To report my bullying neighbour to the police?

[L3gohouse]

I am considering reporting my neighbour to the police..

I never thought my life was interesting enough to warrant a post on AIBU but things have changed - here we go!

I recently purchased a ground floor flat in a block of 9 flats. We all share a communal garden but only myself and the next door flat have direct access via patio doors.

I have a registered Hearing Dog for the Deaf (I am profoundly deaf). I've had this dog for nearly a year and previously lived in a rented flat with a small balcony. Now that we have a massive garden, my dog is absolutely loving it and enjoys running around and playing in it (fully supervised).

Most of my new neighbours have been fantastic and very understanding of the dog and welcome his cuddles! However, our direct neighbours (who also have direct access to the garden) have been really difficult. It is a male and female living in the flat - the male is ok-ish, but the female is much worse.

It all came to blows the other day where I had my in-laws over for the weekend. I took the dog out in the garden in the morning so he could go to the toilet. I wasn't anywhere near the neighbour's patio doors or windows - more towards the back end of the garden (approx 10m?), and she flung open her window and started shouting at me!!

I then approached the window and asked her what she was saying. She was shouting and saying 'your dog cannot use the garden as a toilet', over and over. She started saying some other things but I couldn't lip-read her well so I asked her to repeat it and she slammed the window and rolled her eyes at me. I took the dog back indoors and, after discussing with my husband and in-laws, I went round to their door and knocked on it. I asked if I could clarify what the problem was with the lady.

The male invited me in and the lady just started ranting at me. She repeated what she was saying earlier and said 'you have LEGS, you can WALK to the road and toilet him there'. I tried to explain that he is a service dog and that we already had confirmation from the building's management company that he can use the garden. She then started to mimic my voice and said 'UnFoRtUnAtLeY He Is a HeArInG dOg" and kept going on and on, raising her voice and becoming angrier and angrier. She kept saying it didn't matter that he was a service dog, he is still a DOG!! and he must go to the toilet in the road??? After about 5 minutes of going around in circles, I said 'I'm going to leave before this escalates' and the male let me out and gave me a quick apology.

I ended up back in my flat absolutely shaking with adrenaline/fear/anxiety. I've decided to only let the dog toilet in a specific part of the garden (gap in bushes directly opposite my door) to reduce his impact on the garden. Once he has done his business, he is free to run around and play. I don't have to do this but I thought it would be a nice gesture and will hopefully reduce the likelihood of being screamed at again...

Since the weekend, she has been banging on windows and waving at myself and my husband to get our attention but we've been ignoring her - I'm starting to get more and more anxious to go out in the garden and it's having an impact on my dog as well.

Would I be unreasonable to report this to the police?

OP,

What a horrible experience for you. I think this needs to be broken down into two separate things though.

YABU for letting your dog (even a service dog) use a communal garden for its toilet. I would find that frustrating. If it was very late at night then I would understand the need to let your dog go in the garden (and trying to contain his business to one secluded section of the garden when this happens is a good idea). Otherwise I would be asking any neighbour of mine to take them for a morning walk and have them do their business during this time / in a public park.

YANBU to be appalled and upset by your neighbours reaction. Mimicking you, banging on windows and shouting is not on. I don’t think what you have described is yet a police matter, but I appreciate that doesn’t make it any easier for you.

In your shoes, I would go round to your neighbours, with your partner in tow. You could perhaps do this when the wife is out so you just speak to the husband? Or write a letter and post it through detailing the following:

1. Apologise for letting the dog use the communal garden as its toilet. You had cleared this with the management firm but did not think how it could impact your neighbours. Going forward you will not let the dog do this, and in the rare occasion it must (E.g late at night or if you are ill and cannot walk the dog), you will use the bushes at the side
2. Your dog is a service dog because you are deaf. The dog is a vital part of your existence and your neighbour must accept their presence and that the dog will use the garden as a playground and to run in for its enjoyment
3. Mimicking you, shouting at you and banging on windows will NOT be tolerated going forward. You’d like to sweep these incidents under the rug and start afresh but should behaviour like this happen one more time then you will email the flat management company to make them aware. If it happens a second time, you will be contacting the police and make them aware of the harassment. Deafness is protected under the Equality Act and you will not stand for the mimicking and shouting and dismissal of your service dog
4. If, in future, they have any issues they would like to raise with you, they should come round and knock on your door. No more banging on windows even to get your attention as it makes you anxious and uncomfortable. You hope with all this in mind that your relationship can be more cordial
5. This is perhaps not something you’d want to do - but perhaps ask them round or say you would like to meet in the garden to introduce them to your dog

all the best, don’t let a bully make you feel uncomfortable in your own home x

You are being completely unreasonable by letting the dog shit and pee in a communal garden OP. Come on. I'm sure when the landlord said that the dog could go in the garden that they didn't mean use it as a toilet.

Is there a reason why your dog needs to use the communal garden? Is there something stopping you from taking it out for a walk?

Problem is my guess is when they were sold the flat your neighbours were told they had a share of a communal garden, not a share of a communal dog toilet.

I'm not sure how many people would be happy looking out their window and seeing a dog doing its business. It is not exactly pleasant.

You mention you had the dog before, and had it in a small flat without a garden ? So presumably you took it outside the flat then. So why not continue this process ?

I would have no problem with a dog running around a shared garden - but it should not be using it as a toilet.

At the very least he should only go in one far off corner, that gets collected immediately. Even then you get a build up of urine smell in the soil. I love spending time in my garden, in a big city it’s a perfect escape - that smell would drive my nutty.

Your neighbour is very rude but it’s a shared garden. You’re not being fair on your neighbours.

I don't think you know how service dogs work as the ones I have known toilet on demand. Including pee.

Her behaviour sounds absolutely terrible and she shouldn't be shouting or threatening you.
But I can understand her point although she went about it the wrong way. If I shared a garden I wouldn't want a dog using it as a toilet and I wouldn't be happy using it or sitting in it if a dog was loose running around.
Call the police if she is threatening and harassing you but perhaps you could come to some sort of agreement with her or her husband about the garden and when our dog uses it

@CleverLilViper 😂 calm down you muppet

The problem with service dogs in the UK is that there is no register, so literally anyone can claim their dog is a service dog.

Due to the OP's disability, the landlord would've had to allow the dog as it's a 'reasonable adjustment', but unfortunately that doesn't mean the dog is trained to a high standard or even trained at all.

Honestly OP, I'd just go back to toileting the dog in the same way you did before you had a garden.

I've lived in flats with lovely communal gardens. As long as the poo was picked up we never had any issue. Especially as the dogs tended to wee around the edge and not on the grass. The kids played out with no problems from the dreaded dog wee. The cats were much more of an issue. We loved the neighbours having dogs since our tenancy didn't allow pets.

I do think going to the police wbu though. She's been a class A dick, not a criminal. Could you ask the freeholder to get in touch with her? Assuming it's them you've got permission from.

Hello everyone,

Thank you for taking the time to make comments, I have read through all of them and am definitely seeing both sides!

Just to clarify a few points:

1). The dog is let out 3-4 times a day for 5-10 minutes playtime (break from working). He is also walked twice a day.

2). He is trained to pee on command but often pees multiple times when he is out as to mark his territory.

3). All poops picked up promptly! Most of his poops are done on his walks but may occasionally do it in the garden.

4). He is only allowed attention from others when he is not working, and with permission from other people.

5). If I could have bought a flat with a private garden, I would have but it wasn't financially possible!

6). It's a very big garden - probably around 30 x 30m - with various bushes and trees (not fully lawned).

7. Yes, the management company have confirmed he is allowed to toilet in the garden as long as poo is picked up obviously.

8). Re. my old flat, we had a communal garden on the ground floor that I took him to - no issues at all in this flat!

I think it looks like there are two issues here - the first being that the neighbour shouldn't have been aggressive/rude towards me, especially around my deafness, but then also the dog's usage of the garden - which I am trying to manage by dedicating a specific spot for toileting.

Another thing to add as well - he is a fully accredited service dog under Hearing Dogs for the Deaf which is registered under Assistance Dogs UK - there is a register for such dogs but not many organisations are aware of this and people do take advantage of this.

He has a little ID book and wears a jacket, harness, and a badge when he is working :)

Her behaviour is atrocious and she’s acting immature. However, it is a shared garden and not fair on any other neighbours if you allow the dog to toilet there. I understand you will be picking up after the dog but if others are using the garden then it’s not fair on everyone.

I think it might be for the best that you take the dog to the street for the toilet before allowing him in the garden.

I’m not sure a dedicated spot will work as the garden is fully accessible to everyone so this would perhaps make your neighbour angry that she can’t access that section.

Yeh, I think you ought really to have dropped them a note or something when you first moved in to let them know you have a service dog which would be using the shared garden to run about in and poo and wee.

Her response has been unnecessary and unpleasant I'm sorry to hear.

It's a tricky one, as my mum used to say, six of one and half a dozen of the other!

Ps, the police? They might tell you off for wasting their time tbh.

I would be cross too. Your neighbour's communication was poor but it's really unacceptable to let your dog use a shared garden to poo in! I would have been quite clear that isn't acceptable and reported you to the council.

You need to take the dog out for this purpose. You are deaf and I'm sorry for that but you've not unable to walk.

The neighbour is rude and unpleasant for that she ibvu but I’m afraid I agree with pp’s. I think the dog should be taken for a quick walk rather than be allowed to toilet in the garden. I have dogs and unless it is pelting with rain I take mine out and then let them play in the garden when we get back. I always pick up but hate the idea of the kids playing where the dogs have been doing their business. Could you take the dog out for a quick stroll on the occasions that you let it out? You could always let it have a quick play afterwards when you have time.

It's a very big garden - probably around 30 x 30m

I wasn't anywhere near the neighbour's patio doors or windows - more towards the back end of the garden (approx 10m?)

A garden that triples in size in only 3 pages!

That's life @CleverLilViper ?

What a horrible response.

Maybe, but hopefully not, given she’s harassing a disabled person. Banging on windows repeatedly would be harassment, regardless.

It's a shared garden, your dog should not be using it as a toilet unless all the other users agree. Our dogs were always walked, never toileted in the garden, I'd be horrified if I was your neighbour.

I'd train him to toilet in one area and regularly disinfect that area. Then send him to play.
Then send a letter to the management committee saying your neighbour has issues and this is what you've put in place.
I think you can say she is harassing you and mention again your deafness which is particularly upsetting as she's shouting and mimicking you.then leave it with them

She was totally out of order in the way she treated you, but actually I agree with her about this:

She was shouting and saying 'your dog cannot use the garden as a toilet'

You may have permission, but it's pretty rank in a shared garden to have your dog peeing & pooing - is it a grassed area?. Do you hose it down after your dog has toileted?

Will whoever was with you who heard she was mimicking your voice and getting louder and aggressive etc be prepared to back you up to the HA in your complaint?
I'd be concerned she said it never happened.

The garden isn't a complete square, it has garages, trees, a driveway, a car turning corner - which is where the dog was near so it is 10m ish from this point to the building, if that makes any sense? It's a strange garden!

The garden is mostly bushes/shrubs, plants, lots of trees, a dried out pond, and a small lawned area. Dog likes rummaging around the bushes and trees.

I'd speak to the management company.