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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to mess up his day like he messed up mine?

237 replies

Aryt · 26/09/2023 07:12

I started a new job in August. It’s only part time, but after being a sahm for 5 years it’s a big deal to me.

My workplace has an inspection coming up (important, everyone stressed and nervous, think OFSTED). Yesterday we had a meeting at 5pm with my boss and the big boss of the company. I confirmed with DH at lunchtime that he would be home by 4.45pm to look after our kids (7 and 4). At 4.50pm he wasn’t home so I called him. He had forgotten. He said he would leave immediately, but his work is 15 minutes away so I’d be late. He said I should go and leave the kids, he wouldn’t be long. Obviously I did not do that.

In desperation I knocked on my neighbours door and left the kids there. She’s a lovely lady who we know, but has never looked after the children before. I got to the meeting with one minute to spare, and met the big boss of the company very flustered and stressed so I doubt I made a good first impression.

When I got home, DH just said sorry and ‘don’t be like that’ when I was upset with him.

Here’s my AIBU- DH has made himself a doctor’s appointment for 5pm today. DH is expecting to pick DS up from day care and bring him home. But I won’t be there. If he would check my working hours, he would see that I work until 5pm today and then I pick DD up from after school care so I will be home about 5.15pm. AIBU to not bother telling him?

OP posts:
HadEnoughOfBears · 26/09/2023 07:13

YANBU

let him sort it, make sure you're not available to take calls etc

violetcuriosity · 26/09/2023 07:14

Depends how serious the appt is- would you be worrying if it was delayed? If not, do it.

LittleRedY0shi · 26/09/2023 07:15

Given his suggestion that you leave the kids alone, I wouldn't risk it...

IncompleteSenten · 26/09/2023 07:16

I'd do it.
My first thought was no because that's not fair on the Dr and missed appointments cost the NHS money but on second thought, doctors are running at least half an hour late by that time so he could always ring them and see just how late they're running and if he can still make it. And if not then him missing it will mean the next person isn't waiting quite so much past their appt.

Sirzy · 26/09/2023 07:16

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

and irrespective of everything else it’s not fair to allow the doctors time to be wasted.

Tosnoreornottosnore · 26/09/2023 07:16

It is unfair to people who can’t get a medical appt due to no shows. Appreciate you are pissed off op but 2 wrongs don’t make a right.

Nuttyroche · 26/09/2023 07:16

Marriage?

More like enemies if this is your response

IncompleteSenten · 26/09/2023 07:16

LittleRedY0shi · 26/09/2023 07:15

Given his suggestion that you leave the kids alone, I wouldn't risk it...

Good point. Would he just abandon the kids and go?

TomatoSandwiches · 26/09/2023 07:16

That's his problem for not checking.

Nuttyroche · 26/09/2023 07:17

Let me guess

this issue is just tip of iceberg of an unhappy rotten one

HollieHobbie · 26/09/2023 07:17

He said to leave children aged 7 and 4 alone at home? 😳🤦🏻‍♀️

Owjrbvr · 26/09/2023 07:17

Honestly I get the temptation but no I wouldn’t do that, I don’t really think that getting someone back is the way to go about addressing an issue

LizzieSiddal · 26/09/2023 07:18

The fact he doesn’t know what your work hours are is absolutely dreadful. He’s just assuming you’re at home, so yes I don’t blame you for not telling him about today.
This together with him forgetting to come home for your extremely important meeting shows he has very little respect for you. He needs a wake up call because your resentment will get bigger and bigger unless he changes his attitude towards you and your work.

ClusterFukt · 26/09/2023 07:18

He’ll just have to take DS with him to the doctors

BitOutOfPractice · 26/09/2023 07:19

He’ll have to take DS with him won’t he? Like you did when you were a sahm. 🤷‍♀️

BumpyaDaisyevna · 26/09/2023 07:19

Don't be petty and vindictive.

Talk to your DH and tell him what it makes you feel when he reneges on something - like he doesn't care, isn't bothered, takes you for granted.

At the end of the day you and your DH have to work together to manage life work and the kids. Cheap shots isn't going to help that project.

Plus don't waste an NHS appointment!

Each of you needs to accept your part in it when things go wrong.

He forgot - and that's not great - but people do forget. He came home immediately he knew.

And you actually did get to the meeting on time. I doubt your boss was preoccupied with how you looked/presented when his/her mind was on the inspection- you were one of many employees.

Instead of being in a rage you could think - well that was lucky - made it work. And talk to your DH about how you need him not to forget next time - it's hurtful when he does that.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 26/09/2023 07:20

Of course if your DH is chronically not giving a damn then it's different. But we can only go on the OP.

SoSad44 · 26/09/2023 07:20

Sounds like OP was working from home if she could drop kids off at neighbors house? Of course you can leave the kids in front of the telly for 10mins until he is home. Why don’t you send a calendar invite if you need him home earlier. I forget things like that too unless it’s in my diary. You need to have a proper system in place when both parents work.
as others said two wrongs doesn’t make it right, be the bigger person here.

Russooooo · 26/09/2023 07:20

Is it the type of appointment that he could take DS him? If so, do it. If not, maybe text him around 3pm so that he has a bit of time to sort an alternative…?

wildwestpioneer · 26/09/2023 07:20

I'd let him sort himself out, worst case he'll take the dc to the doctors with him.

Honestly some times it needs a kick up the arse to remind them that they have to consider other people.

Doingmybest12 · 26/09/2023 07:20

Just send a text saying remember you'll have to take son to the gp with you, I'm at work. See you later

DonaNobisPacem · 26/09/2023 07:21

No I wouldn’t do this. He might leave the kids alone or he might miss the appointment which is unfair on others. But even if he does neither of these, this sort of tit-for-tat stuff isn’t going to help fix your relationship.

icelollycraving · 26/09/2023 07:21

I would remind him or he may not collect Ds and go to the appointment. If you carry on this point scoring, who is going to ind things better? Neither of you.
If you’ve been at home for some years and this is a job of a month, you’re both getting used to the new routine.

margotrose · 26/09/2023 07:21

LittleRedY0shi · 26/09/2023 07:15

Given his suggestion that you leave the kids alone, I wouldn't risk it...

I was going to say the same.

PickledPurplePickle · 26/09/2023 07:21

Yea he was wrong but don’t be so petty

warn him so that he can arrange to take DS with him

So childish

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