To report my bullying neighbour to the police?

[L3gohouse]

I am considering reporting my neighbour to the police..

I never thought my life was interesting enough to warrant a post on AIBU but things have changed - here we go!

I recently purchased a ground floor flat in a block of 9 flats. We all share a communal garden but only myself and the next door flat have direct access via patio doors.

I have a registered Hearing Dog for the Deaf (I am profoundly deaf). I've had this dog for nearly a year and previously lived in a rented flat with a small balcony. Now that we have a massive garden, my dog is absolutely loving it and enjoys running around and playing in it (fully supervised).

Most of my new neighbours have been fantastic and very understanding of the dog and welcome his cuddles! However, our direct neighbours (who also have direct access to the garden) have been really difficult. It is a male and female living in the flat - the male is ok-ish, but the female is much worse.

It all came to blows the other day where I had my in-laws over for the weekend. I took the dog out in the garden in the morning so he could go to the toilet. I wasn't anywhere near the neighbour's patio doors or windows - more towards the back end of the garden (approx 10m?), and she flung open her window and started shouting at me!!

I then approached the window and asked her what she was saying. She was shouting and saying 'your dog cannot use the garden as a toilet', over and over. She started saying some other things but I couldn't lip-read her well so I asked her to repeat it and she slammed the window and rolled her eyes at me. I took the dog back indoors and, after discussing with my husband and in-laws, I went round to their door and knocked on it. I asked if I could clarify what the problem was with the lady.

The male invited me in and the lady just started ranting at me. She repeated what she was saying earlier and said 'you have LEGS, you can WALK to the road and toilet him there'. I tried to explain that he is a service dog and that we already had confirmation from the building's management company that he can use the garden. She then started to mimic my voice and said 'UnFoRtUnAtLeY He Is a HeArInG dOg" and kept going on and on, raising her voice and becoming angrier and angrier. She kept saying it didn't matter that he was a service dog, he is still a DOG!! and he must go to the toilet in the road??? After about 5 minutes of going around in circles, I said 'I'm going to leave before this escalates' and the male let me out and gave me a quick apology.

I ended up back in my flat absolutely shaking with adrenaline/fear/anxiety. I've decided to only let the dog toilet in a specific part of the garden (gap in bushes directly opposite my door) to reduce his impact on the garden. Once he has done his business, he is free to run around and play. I don't have to do this but I thought it would be a nice gesture and will hopefully reduce the likelihood of being screamed at again...

Since the weekend, she has been banging on windows and waving at myself and my husband to get our attention but we've been ignoring her - I'm starting to get more and more anxious to go out in the garden and it's having an impact on my dog as well.

Would I be unreasonable to report this to the police?

Actually you're 100% right. Everything else is irrelevant really.

I'll take that as a no then 🤣🤣🤣

Normally if someone has missed something it helps educate them if someone points it out, then they can make a decision about it. It also reiterates their convictions.....or they can just go on the attack. Either is fine, just one has a greater impact than the other.

I would hate for the PPs on this thread hand-wringing about sitting near dog urine to ever find out what soil is actually made of.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You said in your op that they are living in the apartment, but now she's only a visitor - which is it? Either way, someone that she knows owns the apartment and if they have a reciprocal arrangement to swap accommodation every two weeks as you say, then it's obviously in the owner's interest to keep her happy. The owner is perfectly entitled to raise this with the management company and to find out who in the management company gave permission for your dog to shit in the garden and on what basis did they give this permission. Have all members of the OMC been consulted? It would be unusual for an multi-unit development not to have a clause in the leasehold agreement regarding dog ownership and this usually includes clauses re nuisance. The owner would be perfectly entitled, as a member of the OMC, to ensure that any rules re dog ownership and nuisance are enforced.
It's not just a nuisance, it's a public health issue, unpleasant, unhygienic and unfair on other residents. You sound unbelievably entitled. And the police have better things to do. 🙄

I think the woman sounds like a nasty piece of work but I don't see what OP's disability has to do with the dog using the garden as a toilet.

It won't matter to the other residents whether it's a disability service dog, police dog, emotional support dog.. all it boils down to is a dog using a communal area as a toilet and that's not acceptable. I can see why the neighbour got annoyed if disability was used to justify the dog crapping in the communal area.

How is a single dog pissing in an outdoor area making any garden smell of dog wee? It would dissipate into the atmosphere! You're being ridiculous.

People are so eager to say something horrible about dogs that they lose sight of everything else. Trying their utmost to come up with some scathing, smart arse remark, failing and resorting to “you smell”.

Glad you got a decent update from the management team OP and I hope you do report your neighbour for harassment.

I like dogs so this isn’t a dog hate post, but I’ve been in loads of friend’s gardens on a sunny day that stink of dog wee. You might think your little Fido’s shit don’t stink…but it does 😂

For those interesting in learning rather than nit-picking and point scoring...

When I teach/train assistance dog teams, the general rule is the dog does not toilet whilst working.

For the dog, working = wearing working gear, this is how they usually differentiate between on duty and off duty.

This means to take the dog to the toilet they must be off duty - if thats in a secure garden, then a deaf handler isn't really at risk. However depending what tasks the dog does, out in public on the street, the handler may well be at risk if the dog is off duty and focused on something else (which they are when toileting, which is one reason why they're not to go when working!).

Additionally, assistance dogs need down-time like everyone else, and that means off lead play and freedom to mooch about somewhere safe.

Whilst it is possible to teach them not to toilet whilst wearing their working gear, and it is possible to teach them to go on cue if they have anything to do at that moment, it really isn't possible (nor would it be fair or kind to attempt it) to teach them never to go without a cue, when not working, off lead, and outdoors.

Assistance dogs ARE allowed to greet, cuddle, get a fuss etc from other people when off duty - do some of you realise they're still living, sentient beings, not furry machines!

The OP has ensured she has permission for her dog to be off lead in the garden and to toilet there, she's done absolutely nothing wrong.

UPDATE 2

I know I said I wouldn't post again but I just had a lovely outcome to all this and thought I would share it.

I went for a run this evening and during the run I thought about all the different comments I received and various ways to approach the situation.

When I got home, I just had a gut feeling that I should just go around and chat to the neighbor.

I knocked on their door... scary as!!! And was met with a scowl... but!!!

I explained to her that I'd had some time to think and wanted to discuss a possible solution with her. She agreed. I explained that I'd started to train him to pee in a specific spot and we both went to the garden together so we could identify the area. She was happy with my choice (barren ground under tree).

She explained that she had lived there since 1988!!!! And was very proud of the garden as it is well kept and lovely (it is).

She was happy with the outcome and we said we'd revise it if it wasn't working or if there are any other issues.

I said that I'd also take him inside if she wants to use the garden, or keep him insufe if she's already out there. She said 'oh you don't need to do that, he's a lovely dog...'.

No apologies on both sides (as is the British Way) but we both agreed to move on and thanked eachother for the chat and agreed solution.

Win/win!!!

Well this thread is a fine example of the types of isms that happen on mumsnet.

Bloody disgusting. Sorry you have/had to go through that op. Abuse in your home and then online. Those asking for examples of being ableist- cop onto yourself. Frothing about the dog using the garden rather than the actual issue of an aggressive neighbour. Op is allowed to letnher dog use the garden. The issue is the neighbour not op.

Great updates op. You've been very forgiving. Hopefully you and your neighbour can forge a new path.

Brilliant, well handled and a lot braver than I would have been 👏

I'm glad you've had a positive outcome, but I still think your neighbour is a nasty bigot, along with a sizeable proportion of posters on this thread.

You sound lovely though and a much bigger person than me. I salute you 👏

We we not permitted to say the neighbour was horrific. The dog/garden toilet was far from ideal?

Take no notice of the spiteful comments, pure ignorance. Glad about your update x

I second your post! 😀

YABVU

Just as well the OP's neighbour doesn't agree with you.

Ooh look, another bigot!

Alot of people seem to be missing the disability hate crimes your neighbour is committing on a regular basis by mocking your deafness.
She seems utterly delusional and a police visit might just do the trick.

That was a nice resolution to the thread. I hope the new peace lasts and that everything goes smoothly from now on.

@Fallenangelofthenorth how am I a bigot?!

She sounds awful, however I don't think your dog should be using the garden as a toilet. It would be fine if it was just your garden, but as it is shared, then no.

I've just read your update, so well done on coming to a resolution.

For something to be a hate crime it first has to be a crime that would apply whoever the victim. The 'hate' part is added where the initial crime was motivated by hatred of a protected group. Mocking someone is not a crime.