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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re friend bringing dog everywhere

370 replies

Toomanythalias · 25/09/2023 13:41

My friend got a dog a couple of years ago and now insists on bringing him everywhere. If we want to go for a coffee we have to go to a dog friendly cafe. If we want to go for a meal we have to go to a dog friendly restaurant. If she calls over to any of our houses she assumes it's ok to bring the dog. We probably should have said something before now as it's been really irritating us.
Anyhow, we're going away early next year for a few days to celebrate a couple of big birthdays in the group. We were planning to spend a weekend in a hotel somewhere like the Cotswolds, and just enjoy a couple of days relaxing, chatting, eating nice meals etc. However this friend is just assuming she can bring her dog, and is sending lists of dog friendly hotels for us to check out. We told her yesterday that we don't want the dog to come and we don't want to stay in a dog friendly hotel and she needs to sort out care for the dog while she's away. She is now in a huff, says she doesn't want to come, she's obviously not wanted ..... I'm torn between feeling bad and feeling exasperated with her attitude.
Were we being unreasonable to have put our foot down?

OP posts:
TiredMamOfTwo · 25/09/2023 13:42

No YANBU. It's a dog not a child.

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 25/09/2023 13:42

She's mental.

Screamingabdabz · 25/09/2023 13:43

You’ve drawn the boundary so leave her to it. It’s her choice now. She either comes or she doesn’t. She has to realise there is a whole world of people out there who don’t want dogs around them 24/7. If she doesn’t like that then let her be in a huff. She needs to grow up.

Worddance · 25/09/2023 13:44

I don't think it's unreasonable but I can see why she might feel hurt.

MidnightOnceMore · 25/09/2023 13:45

Yanbu and the problem is solved as she's dropped out. I'd just let her think it through for a bit.

OuiRagamuffin · 25/09/2023 13:45

Very annoying. I don't dislike dogs but if I was going out for a 'treat' (a meal, a coffee) I do not want to have a panting dog depositing its hairs all over me. You have my sympathies. A lot of dog lovers assume that everybody loves dogs, or worse. if you ever feel like drawing a line, please not at the table, that you're ''anti-dog''

TimeForTeaAndG · 25/09/2023 13:45

We have a dog and I don't think you're being unreasonable.

There's kennels, homestay doggy carers...not every trip has to accommodate a dog.

Cowlover89 · 25/09/2023 13:46

Yanbu

Mischance · 25/09/2023 13:46

Why would you feel guilty? Your friend should be feeling bad about foisting her dog on people all the time.

EveryKneeShallBow · 25/09/2023 13:47

I have a similar friend, except in her case the dog is a rescue with severe anxiety issues, who will not go to a kennels or doggy daycare. But when we go out for the day or away, this friend just has to miss out. It’s not fair for us to have to forego events to accommodate her, though generally speaking we try to fit her in.

Nw22 · 25/09/2023 13:49

I can’t really leave my dog much overnight but my friends do want him to be included in trips. It’s fine if you don’t just like it’s fine for her not to go.

afrikat · 25/09/2023 13:50

YANBU. We have friends who now bring their dog over whenever they visit but they do ask first (although if we say no it cuts our time short as they'd have to leave after a few hours to get home for the dog). I'd draw the line at having to accommodate holidays around the dog too

Original poster
Toomanythalias · 25/09/2023 13:50

To be honest we had to be quite blunt in the end, as she just wasn't taking hints about 'maybe Fido would be happier at home', 'How about this hotel? I know you couldn't take Fido, but it looks really nice' and such like.

We literally had to tell her that Fido couldn't come, ask her how she'd like it if one of us decided to bring a child and insist on everyone going to a child friendly hotel and so on. She got very huffy and walked out.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 25/09/2023 13:51

🙄

Takacupokindnessyet · 25/09/2023 13:53

As a dog owner no you are not being unreasonable. Bringing a dog everywhere does limit options so it isn't something I would expect others to have to put up with.

StanleyGoodspeed · 25/09/2023 13:54

I would leave the sulky mare to it, tbh

yogasaurus · 25/09/2023 13:54

Worddance · 25/09/2023 13:44

I don't think it's unreasonable but I can see why she might feel hurt.

Why? Why would she think other people would want her dog there?

Entitled twit

newlystyle · 25/09/2023 13:54

Mischance · 25/09/2023 13:46

Why would you feel guilty? Your friend should be feeling bad about foisting her dog on people all the time.

Exactly! The audacity of these types of people! I would be very irritated at her dog coming everywhere. Leave her to decide whether she wants to come or not.

HappiestSleeping · 25/09/2023 13:57

I don't think you are being unreasonable to feel this way (and I'm a dog owner - wouldn't dream of expecting everyone else to have him with us all the time).

If there is an element of unreasonableness then it was not nipping it in the bud straight away, but that is tenuous as I expect you were hoping it would resolve itself.

Missingmyusername · 25/09/2023 13:57

TiredMamOfTwo · 25/09/2023 13:42

No YANBU. It's a dog not a child.

I doubt they want a child to go either 🤣

Gosh there are a lot of dog threads lately…. She’s being unreasonable to expect you to go on a dog friendly holiday. What would she do with “Fido” when she got there? Are you doing lots of hiking or walking… The dog would still be a problem depending what you’re planning to do.

Cosyblankets · 25/09/2023 13:57

Wonder what tomorrow's dog thread will be? There's literally a dog thread every day.
Is she the only one with a dog?
Does she really not get it?

Xrays · 25/09/2023 13:57

She’s being ridiculous. Can’t stand people who treat their dog like a child and want to take them everywhere.

oioicheeky · 25/09/2023 13:58

YANBU. I have a friend like this as well.

I used to like dogs, but I increasingly see them as just a massive, smelly, noisy, dribbly hassle these days.

I appreciate that lots of people love them, but it's a hassle I just don't want in my life, and I'd say you've been accommodating enough with this dog.

FOJN · 25/09/2023 13:59

She is now in a huff, says she doesn't want to come, she's obviously not wanted ..... I'm torn between feeling bad and feeling exasperated with her attitude.

The latter is the appropriate response. I would not indulge an adult who tried to manipulate me by interpreting a rejection of their dog as a rejection of them. She's done you a favour, no one needs a sulky child in an adult body on a relaxing break.

I own a dog.

Original poster
Toomanythalias · 25/09/2023 13:59

Cosyblankets · 25/09/2023 13:57

Wonder what tomorrow's dog thread will be? There's literally a dog thread every day.
Is she the only one with a dog?
Does she really not get it?

No she's not the only one with a dog. But the other two who have dogs have partners who can look after them. But in any event they don't bring their dogs out with us or over to our houses. It's just this one person who won't leave her dog behind, and insists on bringing him everywhere.

OP posts: