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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my bullying neighbour to the police?

349 replies

L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 13:53

I am considering reporting my neighbour to the police..

I never thought my life was interesting enough to warrant a post on AIBU but things have changed - here we go!

I recently purchased a ground floor flat in a block of 9 flats. We all share a communal garden but only myself and the next door flat have direct access via patio doors.

I have a registered Hearing Dog for the Deaf (I am profoundly deaf). I've had this dog for nearly a year and previously lived in a rented flat with a small balcony. Now that we have a massive garden, my dog is absolutely loving it and enjoys running around and playing in it (fully supervised).

Most of my new neighbours have been fantastic and very understanding of the dog and welcome his cuddles! However, our direct neighbours (who also have direct access to the garden) have been really difficult. It is a male and female living in the flat - the male is ok-ish, but the female is much worse.

It all came to blows the other day where I had my in-laws over for the weekend. I took the dog out in the garden in the morning so he could go to the toilet. I wasn't anywhere near the neighbour's patio doors or windows - more towards the back end of the garden (approx 10m?), and she flung open her window and started shouting at me!!

I then approached the window and asked her what she was saying. She was shouting and saying 'your dog cannot use the garden as a toilet', over and over. She started saying some other things but I couldn't lip-read her well so I asked her to repeat it and she slammed the window and rolled her eyes at me. I took the dog back indoors and, after discussing with my husband and in-laws, I went round to their door and knocked on it. I asked if I could clarify what the problem was with the lady.

The male invited me in and the lady just started ranting at me. She repeated what she was saying earlier and said 'you have LEGS, you can WALK to the road and toilet him there'. I tried to explain that he is a service dog and that we already had confirmation from the building's management company that he can use the garden. She then started to mimic my voice and said 'UnFoRtUnAtLeY He Is a HeArInG dOg" and kept going on and on, raising her voice and becoming angrier and angrier. She kept saying it didn't matter that he was a service dog, he is still a DOG!! and he must go to the toilet in the road??? After about 5 minutes of going around in circles, I said 'I'm going to leave before this escalates' and the male let me out and gave me a quick apology.

I ended up back in my flat absolutely shaking with adrenaline/fear/anxiety. I've decided to only let the dog toilet in a specific part of the garden (gap in bushes directly opposite my door) to reduce his impact on the garden. Once he has done his business, he is free to run around and play. I don't have to do this but I thought it would be a nice gesture and will hopefully reduce the likelihood of being screamed at again...

Since the weekend, she has been banging on windows and waving at myself and my husband to get our attention but we've been ignoring her - I'm starting to get more and more anxious to go out in the garden and it's having an impact on my dog as well.

Would I be unreasonable to report this to the police?

OP posts:
Freezingcoldinseptember · 26/09/2023 13:59

Tbh I can see both sides. Surely the communal garden smelling of ddog wee isn't great for anyone op? Assuming you poop scoop you still have wee smells there!. She is being unreasonable to be seemingly disrespectful to your deafness.

AlphaAlpha · 26/09/2023 14:00

Her behaviour is unacceptable, that's for sure.

But as you've stated, you all share a garden, which I assume is a lovely outdoor space. I'm not sure I'd be best pleased with a dog using a garden as a toilet.
Do kids play on it?
Do you pick up poop? Rinse urine?

Wisterical · 26/09/2023 14:04

Of course you should not let your dog pee and shit in a shared garden! What on earth makes you think that is reasonable?

Scousefab · 26/09/2023 14:07

I would probably take the dog a little further down the road. She may have issues with OCD and if it’s a shared garden makes you look like you’re making an effort. If she then continues to scream at you I would at that point then raise with a community support officer on the 101 non emergency number.

ClusterFukt · 26/09/2023 14:09

She’s a grade A cunt for sure for mocking a deaf person but letting your dog soil a communal space is not on. Take the dog to the park or the gutter and pick up the mess. Being deaf doesn’t give you the right to let your dog fowl areas that your neighbours use.

crumblylancs · 26/09/2023 14:09

What do you want the police to do? Would you say she's committed an offence?

SoRainbowRhythms · 26/09/2023 14:10

She's being totally unreasonable in being so nasty to you, however I'd be annoyed at a dog pooing and weeing in a space I shared.

Charlotte120221 · 26/09/2023 14:12

It's not what she's saying it's how she's saying it. Shouting and ranting is not constructive.

But she does have a point - why should your dog use a communal garden as a toilet? I wouldn't be happy with that either. Is there really no way you can take him to the front of the house to go?

PlimplePlop · 26/09/2023 14:12

She's handled it very unpleasantly, but if a neighbour let their dog use a shared garden as a toilet I would be absolutely disgusted.
Why can't you take the dog for a walk on the streets?

HolyMolyRolyPolyGoodForTheSouly · 26/09/2023 14:13

She’s handled it badly. But I agree with her.

Very very selfish of you. Quite disgusting actually.

Why would you buy somewhere with a shared garden if you wanted to use it as a toilet?

Jibo · 26/09/2023 14:15

I would have a panic attack if a dog tried to "cuddle" me and I would expect a service dog to be properly trained to ignore strangers and stay focused on his owner. Nobody cuddles guide dogs.

As for letting him go toilet in the shared garden... unbelievable. Your neighbour is 100% correct. I imagine that the building management said the dog was allowed in the garden (most likely on a lead) rather than specifically telling you he could do his business there? It probably didn't even occur to them that you'd be so inconsiderate given you have easy access to the street as well. Take him out the front.

Prancingponytail · 26/09/2023 14:17

Yup, dog on a short lead in the shared garden at all times and no using it as a dog toilet - how disgusting!

Hufflepods · 26/09/2023 14:17

I imagine most people wouldn’t want a shared garden to be used as a dog’s toilet. You should really be walking him for this.

Either way it’s not remotely a police issue.

CleverLilViper · 26/09/2023 14:18

Swear to god, OP, don’t listen to the people here who have zero idea how dogs work.

Panic attack over a dog cuddle 😂😂😂 give me fucking strength.

First up, it’s a communal garden and you have permission to allow your dog to use it. Good luck to anyone trying to stop a dog peeing outside where they’re meant to fucking pee.

so long as you scoop up any poo, and bin it, you’re good. You’re not being unreasonable to use the garden as you’re allowed to do.

DaisyMaisyFaisy · 26/09/2023 14:18

I’m a dog lover, I have dogs, but I cringed at you saying he runs around the shared garden. That’s not on for the neighbours. You shouldn’t be letting him do that and should be taking him down the road for the toilet

Yes the neighbour shouldn’t have yelled but it’s not on to treat the garden as your personal one

Hufflepods · 26/09/2023 14:20

Most of my new neighbours have been fantastic and very understanding of the dog and welcome his cuddles!

Sounds like a poorly trained service dog!

HolyMolyRolyPolyGoodForTheSouly · 26/09/2023 14:20

CleverLilViper · 26/09/2023 14:18

Swear to god, OP, don’t listen to the people here who have zero idea how dogs work.

Panic attack over a dog cuddle 😂😂😂 give me fucking strength.

First up, it’s a communal garden and you have permission to allow your dog to use it. Good luck to anyone trying to stop a dog peeing outside where they’re meant to fucking pee.

so long as you scoop up any poo, and bin it, you’re good. You’re not being unreasonable to use the garden as you’re allowed to do.

Everyone knows how dogs work 🙄 some people just don’t bloody like them (I do, but wouldn’t want to share my garden with one!)

OP should’ve bought somewhere with a private garden.

CleverLilViper · 26/09/2023 14:21

HolyMolyRolyPolyGoodForTheSouly · 26/09/2023 14:20

Everyone knows how dogs work 🙄 some people just don’t bloody like them (I do, but wouldn’t want to share my garden with one!)

OP should’ve bought somewhere with a private garden.

Show quote history

If you think you can simply stop a dog peeing you don’t know how dogs fucking work.

MichelleScarn · 26/09/2023 14:23

Jibo · 26/09/2023 14:15

I would have a panic attack if a dog tried to "cuddle" me and I would expect a service dog to be properly trained to ignore strangers and stay focused on his owner. Nobody cuddles guide dogs.

As for letting him go toilet in the shared garden... unbelievable. Your neighbour is 100% correct. I imagine that the building management said the dog was allowed in the garden (most likely on a lead) rather than specifically telling you he could do his business there? It probably didn't even occur to them that you'd be so inconsiderate given you have easy access to the street as well. Take him out the front.

Absolutely. So you don't walk the dog? Isn't that something you need to agree to do?

UselessGardener · 26/09/2023 14:23

I'd be furious you'd let your dog use the garden as a toilet. She sounds rude and unpleasant but to be honest I agree with her - it's vile to let your dog crap in a shared space.

HolyMolyRolyPolyGoodForTheSouly · 26/09/2023 14:24

CleverLilViper · 26/09/2023 14:21

If you think you can simply stop a dog peeing you don’t know how dogs fucking work.

Show quote history

How eloquent of you.

OP walks the dog. OP buys somewhere with a private garden.

FallingAutumnLeaf · 26/09/2023 14:24

Her attitude is totally and utterly unacceptable, however, I would be annoyed if someone else dog was weeing and pooing in my (shared) garden. I would also be furious if the dog approached me in the garden and didn't respond to a recall from you (you don't say if this is the case or not).

Basically, I don't think there should have to be any interaction between anyone who doesn't want it and your dog when in their own garden.

DuplicateUserName · 26/09/2023 14:24

I was going to say YANBU but then I thought about it.

Why is a trained service dog approaching your neighbours for a 'cuddle'?

If you managed with a small balcony before, can't you just toilet the dog in the street like I assume you used to?

She's a nasty woman for the way she treated you, however I'm not sure it's a police matter. Still, nothing stopping you from contacting 101 and asking for advice I suppose.

LightSpeeds · 26/09/2023 14:24

Sorry but I really don't understand why your dog is using the garden as a toilet. It's disgusting and I wouldn't be happy if I was sharing this garden with you.

It's probably been going on for a while and I should think from her reaction she's been fuming for a while about this.

Do you pick up the dog poo?

MichelleScarn · 26/09/2023 14:25

You can stop him peeing in the garden by walking him first before he goes in the garden?

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