuse and murder dogs

Keith Lard?

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:40

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 19:37

Women going on about how firefighters are mostly men when the majority of women in the world don't even get a basic education makes me hurl. It's not about your Nigel. He is probably lovely.

It's about patriarchy. And men have not lost interest in it, even though it has nothing to do with horses!

Well I assume in the event of your house burning down you won't call the fire brigade then cos of like patriarchy.

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 19:40

Off you go then @Delmedio. Women are allowed to become Met Police as well. They can look forward to hobnobbing with sexist and racist policemen who take pictures of dead women in parks and rape them. Fun times!

NancyJoan · 26/09/2023 19:41

It’s not all men, but it’s not any of the women.

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 19:42

Or very few women @NancyJoan. You are right @Delmedio if I had to call a policeman, I would definitely prefer a woman. See how that works?

Ponoka7 · 26/09/2023 19:42

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:39

94% of firefighters are men. Women are allowed to become firefighters if they wish.

But somehow they don't want to or do the dangerous jobs.

It's always the non-dangerous jobs that women moan at not being to do/ discriminated against doing, isn't it?

Personally, I don't right off an entire gender.

Sorry to go against the grain but it's in the spirit of threads like this that someone does.

But that's me out of this one. I can't be arsed to engage further.

Did the scandals in the fire services in regards to sexism and racism pass you by? Most are white, as well as male even in a equally diverse area. Wonder why that is?

DawnInAutumn · 26/09/2023 19:42

Mrsphilmiller · 26/09/2023 18:51

I completely agree with you.

me too.
I am married to a lovely man. And had a lovely father.

But yep, i agree with you.

Lentilweaver · 26/09/2023 19:44

I think that Germaine Greer quote about women not realising how men hate them really sunk in for me when I read about the Zara Aleena murder, which was quite close to me. Her murderer Jordan something said that he just went out looking for a woman to murder. Any woman. His first target went into a shop, so he went on and found Zara. Like she was a piece of meat.

But yes, do blabber on about firefighters and drivers.

Hollywoodeyes · 26/09/2023 19:45

Yeah and if I get stopped by a lone policeman I’m allowed to ask for a colleague to attend if I feel unsafe. Magic.

Brefugee · 26/09/2023 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DawnInAutumn · 26/09/2023 19:46

frazzledasarock · 26/09/2023 19:29

I have a friend who is a male family solicitor. He’s always maintained that all men are cunts. And he means it.

I used to think he was joking but he is deadly serious.

I suppose having dealt with family matters in court for several decades it does make you sit up and notice.

100%.

I was a family law solicitor until I burned out in 2015.

My boss was fabulous. He used to say men are total arseholes and he could not understand why any of us would bother with them. And he sincerely meant it.

(But he used to fuck most of his female trainees. Apparently nothing wrong with that or any sort of abuse of power).

AtmosAtmos · 26/09/2023 19:48

Most of the sexual harassment and abuse and violence is from men. There is a hell of a lot of inequality especially at the top in media, politics, sport etc. and it gets ignored

However I don’t find the majority of terrible people are men. Women have different ways of being manipulative and aggressive even if not physically often to other women.

It’s about power. Men have a lot of physical power and they use it but women (not all as with men) can wound mentally and emotionally just as well.

If you are a mother of a son at what point does he become part of this majority that are horrible?

postitnote8 · 26/09/2023 19:49

You've had some awful experiences, OP. And I think you're incredible to be raising your baby alone! I have a 10 month old and I'm pregnant with my second. Sometimes I wonder if life would be easier, more fun and less stressful on my own. My DP isn't a bully, but the subtle misogyny, 'better than you' attitude and the fragile ego is always there. Ugh.

Otherwise, I love the men I know, and I'd be horrified and in disbelief if I heard that either my dad, 3 brothers, or male friends were capable of behaving anything like what I've experienced and/or you've described. I've been sexually assaulted three times, berated over parent and child parking twice while out with my baby (one old man laid into me for parking in the parent and child space- mistaking it for the disabled!!, the other called me a fucking bitch when I told him I couldn't put the pushchair in the boot because he was parked too close to me- he was 70+ y/o and of course with no children). I've been told to 'cheer up' at 9 months pregnant and grimacing while heaving shopping bags into my car...these just the top of my head because these are the most recent experiences.

All of these incidences happen when I'm on my own/with baby. Funnily enough nothing like this has ever, ever happened with my 6ft 3, bulky DP around. I've got a son and I'm so, so on it whenever DP says anything with sexist or misogynistic undertones. I am going to be reading and trying everything I can to try and raise this boy to be a feminist ally! I'm not sure men are getting 'worse' so to speak, maybe women are getting 'better' and recognising and calling it out?

PeopleWhatABunchOfBastards · 26/09/2023 19:50

Ugh the Looonnng squats in baby/disabled toilets do my nut in.
I pointed it out to my husband and he thought I was exaggerating. Since I pointed it he must have started to notice it because he says it's single long death poo guy everytime.

And no, they don't all have invisible disabilities. They just want a lllooonnng peaceful poo (usually avoiding childcare)

Case and point we went to the zoo with newborn. Went to the baby change. Poonami. Saw a man come out the entrance and hand a toddler to wife who was already grappling with baby. Thought, that's typical. Went through, waiting twenty minutes for baby change. Man come out, sheepish, stinks to high heaven. Obviously he not only wanted a poo in the baby change/disabled, he also decided that his wife should look after both kids whilst he did it (rather than doing it with an audience like mum's have to).

Gives me the absolute rage, especially when it's a disabled toilet as well. Here I am feeling guilty about using a joint baby /disabled for baby and toddler changing, and men seem to think it's their right to use them as personal shit stations.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread