Re friend bringing dog everywhere

[Toomanythalias]

My friend got a dog a couple of years ago and now insists on bringing him everywhere. If we want to go for a coffee we have to go to a dog friendly cafe. If we want to go for a meal we have to go to a dog friendly restaurant. If she calls over to any of our houses she assumes it's ok to bring the dog. We probably should have said something before now as it's been really irritating us.
Anyhow, we're going away early next year for a few days to celebrate a couple of big birthdays in the group. We were planning to spend a weekend in a hotel somewhere like the Cotswolds, and just enjoy a couple of days relaxing, chatting, eating nice meals etc. However this friend is just assuming she can bring her dog, and is sending lists of dog friendly hotels for us to check out. We told her yesterday that we don't want the dog to come and we don't want to stay in a dog friendly hotel and she needs to sort out care for the dog while she's away. She is now in a huff, says she doesn't want to come, she's obviously not wanted ..... I'm torn between feeling bad and feeling exasperated with her attitude.
Were we being unreasonable to have put our foot down?

Maybe I'm just thinking of my dog.... she's a pain in a restaurant, always looking for snacks!! :)

Report her to who? & for what? Wanting to take her dog on holiday?

I daresay part of your friend’s huffiness May be due to her sudden realisation that all this time her friends have failed to tell her how irritated they are with her bringing her dog. Up until something was said she thought it was ok and then everyone seemed to turn against her — this is from her perception.
Maybe let her save face by telling her you haven’t minded her occasionally bringing her pet along to appropriate dog friendly activities but you don’t want to choose your group’s activities based on her dog’s welfare.

Because no one has said ANYTHING to her before. I'm assuming this news (that dog isn't welcome) was a bit of a shock to her

YANBU.
I love dogs but I don’t want to stay in a dog friendly hotel and I don’t want dogs around me in a restaurant.
She sounds like another person that doesn’t realise a dog is not a child!

YANBU. DH wants a dog but having witnessed the admin they require for friends and extended family, no bloody way. Like having a toddler that never grows up!

I’m with you. I have 2 dogs but they’ve been trained to be able to stay at home for 4-5hrs if necessary if I’m out for the evening. They don’t need to be trailed around everywhere.

I stayed with 2 friends this weekend who have a much loved dog & no kids. I breathed a sigh of relief they decided not to bring her to dinner. She’s well behaved but it’s still much more fun without a dog tbh

How weird. I never take our dog to visit friends or to a cafe or restaurant. It’s a dog and he stays outside in the garden if we’re going out anywhere. He’s got a kennel and plenty of garden to play in.

I think you need to be much firmer with your friend or let the friendship lapse.

As for barking - doesn't really happen does it? I feel that your dislike of dogs in restaurants is something your imagination has cooked up and doesn't reflect real life.

I have no issues with dogs at all but find dogs barking in restaurants to be a common issue. They are usually small breeds like shih tzus, dachshunds, or pugs. I went to a tea room with a friend recently and there was a shih tzu barking at everything that moved and the person didn't leave. We were on a dog friendly holiday (as a family) and went to the pub at the camp site, sat outside. DDog was under the table lying down and a doberman was probably about 30ft away going absolutely nuts, they could have easily relocated tables but didn't, we ended up moving so the doberman couldn't see ddog because he was getting stressed by being barked at so much. Ddog can be nervous of certain breeds as he's been bitten so many times and I avoid sitting where those specific breeds are in his line of sight or too close to him for that exact reason.

We don't generally take him out with us unless we are on a dog friendly break as a family but lots of people do and don't care. Where we live it's old lady and small dog central and I've stopped going in to certain cafes because there's always a little yappy thing yapping for 2 hours.

PrinceElan · Today 14:42

I'm not sure what dogs you have experience of in a restaurant but slobbering over your feet - are you sure? As for barking - doesn't really happen does it? I feel that your dislike of dogs in restaurants is something your imagination has cooked up and doesn't reflect real life. 🙄

Several, actually.

Once I was constantly bothered by a big shaggy dog repeatedly bustling past my seat during my meal.

Then a smaller dog kept yapping throughout a coffee date with a friend so that we just couldn't have a conversation and left early.

A dog came over when we were having a pub lunch outside and went under the table. It started growling so we asked the owners to take it - only to find it had scratched my new shoes badly - and they never quite recovered.

Another dog had left its slobber on the seat before we sat down. Yuk.

They also smell sometimes - I think dog owners get used to it and stop noticing.

So here's some stuff to put in your pipe and smoke, PrinceElan!

Oh I would give that person an enormous hug. Dogs do not belong in areas where food is served,clothes shops, hotels. We went out for dinner last week. There was a dog. Didn't notice it at first so that was a positive. Then it started yapping. The owner kept doing performance parenting of the damn thing, " Oh we talked about this. You need to be a good boy".All the dog got from that was " good boy" It enjoyed the attention, had no idea what she was saying and just yapped and yapped. It must have been stressful for the owner and her friends. It was certainly stressful for the rest of us. We had 2 very large retrievers. They were beautiful and adored. I can't imagine ever taking them out for a meal in a nice restaurant. Totally inappropriate

@Toomanythalias You should have gone to the restaurant you had booked. It's not fair for them to lose income from a booking because your friend chose to bring a dog, knowing that dogs weren't permitted

Same here - I love my dog but she's currently in kennels as we're away on holiday. She goes in if we go to visit friends and sometimes - if friends or family visit who aren't comfortable with dogs - she goes in then, too.

Oh and don't even get me started on "pub dogs" (that belong to landlords) begging at tables. Can't take my dog to our local because their collie insists on sitting 0.2ft away from us at all times and begging which will make ddog feel trapped eventually, he is on a lead under a table and the collie is not. Even when we go without ddog it annoys me how much it begs.

We've also had 2 pub dogs growl at dd (4) who dh swiftly picked up. DD was nowhere near them and was looking again flowers. I spoke to the landlords and said that the dogs shouldn't be off lead in the pub and he said "oh it's OK they're Serbian rescues". Like that is reasonable?!?!

I don't give a hoot, if a landlords dog is wondering around pestering or GROWLING at any of us then they will immediately lose our custom.

Oh yes, the dogs in prams!! I folded my pram on a bus and held dc to let what I thought was a newborn remain in their pram, it was a bloody dog!

She sounds like a bloody nightmare.

I can't imagine anything worse than staying in a dog friendly hotel, and I own a dog.

Tbf, we’re considering getting a pram for our dog now he’s elderly and has arthritis. He loves going for walks but tires quickly now.

So we’re thinking that we could wheel him to his favorite areas, let him explore and then wheel him home when he’s tired. 😂

YANBU. Just make it clear to her that sh e is 100% welcome, but that it is a dog free weekend in a dog free hotel, so it is entirely her choice whether she comes or not. Make sure that you book a dog free hotel

If she bangs on about being unwanted, then tell her it is her choice to put her dog before her friends.

Next restaurant, book the fancy dog free one and stick to it. She gets away with it because you have all let her.

My friend fosters guide dogs if their owners have to go into hospital. They are allowed to leave the dog for 4 hours. There is no reason why a dog cannot be left. We had dogs. Part of the training was going out for increasing amounts of time. Absolutely no fuss was made when going out and no big fuss was made of the dog when coming in. YesI went out, yes I came back. No big deal

Yanbu. She has a dog, you do not, why should your social life evolve around an animal you don't even own.

Whats shocking is that she needed to be told this.

When our first reriever was 16 he could no longer go for walks . He had arthritis and was sometimes incontinent. Our vet said something that I have never forgotten " Dogs run and sniff and play. When a dog can no longer be a dog it is time to let go. Never keep a pet alive and in discomfort because you can't bear to let it go. "

I could take the slobbering over feet. But just yesterday I took mom out for sunday lunch. Not only did the dog at the next table bark, he was also fussed and petted by all the waiting staff who walked away from him to go straight to pick up plates from the servery to serve to other customers. So yes, dogs being in places IS a problem for many people.

OP YANBU

No, you're not being unreasonable at all.

My eldest sister who owns a gorgeous dog is well aware that others are not so keen, including her daughter, my niece.

We were meeting up for a night away and I sent some details of places to stay. She ruled out one hotel because it was dog friendly 😀

My other sister on the other hand has two dogs and they are indeed her furbabies, even though they're large and very boisterous - one has very bad recall. She picked me up from the airport once with the dogs in the back because she wanted to let them run around the grassy bits on the long term car park for a bit of exercise! Had to put up with boisterous dog sticking it's head through the restrain and giving me sloppy licks. UGH!

YANBU, I have huge hairy hounds, I would not expect to take them to people's houses or out to the pub etc. Both either get left at home with DH/dog sitter or with my sister. I would not assume to take them anywhere, or even ask. It's just nice to go out without them sometimes, having to think do they need a wee, are they going to fart & gas everyone, need a drink & slobber on the carpet etc etc. I think Covid has a lot to do with this, new dog owners with no actual idea of what they are doing with a dog. Got puppies that were then never trained, socialised, or even left for a few hours alone. Hence also why we are seeing higher levels of uncontrollable dogs. One of my dogs weighs about the same as me & I only have to look at him & he knows what's expected. I would also never let one of them off the lead, as I know he has a high prey drive. But on lead an angel. Don't even start me on dogs running loose followed by ' He's friendly, only wants to play' which I translate to 'I have no control over my dog' As whatever yappy thing is trying to jump up & bite me or my hounds. Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant, but I'm fed up to the back teeth with them. Give decent dog owners a bad name!!