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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re friend bringing dog everywhere

370 replies

Toomanythalias · 25/09/2023 13:41

My friend got a dog a couple of years ago and now insists on bringing him everywhere. If we want to go for a coffee we have to go to a dog friendly cafe. If we want to go for a meal we have to go to a dog friendly restaurant. If she calls over to any of our houses she assumes it's ok to bring the dog. We probably should have said something before now as it's been really irritating us.
Anyhow, we're going away early next year for a few days to celebrate a couple of big birthdays in the group. We were planning to spend a weekend in a hotel somewhere like the Cotswolds, and just enjoy a couple of days relaxing, chatting, eating nice meals etc. However this friend is just assuming she can bring her dog, and is sending lists of dog friendly hotels for us to check out. We told her yesterday that we don't want the dog to come and we don't want to stay in a dog friendly hotel and she needs to sort out care for the dog while she's away. She is now in a huff, says she doesn't want to come, she's obviously not wanted ..... I'm torn between feeling bad and feeling exasperated with her attitude.
Were we being unreasonable to have put our foot down?

OP posts:
newbohemian · 25/09/2023 15:23

You didn't sign up for joint dog ownership, which is a huge responsibility.

HamBone · 25/09/2023 15:24

@AngelinaFibres I completely agree, but our dog isn’t at that stage yet. It’s just walking 20 mins each way to the woods that he loves to explore that’s harder for him now. So we’re thinking that we could wheel him there and back! He’s fine with short walks and fully continent.

autienotnaughty · 25/09/2023 15:26

She knows you don't want the dog there she just has the hide of a rhino. She spat her dummy because you have stood up to her. And rightly so.

Stroopwaffels · 25/09/2023 15:28

She is now in a huff, says she doesn't want to come, she's obviously not wanted

Simple answer to that is that she is very much wanted. But that her animal is not.

Teaandbiscuits60 · 25/09/2023 15:29

As a dog owner who completely loves her dog and takes her most places YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE!! I would never assume I could take my dog and if going away would book her into a dog hotel . They are expensive. Maybe she should be told that there are people who either are allergic, have phobias or just don’t like dogs? Maybe she should join a dog group and go away with them. She’s the odd one out not all the group .

Justhereforthebabynames · 25/09/2023 15:33

Yanbu. I bring my dog almost everywhere but don't even go to dog friendly restaurants or cafes as I don't want to eat out with other people's dogs drooling all over the place. It's fine for her not to want to go away for a weekend without her dog but she'll just not be able to go on a hotel break with her friends in that case.

CharlieBoo · 25/09/2023 15:33

My sister in law and brother do this! So annoying. The last time they brought the dog it shit in my house and it was all a bit awkward and they could prob tell I wasn’t happy. So last time they didn’t bring the dog..

so.. YANBU .. who wants to stay in a dog friendly hotel?

ChocolateCinderToffee · 25/09/2023 15:33

I would also say having taken a stand this time, you should maintain it and not agree to dog-friendly venues in the future. She will either have to drop out of the group or make other arrangements for her dog.

diddl · 25/09/2023 15:35

Mischance · 25/09/2023 13:46

Why would you feel guilty? Your friend should be feeling bad about foisting her dog on people all the time.

Maybe she thinks everyone loves her dog as they have put up with it so far?

That said it's a bit much to not take the hint this time.

mydogspooeybum · 25/09/2023 15:38

YANBU. I have dog who I love very much, but he is a dog, not a child. If I go out for a walk with him I will go and have a coffee and take him with me, but I never take him to a cafe or restaurant unless I have just had a walk with him. I am also getting really annoyed with people who think it is okay to take their dog shopping. Why are shops allowing this. Surely people can go shopping for a couple of hours without their bloody dog in tow?

Fanlover1122 · 25/09/2023 15:38

While am a dog lover....that is ridiculous behaviour!

Charlize43 · 25/09/2023 15:39

Attitudes to dogs seems to have changed so much in recent years now that we are seeing them in cafes, buses, pubs, shops, restaurants, changing rooms, public swimming pools, aerobic classes and tanning booths, that people are coming to detest them.

Can you imagine going in for a hip replacement operation and finding the surgeon has bought Fido along with them and is having to play catch while inserting and aligning the prosthesis?

Woman2023 · 25/09/2023 15:43

Can whoever gets on with her best call to have a chat and say that as a group you are happy to accommodate sometimes just not all the time? She's either massively selfish or not good at picking up on social cues (possibly both). It might help to have someone explain the situation clearly but gently.

JudgeRudy · 25/09/2023 15:44

Her dog, her problem. She's free to organise what she wants another time and invite everyman and their dogs...but this is your event and your invite. If she's unable to come so be it.

Woman2023 · 25/09/2023 15:44

I love dogs but if I was about to enter a posh restaurant and a friend who knew this deliberately scuppered the plans I'd not react well at all.

Lou670 · 25/09/2023 15:44

Have you posted about this before a few weeks back. I recognized that you used the name 'Fido' in the post as well. If not then an amazing coincidence!

mayorofcasterbridge · 25/09/2023 15:46

Xrays · 25/09/2023 13:57

She’s being ridiculous. Can’t stand people who treat their dog like a child and want to take them everywhere.

You wouldn't take your child everywhere either, surely?

Mmhmmn · 25/09/2023 15:51

She's being utterly ridiculous in not having an arrangement for leaving her dog with someone for these things. Expecting everyone else to go to a dog-friendly hotel because she can't separate herself from her dog is selfish. Surely she must feel a bit silly for having got a dog and not having realised how tying it would be? And possibly taking out abit of embarassment and frustration on all of you... she won't be the first or last person not to have thought that through.

You gave her a choice and she (huffily) picked her dog over her friends - barmy. One of my friends has an arrangement with family precisely so that she can live her (single) human life and not have it determined by her dog's needs! Even then she finds it very restricting. You just cannot expect to be able to take them everywhere. So YANBU

24HoursFromTulseHillEstate · 25/09/2023 15:55

We had booked a table in a nice restaurant a few months ago, no dogs allowed. She seemed happy enough with this. But on the evening, when we were meeting for a drink first, she arrived with the dog in tow and excuses about 'poor Fido, he got so upset when he realised I was going out without him...' and suggested a restaurant down the road that allowed dogs. She kind of put us on the spot and we did agree afterwards we should have put our foot down and said 'No'.

I feel very sorry for the restaurant who had reserved a table for you only to be cancelled at the last minute.

24HoursFromTulseHillEstate · 25/09/2023 15:56

So basically she thinks that other people’s big birthday celebrations should revolve around her dog?

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 25/09/2023 15:57

Charlize43 · 25/09/2023 14:20

Does she have one of those XL Bully dogs? Is there anyway you could report her? Report her anyway.

I don't think you can report someone just for being a silly cow.

LlynTegid · 25/09/2023 15:59

Coffee maybe reasonable, holiday not.

Lesson learnt to say something about an issue before it becomes common practice.

Lordofmyflies · 25/09/2023 16:00

YANBU to want to stay in a dog free hotel. Completely your choice.

I do however think you are being unreasonable in saying that your friend needs to sort out dog care. She's doesn't. She also has the right to want to stay in a dog friendly hotel with her dog BUT If the majority of the group want to go 'dog-free' she'll have to accept thats the choice and shouldn't get in a huff about it.

awaynboilyurheid · 25/09/2023 16:09

Oh can’t stand this ridiculous behaviour , we went to a christening once and someone “ had “ to bring their dog wouldn’t mind but she also insisted it got its own seat with a better view than most of us.

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 25/09/2023 16:10

Unless it's a genuine service dog, I'd stand firm on the hard no.

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