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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my bullying neighbour to the police?

349 replies

L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 13:53

I am considering reporting my neighbour to the police..

I never thought my life was interesting enough to warrant a post on AIBU but things have changed - here we go!

I recently purchased a ground floor flat in a block of 9 flats. We all share a communal garden but only myself and the next door flat have direct access via patio doors.

I have a registered Hearing Dog for the Deaf (I am profoundly deaf). I've had this dog for nearly a year and previously lived in a rented flat with a small balcony. Now that we have a massive garden, my dog is absolutely loving it and enjoys running around and playing in it (fully supervised).

Most of my new neighbours have been fantastic and very understanding of the dog and welcome his cuddles! However, our direct neighbours (who also have direct access to the garden) have been really difficult. It is a male and female living in the flat - the male is ok-ish, but the female is much worse.

It all came to blows the other day where I had my in-laws over for the weekend. I took the dog out in the garden in the morning so he could go to the toilet. I wasn't anywhere near the neighbour's patio doors or windows - more towards the back end of the garden (approx 10m?), and she flung open her window and started shouting at me!!

I then approached the window and asked her what she was saying. She was shouting and saying 'your dog cannot use the garden as a toilet', over and over. She started saying some other things but I couldn't lip-read her well so I asked her to repeat it and she slammed the window and rolled her eyes at me. I took the dog back indoors and, after discussing with my husband and in-laws, I went round to their door and knocked on it. I asked if I could clarify what the problem was with the lady.

The male invited me in and the lady just started ranting at me. She repeated what she was saying earlier and said 'you have LEGS, you can WALK to the road and toilet him there'. I tried to explain that he is a service dog and that we already had confirmation from the building's management company that he can use the garden. She then started to mimic my voice and said 'UnFoRtUnAtLeY He Is a HeArInG dOg" and kept going on and on, raising her voice and becoming angrier and angrier. She kept saying it didn't matter that he was a service dog, he is still a DOG!! and he must go to the toilet in the road??? After about 5 minutes of going around in circles, I said 'I'm going to leave before this escalates' and the male let me out and gave me a quick apology.

I ended up back in my flat absolutely shaking with adrenaline/fear/anxiety. I've decided to only let the dog toilet in a specific part of the garden (gap in bushes directly opposite my door) to reduce his impact on the garden. Once he has done his business, he is free to run around and play. I don't have to do this but I thought it would be a nice gesture and will hopefully reduce the likelihood of being screamed at again...

Since the weekend, she has been banging on windows and waving at myself and my husband to get our attention but we've been ignoring her - I'm starting to get more and more anxious to go out in the garden and it's having an impact on my dog as well.

Would I be unreasonable to report this to the police?

OP posts:
Resisterance · 26/09/2023 16:01

I don't think you're listening to the feedback here.

It's really not acceptable to let you dog poo in a shared garden!

Afterschoolrun · 26/09/2023 16:01

Wisterical · 26/09/2023 14:04

Of course you should not let your dog pee and shit in a shared garden! What on earth makes you think that is reasonable?

THIS! YABU and I don't blame her reaction.

Afterschoolrun · 26/09/2023 16:03

L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 14:58

Another thing to add as well - he is a fully accredited service dog under Hearing Dogs for the Deaf which is registered under Assistance Dogs UK - there is a register for such dogs but not many organisations are aware of this and people do take advantage of this.

He has a little ID book and wears a jacket, harness, and a badge when he is working :)

This could not be even less relevant!!

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 26/09/2023 16:06

How does it work if people want to use the garden for social activities, such as a party, bbq or say setting up kids toys/paddling pool?

Afterschoolrun · 26/09/2023 16:06

L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 15:58

Thanks everyone. I definitely don't want to be that neighbour who thinks she owns the place because she has a service dog! I fully recognise that the garden is shared. In our previous place, we had no issues, so I didn't anticipate any!

I will definitely look at putting up flyers to make people aware there is a service dog and that he may use the garden often.

As for toileting, he is limited to a specific area and is kept on the lead until he is finished, and then he is able to go off lead and sniff/run around for 5-10 minutes. He is NEVER let out when there is someone else in the garden. Just to clarify that this specific area is tucked away and no-one goes there as it's just a grass-less area under a tree - so no risk for turning grass yellow here either!

I will move my daily walks earlier in the day so that we can go straight out in the morning, and I'll also take him to the street last thing before bed if I can.

However, it is still a shared garden and the other neighbour will have to accept that the dog will use it at times - there's really no way around it as our front door is through the garden!

If the harassment continues, even with my adjustments, I will call 101 as some of you have suggested, and raise it further with the Management Company.

I'm sorry but what has the service dog aspect got to do with this scenario? Its totally irrelevant. Just take your dog on walks like most people do and leave the garden free of all piss and shit ideally.

Original poster
L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 16:07

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 26/09/2023 16:06

How does it work if people want to use the garden for social activities, such as a party, bbq or say setting up kids toys/paddling pool?

No kids here, so no kids toys/paddling pool.

No idea re. activities - we've only been here a few weeks!

No bbqs allowed.

OP posts:
Original poster
L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 16:09

Afterschoolrun · 26/09/2023 16:06

I'm sorry but what has the service dog aspect got to do with this scenario? Its totally irrelevant. Just take your dog on walks like most people do and leave the garden free of all piss and shit ideally.

Show quote history

I work from home, and the dog alerts me to a huge variety of sounds, including fire alarms. I can't just pop out for a walk every time he needs the loo as I have a job to do. I only have the dog because I'm completely vulnerable at home on my own - I wouldn't have him if I didn't need him.

Therefore, the reasonable adjustment that the management company have agreed to, is to let him use the garden!

OP posts:
Afterschoolrun · 26/09/2023 16:13

L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 16:09

I work from home, and the dog alerts me to a huge variety of sounds, including fire alarms. I can't just pop out for a walk every time he needs the loo as I have a job to do. I only have the dog because I'm completely vulnerable at home on my own - I wouldn't have him if I didn't need him.

Therefore, the reasonable adjustment that the management company have agreed to, is to let him use the garden!

Show quote history

You said he wees on command so take him out 3 times a day for walks, morning, lunch time and after work. He doesn't need more than that and frankly you're being ridiculous.

Homesweethome23 · 26/09/2023 16:16

The management company should have discussed it with all neighbours before you moved in.

I wouldn’t be happy with this situation either (and am a dog owner), the neighbour could have handled the situation a lot better but to be honest from your posts you are coming across as very entitled. Not everyone loves dogs and wants a dog running around a shared garden that they are also paying for to use.

If the dog does need to go into the garden always make sure he is on a lead at all times. It’s a shared garden not your garden.

Original poster
L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 16:16

Afterschoolrun · 26/09/2023 16:13

You said he wees on command so take him out 3 times a day for walks, morning, lunch time and after work. He doesn't need more than that and frankly you're being ridiculous.

Show quote history

Dogs wee more than 3 times a day! Even I wee more than 3 times a day! He wees about 5-6 times a day... and dogs shouldn't go more than 4 hours without a wee break...

OP posts:
Losingmymind85 · 26/09/2023 16:16

Any way you could see about splitting the communal garden in half with a fence? That way you each end up with a "private" garden? Cant see the management company having an issue with it as long as you inform them and pay for it.

OldTinHat · 26/09/2023 16:17

You have permission from the building management that your dog can use the garden, so that's fine.

I'm assuming you pick up poo straight away so there shouldn't be an issue.

For those saying it's wrong because it's a communal garden, then surely the same can be said for the road/pavement outside, the local park and so on. Should the dog wear a nappy ffs?

Dogs urine doesn't smell strongly like cats wee and cats wee and crap all over the place. Any cats in the building OP? Or owned by neighbouring properties? Bet those owners aren't picking up after them in the communal garden, or after foxes, squirrels...

Notagains · 26/09/2023 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

People have different phobias. Some people are scared of dogs. Are you the same with people scared of heights spiders etc. People can't control their feelings, allergies, or when they may have s panis attack and they should be able to relax and feel comfortable in their garden.
The dog shouldn't use the garden as a toilet and it shouldn't bother other people using the garden.
That doesn't excuse the neighbours terrible behaviour towards OP but it does sound as though she has anxiety issues.

Original poster
L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 16:18

Losingmymind85 · 26/09/2023 16:16

Any way you could see about splitting the communal garden in half with a fence? That way you each end up with a "private" garden? Cant see the management company having an issue with it as long as you inform them and pay for it.

No, the garden is shared between all 9 flats, not just the bottom 2!

OP posts:
Ashbb · 26/09/2023 16:19

OP, your dog should not have a need to wee more than 3 times a day, that is ridiculous. This is coming from someone who had a dog for 14 years. Walking your dog 3 times a day is enough. Marking his territory is not done because he needs to wee.

LakieLady · 26/09/2023 16:20

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 26/09/2023 15:32

Well she’s harassing you by banging on your windows and mimicking your disability could be interpreted as a hate crime. Personally I’d do it.

Me too, and definitely if she does it again. It's absolutely uncalled for - what's wrong with discussing things politely, ffs?

As long as you're clearing up after your dog, OP, I really don't see what the neighbour's issue is. It's a reasonable adjustment for your disability and the freeholders/agents have given permission.

Some people are bonkers and some people are hateful. Sadly, your neighbour seems to be a bit of both.

Droppit · 26/09/2023 16:20

If the Management Company has agreed to this, then you are in the right here. I would advise her to raise her concerns directly with the Management Company.

Is she a landlord or is she renting? Presumably all landlords form the Management Company which made this decision (perhaps not all agreed, but the majority did). If you have confirmation in writing you could give her a copy.

Original poster
L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 16:21

Homesweethome23 · 26/09/2023 16:16

The management company should have discussed it with all neighbours before you moved in.

I wouldn’t be happy with this situation either (and am a dog owner), the neighbour could have handled the situation a lot better but to be honest from your posts you are coming across as very entitled. Not everyone loves dogs and wants a dog running around a shared garden that they are also paying for to use.

If the dog does need to go into the garden always make sure he is on a lead at all times. It’s a shared garden not your garden.

Entitled how? The dog runs around for 5 minutes when no one else is in the garden?

OP posts:
CleverLilViper · 26/09/2023 16:21

Hufflepods · 26/09/2023 15:50

@ActDottie You have permission from the building management your service dog can go toilet in the garden.

OP has permission for her dog to use the garden, not to use it as a toilet.

What do you think dogs do in a garden?

Dance?

Original poster
L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 16:22

Ashbb · 26/09/2023 16:19

OP, your dog should not have a need to wee more than 3 times a day, that is ridiculous. This is coming from someone who had a dog for 14 years. Walking your dog 3 times a day is enough. Marking his territory is not done because he needs to wee.

I've been told by Hearing Dogs for the Deaf that he needs to have toilet breaks every 4 hours, so that's how I've always managed him! I've never had a dog before and I'm just going by what I've been told to do for his welfare.

OP posts:
CoffeeandCheesecake · 26/09/2023 16:22

Hi OP, I don't see a problem with anything you're doing, especially as you have permission. Re your neighbour, it sounds like a situation that may escalate in unpleasantness if it's not nipped in the bud early on, so I would definitely be logging it with everyone (Police, landlord).

Afterschoolrun · 26/09/2023 16:22

L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 16:16

Dogs wee more than 3 times a day! Even I wee more than 3 times a day! He wees about 5-6 times a day... and dogs shouldn't go more than 4 hours without a wee break...

Show quote history

Ok so 3 times a day on walks

Then another 3 times a day out the front of the building or somewhere far away from the shared garden. Seriously you sound so entitled, it doesn't matter if you've been given permission for this from a management company, they don't live there! Your poor neighbours.

PinkRoses1245 · 26/09/2023 16:23

How she handled it was wrong. But I see her point. It’s not nice to have a dog using the whole garden as a toilet. I’d try to get the dog to use one part of the garden, and take him out when you can. And I’m confused why a service dog is having cuddles, I always was told to not disturb a service dog

TeenLifeMum · 26/09/2023 16:23

My dog doesn’t wee or poop in our garden at all so I agree with your neighbour although she handled it badly. He wees three times a day - morning walk, afternoon walk and a quick trip to the end of the road before bed. Not sure this is a police matter.

Original poster
L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 16:23

Droppit · 26/09/2023 16:20

If the Management Company has agreed to this, then you are in the right here. I would advise her to raise her concerns directly with the Management Company.

Is she a landlord or is she renting? Presumably all landlords form the Management Company which made this decision (perhaps not all agreed, but the majority did). If you have confirmation in writing you could give her a copy.

Neither - she is the partner of the next-door owner. She has her own flat elsewhere and they take it in turns to stay at eachother's place...

OP posts:
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